Sunday, November 28, 2021
Cold comfort foods
Wednesday, November 24, 2021
DELUGE
thunderous applause to a ferocious future
Tuesday, November 23, 2021
RACING HEART
Sunday, November 21, 2021
I curse you, Robert Bly
It’s interesting when the real personality emerges from behind the hero’s carefully constructed persona or façade. I mentally spit on the thought of Robert Bly‘s grave whenever he is mentioned. He was a poet I admired until he let the social veil slip and attacked me in public. I had produced a big poetry reading event honoring a Calliopea Press art book for his Rilke sonnet translations at Sonoma State. Since I was a singularity, I worked like a dogsbody navigating the bureaucracy to rent the room, raising the speaker fee, setting up the stage, I did mike and sound check, placed chairs, was emcee, etc., and at the end, I politely asked him to autograph my hard-earned copy of the hand-letter-press book, with a gorgeous embossed imprint of a purple iris on the cream cover. I guess he was done with his Mr. Nice face. He ripped me a new one in public and refused to sign my copy. Not a clue as to why. Carol Denison, the broadside artist and pressowner, who witnessed the tirade, was equally mortified, and gave me her signed copy. I was completely humiliated and devastated, not to mention exhausted. I am not one to cry, but that evening he made me cry, and that is unforgivable. I have never been able to even read the book. I heard the book is worth a bomb. I need to sell it to exorcise the bad juju. To this day, I curse him. That night, I got to see the real Bly, mysogenist and ogre that he was, in his dandified cravat and knitted vest. Iron John, my ass.
ok, I confess this was from a fragment I never finished, so I posted it on the day of his death tho it was written in situ 7/21/22.
Thursday, November 18, 2021
Remembering Pearlie May Timberlake
Pearlie May Timberlake was my best friend in school before the Jehovah’s Witnesses got a grip on her and eventually made her shun me.
THE KISS —an ekphrastic poem after Gustav Klimt

I stood on the steps outside the Secession Building
in tears, because my friend was late.
We surreptitiously slipped into a darkened room,
were greeted by Klimpt’s Kiss, so golden, so tender,
His hands cradling her face, a beacon of hope.
The textures surrounding them, a lush carpet,
She is made of flowers and limpid pools of water,
he is the fecund geometry of the fields in winter.
His dark hands are rooted in rich earthen loam,
while her face has never been graced by sunlight.
They are an odd couple. Perhaps a mature Romeo and Juliet,
And the claustrophobia of dailiness has not taken root.
about to embark on a journey to Leningrad
but already the weight of the golden gown
Tuesday, November 16, 2021
Home again, jiggity-jig (Florida Journals)
Last night was the first night I slept in my own bed since Oct 21, I fell asleep at 7 PM, as soon as I got home, and then slept 12 hours—but not straight through. Woke up at 12:45 AM, after a furiously hard sleep, wondering where the hell I was, surprised that it was only a little after midnight. I also woke again at 4, which would’ve been the time I needed to wake up in order to check in on Justa, then I fell asleep again until 6, & struggled to stay asleep until 7 AM. But I sure racked up some missing hours. I think I’ve finally reset my circadian rhythm clock. TG!
I’ve been back in CA for a few days, but since I needed to work in Marin, I stayed there, rather than drive back and forth, thus not wasting both time and gas. Sticker shock on gas prices, BTW. It was $3.12, to $3.29 in Maimi. Anyway, I hit the ground running, working right away as soon as I got back to Marin, right off the plane, literally, and then I worked all weekend, and Monday, too. All this, sans Cuban coffee.
Now I know how Cubans navigate the day, on strong Cuban coffee. They have these little tiny toy teacups they knock back throughout the day. Pure rocket fuel. Half sugar, half quad strength espresso. Which also explains why they all talk so fast! They’re wired to the gills! No time for those rolled rrrs, or sibilant esses. And Ls are swallowed as well. I’ve learned to speak a passable Cuban Spanish, but my Mexican Spanish seems positively languid in comparison.
