Letter to Dear Abby on St. Patrick

Abigail van Buren
Universal Press Syndicate
PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 Mar 20, 1996

Dear Abby,

In regards to the bit ’o blarney you’ve ascribed to St. Padraig’s being Roman: you’ve fallen prey to sloppy, or worse, slanted Anglo-centric scholarship. (When in one sentence, with words like English and Roman, you deny our Celtic cultural heritage, you’ll find we Joycean nitpickers of language must wield the proverbial sword. (Catullus and Virgil were Gaulish Celts, but that’s another story.)

Technically you’re right, Patrick was not Irish. He was an ethnic Celt born on the outer fringe of the Roman Empire. To Romanize his name, Patricius Magonus, was a citizen of Rome, born in Celtic Britain (some say Wales or Gaul (Brittany). 

Imagine if you will, the entirety of Europe settled by one group of people who arrived in 6 tp 8 distinct waves. The Celts of Great Britain, Gaul, the Alps, Hungary, Romania, Anatolia, the Balkans, and Iberia were one and the same people, speaking the same language, having the same customs and religion. History and archaeology books corroborate what my seanachie grandmother fed me of Celtic lore. 

St Jerome noted the Celts of Ankara spoke the same dialect as the Trevari Celts of Austria. When the Celts settled Europe is still under debate: Celtic expansion in Europe was 2000 BC, to 1000 BC. 

The Rhine, the Rhone, the Seine, the Danube rivers are all named by/after the Celtic tribes who lived there. They came from across the Rhine, from what is now Germany. (The Germani, and the Teutones were most likely Celts too, the Romans recorded this; Tacitus's history later confuses them with the Germanic speaking tribes from the North. But then, Tacitus was hoping to free up the senatorial war coffers as Caesar did before him. So a little historical shapeshifting was in order.

German, a newer language, has little relationship with the older Celtic languages—which have a close kinship with Greek and Italic—Latin evolves later.) Where the Celts came from before settling in Europe is open to conjecture: horsemen of the Putic Steppes were Celts; there is a Scythian connection too. The Romans misunderstood the name of the tribe settling Great Britain, the Preteni, or Pretani became Britons.

Those who settled in Ireland before 600 BC (Hibernia, Ierné, Éire, Éiru, Eirinn, or Scotia Major—all names for Ireland) were Iberian Celts, as were the Scots who lived in Scotia Minor (Albu, they were siblings), and the Isle of Man. (Scot was a name for Irish peoples, not Scots. Ireland was known as Scotia Major and Scotland as Scotia Minor by the Romans.)

When the Celtic language shifted, due to isolation during the Anglo-Saxon, Gothic and Viking invasions in the 6 to 10th centuries AD; the Cornish, the Welsh, the Britons, Bretons, and Walloons were called Brythonic, or P Celtic speakers. (Brythonic is the Celtic dialect spoken Britain & the continent; Gaelic is the Q Celtic tongue of Scotland, Ireland, and Man. In other words, the P sound and the hard C, or Q sounds shifted: Wales uses a P sound wherever Ireland uses the hard C sound. So map, which means son in Welsh is mac in Irish.)

When the Romans conquered Celtic lands including Britain, making the conquered tribes Roman slaves; some natives received citizenship—either by purchase, or by heroic deed. Patrick’s father Calpurnius, was a Romanized Briton. As to Patrick’s mother’s being “English”, sloppy scholarship! A 5th century Briton was not an Englishwoman! England wasn’t yet a concept, let alone a nation! 

A Briton was a Celt: not Anglo, Saxon, Jute, Goth, Vandal, or Norman—to name the later invading Germanic-speaking tribes. The Romans never conquered Ireland, though Agricula had plans. The Celts sacked Rome (390 BC) and Delphi; the barbarians and Huns ravaged Europe; Alaric the Vandal sacked Rome in 410 AD. By 476, the “12th Roman eagle” had fallen. 

With the chaos that shook the very foundations of the Empire, Ireland must’ve seemed a refuge. During the Dark Ages Ireland became the sole repository for learning and Christianity, having copied and translated the Greek and Arabic mss., thus saving the entire body of knowledge of western civilization. (See Thomas Cahill’s “How the Irish Saved Civilization” for more details.)

