A weird spa day

When I saw the price of BioElements body cream on eBay I nearly fainted. $65 for 4 ounces? I got the bright idea to spruce up what was left of my old (read rancid) BioElements body cream with my equally old essential oils. 

What I thought was lavender oil was lemon oil that spilled al over the place—now I smell like a piano in a used furniture store. It seems like such a good idea at the time using up all that old oil. The little plastic lid that was supposed to control how much oil comes out of the essential oil bottle flew off—oil spilled everywhere. 

My Winix air purifier is going completely nuts, it’s in the red with all four fans going for all they’re worth. Soon it will achieve lift-off. Luckily because the lemon oil was so thick I was able to mop most of it up. But some was on my hands which I rubbed on my feet. I rubbed the excess oil on my feet and legs as I had nowhere else to wipe it….damage control. Put it this way, my toes think they are well lubed honkey-tonk piano keys at this point. 

I’m showing the grain all right. I was able to mop up quite a bit of the lemon oil and smear on some furniture. The furniture is happy, my air purifier is not. My little teak pullout desk board is now very shiny. Now I can’t go outside into the sun because lemon oil is phototropic.

What makes this entire story ludicrous is that I did it twice, first with Rosehip oil. The lid dolloper literally flew off. Rose hip oil all over the place. I did not expect to have two freak accidents today. It seems when I’m going to royally fuck up I do it in spades. 

In May, I did something similar with a brand-new bottle of Whiteout that had come unscrewed in my bookbag, it was everywhere—all over my hands and you know how fast that stuff dries. Well, I was far from home, and I couldn’t deal with it and my hands looked like hell. So I had a bottle of lavender oil in my car. Brilliant solvent. TG the odor disappeared fairly quickly.

Well it is true when you buy perfume grade scents, when you put them on, they stick around, as they have preservatives, but with essential oils the odor doesn’t stick around very long and it’s very subtle because it’s mostly just a tiny bit of distilled floral oil with a lot of carrier oil. Read safflower oil. I got lucky with the rosehip oil as it was in a neutral oil base—probably grape seed oil.

When I realized that the lemon oil was a tad toxic, I did take a shower. The good news is that it is an excellent exfoliant. I resorted to a second shower as the first one was really just a rinse off. This time I smeared bath gel all over myself before I got in the shower. My skin is incredibly soft and smooth. But my feet still tingle. However, I do not recommend the treatment. I need another shower. A weird spa day.

One time when I was getting a massage, the masseuse said. Oh, I’m going to massage you with eucalyptus oil. I said please don’t. I will get hives. He did not listen and then spent the next two hours mopping chamomile on my welts. Can you say sensitive skin?