I love how they make time for their cafecitos. At Publix, a girl comes through several times a day with a small carafe of coffee, and small plastic one oz. shot cups to give the checkers their cafecitos. Very sweet. The checkers knock them back in one gulp. Mainlining the stuff. Yet they always have the time to graciously take care of me, the awkward gringa in line.
I would’ve loved another outing or two, but I at least got to see Key Largo, and Miami Beach. A day and a half of touristing is not much but it’s better than nothing. We went to South Beach near the pier and all went swimmingly, except for the actual swimming. But getting home was a nightmare that took hours. We went down Calle Ocho but the Café Versailles was having a 50-year anniversary bash so every Cuban in Miami was out partying. They were dozens of cop cars everywhere. By the time we got to Coral Gables, I could care less, but the houses were pretty awesome. I noticed oak savannah. I wasn’t expecting that. Kirk wanted to barbecue and I just wanted to sleep so we settled for pizza and salad, totally doable. A good thing too as I nearly fell asleep in my salad plate.I am grateful that my school meeting is via Zoom. I don’t think I’m up to driving down to Berkeley for a meeting. Can I zoom in my jammies? I might need a cafecito or two to make it through the day.
- Home again, jiggity-jig (Florida Journals)
- RIP, Buddy the Cat (Florida Journals) (photos)
- Re-entry is a bitch (Florida Journals)
- Flying home (Florida Journals)
- Inside-out & backwards interview (Florida Journals)
- Key Largo snorkel tour (Florida Journals) (photo)
- Maimi Beach (Florida Journals)
- Disconnectivity happens
- The color of blood (Florida Journals)
- Facewashing the cat (photos) (Florida journals)
- Fasciated bananas (photos, drawing) (Florida journ...
- A new day beginnith (Florida journals)
- Buddy the Cat (more cat pix) (Florida journals)
- Losing the plot (Florida journals)
- Mi vida loca (cat pix) (Florida journals)
- Maimi Majordomo (Florida journals)
- Justa’s story (Florida Journals) (folklore)
- Florida Journals: caregiving for Justa
- Airborne
- Hurricane Charley, Mile Zero, Highway One (photos)
- 2004 Florida journals
- Confessions of an iPod Roadie
- Letter from Fort Jefferson, Dry Tortugas, journal
- Missive from Fort Jefferson, Dry Tortugas, journal
Monday, November 15, 2021
RIP, Buddy the Cat (Florida Journals) (photos)
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| The wind was blowing the whirligig, but Buddy couldn’t hear it. |
RIP, Buddy the Cat, who at age 19, was nearly old enough to visit the local bar, that’s something like 133 in cat years. I tried to warn my friends that his time had probably come, as he was pissing on the hall floor. I was always stepping in it barefoot. No odor, renal failure, I knew the drill too well. My favorite cats, Cheetos and Jack, both orange bhoys, died of kidney failure. Poor little guy slept on the couch the last few days. No more midnight yowling. And of course, no one wants to hear that their pet is dying. At least he didn’t die on my watch.
But he also kept me sane under impossible circumstances. He was my constant flame, my fan club, and my tormentor. He had a hellacious medianoche howl. He was able to reach a much louder velocity than what I was able to record on my iPad. He would throw his head back like a little wolf, and he kept me awake most nights with his yowling. So much so, that I needed to visit the bar. Drive me to drink, he did. He always shut up and made baby squeaks whenever he saw me coming, he knew he wasn’t supposed to howl. And he went running off whenever he saw me, he knew the score. So I had to sneak my iPad around corners in order to catch him in action.
I only knew Buddy for three weeks, while catsitting. Not too sure how long that is in cat years. First, there was the cool cat whothehellareyou and whathaveyoudone with my master beloved, I’ll keep my distance and be terribly aloof—week. Then there was the OMG you are my entire universe wherehaveyoubeen allmylife week. And then the lovefest commenced. But I could see how he was beginning to falter, and I knew him well enough to recognize the signs of renal failure. I tried to tell my hosts when they returned, to say their goodbyes, but it was news no one wants to hear.