According to noted scholar, Seumas MacManus in “The Story of the Irish Race,” Patrick first came to Ireland in 389, under the reign of Niall. In 432, during the reign of Laoghaire (Leary), he fulfilled an ancient pagan prophecy foretelling the coming of Christianity; that the Tailcenn (the god of all knowledge) would supersede Laoghaire’s rule. 

There is endless dispute as to the place of his birth. Patrick wrote in his “Confessions” he was born in Bannavem of Taberniea.” They say he was either born near Dumbarton (Scotland), the most Northern Roman province of Celtic Britain, or possibly in Brittany. 

Patrick’s mother, Conchessa, was the niece of St. Martin. His father Calporn, or Calpurnius, was a curialis, a poor tax collector for a greedy empire—with no means of escaping his lowly inherited caste, other than by secretly fleeing, or the unlikely prospect of becoming a senator. He was personally responsible for any uncollected taxes. 

His son had no desire to follow in his father’s footsteps. “I sold my noble rank, I blush not to state it, nor am I sorry.” Patrick later wrote. His grandfather Potitus was a Catholic priest; well, you should re-read that statement—Celts of the holy Celtic Church didn't believe in monogamy and priest were often married. Sixteen-year-old Patrick sought a classical education, but was denied it when he and two sisters visiting family (in Brittany?), were kidnapped by Irish slavers of King Niall.

Patrick was sold to an Antrim chieftain named Milue, or Miliucc, where under the name of Succat, he was a shepherd for seven years before escaping to the continent (or Britain), but Patrick grew homesick for Ireland. In search of learning, he entered the monastery Marmoutiers, near Tours, founded by his uncle, St. Martin. He later studied in Rome, and other parts of the Mediterranean.

An aside: Celts, especially the Irish, often fostered their children out to other clans to strengthen clan alliances. Curiales and other middle class Romans who traditionally sent their children to be nursed by shepherds in pure mountain air found their children kidnapped as slaves. Shepherd became synonymous with thief, and trafficker of children.

When Patrick was consecrated Bishop, Pope Celestine commissioned him to carry the gospel to Ireland, and conferred on him the name Patricius, an ancient title of highest honor among the Romans. 

At the age of 40, Patrick again returned to Co. Wicklow, Ireland, in 432 to begin the conversion from Druidic rule to Christianity. Easter seems to have been a pivotal date for conversion, hence the Mar. 17 celebration date (of Patrick’s death); the metaphoric Equinoctial battle of light and dark, replete with bonfires and the dead rising in another land—all favored Irish themes.

From the Nuremberg Chronicles f 145v 4

Patrick was credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland, but the Druids already knew of this new god.

The Roman writer Solinus recorded there were no snakes in Ireland. Ever. The only place you’ll find snakes in Ireland is in the Phoenix Park Zoo. The serpent, synonyms for darkness/Satan, Druidism, etc. Meanwhile Rome was falling, and about to go dark for a few centuries with a little help from the Vandals and Huns who had little use for book learning.

Patrick conversion of the kingdoms of Eire is full of stories: They say Patrick used the shamrock to teach the Trinity. . . but they often have four petals! (My grandfather gave me one). Perhaps this is why the Celtic Christian church observed the faith in a less orthodox fashion centuries before Luther wrote his proclamation. 

The Roman Catholic church had to add a whole slew of “Saint’s Days” to lure the Celtic church back into the fold. 

Another story: When baptizing King Aengus, Patrick accidentally foisted his iron-shod pastoral staff through the king’s foot, who patiently stood through the ceremony. Patrick asked why on earth he didn’t say anything, the unfortunate king replied, “Because I thought it was part of the ceremony.” 

Patrick founded his holy See at Armagh. Darmesteter wrote, ”not only the ecclesiastical capital of Ireland, but the capital of civilization.” Ireland, who never suffered through the Dark Ages, was truly a beacon of light. 

Over 159 monasteries and colleges of Europe were founded by the Irish; if Patrick hadn’t been kidnapped, he would’ve been a tax collector like his father before him and the Dark Ages would’ve lasted a lot longer. For centuries, the Irish church refused to recognize Rome’s date for Easter, and celebrated it closer to the Equinox. 

On that note I’ll end. Happy Equinox/Easter.


See also:
It's PADDY not Patty

For more reverent information on some historical background related to St. Patrick, see my post St. Patrick was a Strathclyde Briton.