A stone-deaf pale flame Siamese colored Persian with a lion haircut, he pretty much followed me everywhere once he realized I was not only the catsitter, I was the gravytrain, the head scratcher, the face washer, the ear massager, and master tail-butt itcher all rolled into one. A few nights after my friends returned home from their concert series, the yowling magically stopped. Even they were surprised. Something was up. Buddy’s card. Gonna miss that little guy, but not his particular rendition of the song of his people.
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| When I moved his bed outside to the back porch, he was a happy camper. |
Saturday, November 13, 2021
Re-entry is a bitch (Florida Journals)
Friday, November 12, 2021
Flying home (Florida Journals)
The plane faces a long climb through the cloud layer, we dance toward the sky. My ears object to the long steady climb. I have to remind myself that I’ve been much higher than 10,000 feet. Above the cloud layer is a Ukiyo-ë realm, subtle pools of light and darkness. My sunglasses provide respite from the intense glare. Not much to see, other than clouds. Hopefully when we approach Denver, there will be something more to see. Still I am happy to have a window seat finally even if there is nothing to see. I am popping my ears constantly, especially after yesterday‘s snorkeling.
We seem to be overwater, over the gulf, the sun from my left and I see Fort Jefferson and the Dry Tortugas. Another snorkel bucket list. Maybe someday. I’m just happy to see blue skies above the cloud layer. There’s nothing to photograph but I am at the ready.
The aspirin I took an hour ago was finally getting a toehold. Denver is four hours away. I will need another round by then or before then. I was awake at 4:30 AM and I’m now so groggy but there is no way I am planning to drink the community coffee.
We are traveling a liminal boundary between the cloud layer and blue skies. We are neither here nor there. Ghost tendrils of clouds above and below. The gulf below reflecting the sky. The edge of the cloud cover is like an endless prairie of sorts. Below me is the sunken coastline of Florida, and the barrier islands, like ancient calligraphy. Soon we cross over into Louisiana, and then follow the serpentine traces of Old Muddy north toward Denver. All that water on the landscape, reflecting myriad eyes of the sun.
I cannot bear the thought of pretzels. I don’t like them on a good day, but that’s what’s for lunch on Southwest. Maybe I’ll be brave and spelunker into my magic bag and raid my provisions, papaya and banana for breakfast.
We land in Denver, the jaunty white party tents of the airport mimicking the Tetons. I pass a busy hour in the Denver Airport while waiting for my plane, it’s unbearable. I cannot stand being around all these people and find myself sneaking into corners to escape the crowds. I certainly don’t want to wait in line for food. I eat a yogurt for dinner. Denver to Oakland, the long light over the land, an endless sunset to the west coast, and a cloak of darkness descends over California. Home again, jiggity-jig.
Inside-out & backwards interview (Florida Journals)
Last night in Miami, I thought my interview with Fire Haus Projects went well, but when I got home, I discovered that I had my blouse on inside-out for the entire videotaped interview and poetry reading. You can edit out glitches but you can’t edit out the fact that my shirt will be on inside-out forever. I guess it could’ve been worse, I could’ve had it on both inside-out and backwards. Hopefully no one will notice. Only problem is, that it has these cute little maroon satin strings attached to the shoulders so that I can hang it off a hanger.
When I got my first CAC grant to teach poetry I had many early morning classes. At that time I was a night owl and I remember getting to class to teach and looking down and realizing I had my stylin’ shirt on inside out. Thing is, it had shoulder pads. Hard to laugh that one off as a style statement. Oh well. Carry on.
Thursday, November 11, 2021
Key Largo snorkel tour (Florida Journals) (photo)
Key Largo: We have a Sundiver snorkel tour at noon, the sky is cloudy so I don’t hold much hope. It is impossible to see the GoPro screen in daylight, so at the very least, it’s a boat ride into the outback of the Peter Pennekamp marine preserve. If we are lucky, we will see some cool fish. If not, I’ve got a boatride and new snorkel out of it. How I love being out on the water. It’s been too long, since before the pandemic since I’ve even seen the ocean. I have long since lost my snorkel gear, besides it was decades old. The rubber, long since rotted. I will need a new mask but the diveboat provides them, so no worries there. I’ve got my Hawaii gear on. My reef slippers. I may look ridiculous but have no intention of getting sunburned, I look like I’m getting ready for a yoga class, not a dive in the ocean.
Wednesday, November 10, 2021
Maimi Beach (Florida Journals)
Tuesday, November 9, 2021
Disconnectivity happens
—for Jessy, with love, who inspired this post.
Ironically during last night’s repeat deluge of biblical proportions, well, OK, so a couple of inches, not like the last storm’s whopping 13 inches, a sweet young West Marinite posted how she was so anxious and afraid because last night there was no Wi-Fi or cell phone service, and apparently she needed some Facebook reassurance that all was well, having survived the grueling storm outage of November 7.
I had to laugh. A little wind and rain. It’s not like the world was going to end in fire or flood last night. Sure, there were lots of downed trees dangling on power lines, playing them like basso profundo harp strings. A Comcast outage also affected most of Sonoma County as well. As long as there’s no raging wildfire, I told her to enjoy the silence. Haul out the candles, read a book. When disconnectivity happens, you can begin to hear yourself think. A rarity during this age of hyper-connectivity. She was a good sport, and took my ribbing well.
Believe it or not, some of us grew up in the San Geronimo Valley without Wi-Fi, or cell service—as neither had yet been invented. Well, that’s not quite true, the technology for Wi-Fi and Bluetooth were invented during WWII. Indeed, when I was very young, we were without rotary dial-up phone service—which often works during a storm as it’s a separate system from the PG&E power lines. I remember the day we got a phone line. A party line is probably worse than no phone line at all. Mrs. Decker, who worked for Guide Dogs for the Blind, would get on the phone and talk for hours. So we couldn’t use the phone most of the time anyway.
Luckily Old Man Latindorf at the end of the road who spoke a crisp, broken German-English, rarely used the phone. Nor did Old Man Larsen, who spoke a taciturn Norwegian. Neither one spoke English well. More like begrudgingly. They preferred the dark domain of their own inner confirmed bachelor thoughts. And Mary Bianchi spoke an odd mixture of Italian and English, her hands wildly semaphoring like racecar flags. For her, conversation was intrinsically tied up with feeding you—whether or not you were hungry was immaterial. We could identify everybody by voice. Sometimes there were heated exchanges when somebody wanted to use the phone. But we all knew each other, so some civility ensued.
I won’t mention a lack of television reception in the valley either. No cable this far out. it just wasn’t worth it to lay cables for us outliers. Not enough money in it for Viacom. The Stones got TV reception by climbing the tallest Doug fir and planting an aluminum aerial on top of it. And the long copper and plastic antenna wire that looked like a tiny railroad track to the house was the weakest link. But when the crows and bluejays partied on the aerial, or the wires, the reception went south.
We were in a cul-de-sac box canyon so unless the wind blew a certain way, and the clouds were otherwise preoccupied with their horoscopes, there was no way we could ever get reception—no matter where we stuck the damned aerial. Our neighbors had a little better luck as they were more exposed so they could pick up some TV reception. Not that that there was much of anything to watch. Something that people today don’t grasp. They can watch anything they want. But let’s just say we got three, maybe four stations, sort of, and often during bad weather, all of them were filled with snow. Not real snow. Just electronic snowstorms emanating from the outer regions of Alpha Centauri.
I kind of miss those unplugged days of yore. Yeah, I get it that we all want to be connected, via the Marshall McLuhan global village. And of course, there is always the danger of what might, or could go wrong! But sometimes the silence and isolation is the best thing about the Valley. It’s what made us so radically different from those townies who lived over the hill.
However, I can’t help but think of that poor woman who went off the road into a ditch between Dickson Ranch and Flanders Ranch and died because she couldn’t get 911 cell phone reception. And that is why we have a cell tower on the top of Mt. Barnabe. And I sure wouldn’t give up that connectivity during wildfire season.
Ironically I don’t even own a smart phone. I use my iPad exclusively for communication. So I am very much invested in cellular connectivity too even if I’m older than dirt. I know, I know, resistance is futile. Yet, still I resist. Isn’t it synchronistic that I electronically wrote and posted all this on Heddy Lamarr’s birthday? She, who invented Bluetooth and Wi-Fi, I kid you not.
“Hedy Lamarr, a remarkable inventor who devised a system for remote-controlling torpedoes that became the basis for bluetooth and wifi.”
Friday, November 5, 2021
The color of blood (Florida Journals)
This is a photo of my thumb over the camera lens. Ergo, it is also a photo of the color of my blood—truly alizarin crimson. My stomach went south again this morning after I took a blood sample, but at least it worked! I’ve had incredibly bad luck taking blood sugar samples from my care person. We have decided that if I stab my patient three times and still can’t get a reading, that we pass on the concept. Well, I have passed on the concept more often than I have had success, usually it says, Error!, so I’m very excited to say her blood sugar is normal. Not mine. Hopefully my biliousness stomach will start rocking on a stormy sea of queasiness. Yes, I have stabbed myself with the stupid little needle trying to reload the little gun. I do rub her finger as if I were milking it before I stab it. She really needs to drink more water and she refuses because she doesn’t want to wet the bed. And yesterday’s care provider quit. I am running out of coping skills. I now know that I do not want to do a job like this again. I knew it would be difficult. But not like this!
Thursday, November 4, 2021
WRITERS’ TEARS, a found poem
BLUE RIBBON SPECIAL
BLUE RIBBON SPECIAL
where a dollar bill was firmly placed
between my thigh and my horse.
I was riding bareback, of course,
so it was a snap and every pace
that the judges put me through,
that dollar bill stuck to me like glue.
11/4/21
Monday, November 1, 2021
Facewashing the cat (photos) (Florida journals)
I just cleaned Buddy the Cat’s face with eye drops and a wet toothbrush—he loves it—plus eye medicine. He helps me scrub his little face. I did his ears inside and out too, as they were not very clean. And he went apeshit, he was cross-eyed, and groaning with pleasure, trying to stick his hind feet into his ears and everywhere else. Right now he is grooming his head. He is about 19 years old and his hygiene is sadly lacking. If he wasn’t so old I would give him a bath ASAP.
Buddy the Cat in ecstacy, falling over backwards for a little noserub. He decided I might be alright after all. Gonna miss the little guy. He is a lovely creature. When I scratch his back at the base of his tail, he licks his front, especially his bib. It’s very clean. Since he needs to brush up on personal hygiene skills, this is good. When I first scratched his spine at the base of his tail he didn’t like it, now he thinks it’s wonderful. Lots of head butts. Right now, he is washing my elbow, as well as behind his own ears. Who knew that my elbow was so dirty?
Buddy the inside cat is studying for a PhD in quantum mechanics. That is how he can be both inside and outside at the same time. He also has a minor degree in cat opera, and has the lungs of a Pavarotti. I keep stalking the cat to record his hideous meows, and he always cottons onto me. Imagine this yowl at quadruple the volume, and a sustained yodel, with more vibrato, longing and saudade to it—carrying on for five or more minutes at a stretch, going off like clockwork all through the night.
Meanwhile, the back porch raccoon decided that the food scraps I put out for her needed a good washing—including the old bread I put out yesterday. Nothing worse than a bad cook making bread soup with cat kibble.
Fasciated bananas (photos, drawing) (Florida journals)
A new day beginnith (Florida journals)
And so today I feel perfectly fine. This time I made sure I had plenty of tea in me before I began the cat food ritual. And I was not greeted with cat barf, nor by lively cockroaches waiting to be dispatched to the next world. I felt queasy most of the day, yesterday. I bailed on lunch. I had to force myself to eat dinner. I must admit it took willpower to eat my dinner. It was a chore to eat, but then, I felt fine afterwards. No trouble at all with eating my dessert. I’m sure the pan de boudin pudding helped. Go figure. And so now, everything is fine. Except for the new care providers coming and going like the tides.













