When I posted this falling vulture meme on my Facebook page, I took a lot of ribbing. It could’ve been worse. Was it an omen, portent of things to come. At least no naked ribs were showing. Just naked fear. Though it was a rather spectacular accident to have a vulture fall from the sky onto my windshield while driving down the road.
Judith Gips said, you lead a very interesting life. I don't think I know anyone else who has been hit by a falling vulture. True, that. It’s not every day you get clobbered by a vulture falling from the sky. His wings completely covered the windshield, I could not see where I was going, I had to pull over. But I couldn’t even see in order to pull over. I had to do it driving blind.
Luckily I was driving on Pepper Road slowly going around a road crew, so it was no big deal. There was a wide shoulder, no ditches. I think a power line was down, and he got electrocuted. Maybe he was the reason why the lines were down. There were tree and power line trucks all over, we're having a red flag fire warning, high winds and no rain in a bone-dry December. Drought weather. It all could go up in smoke again. Another utility pole near the Two Rock Coast Guard Station had already set the grass on fire last week.
I got out of the car to make sure the vulture was OK, but I also didn’t want to stress him out any more than he already was. Poor creature was hopping around because he couldn’t fly. And I was wondering how the hell I was going to try and rescue a vulture, they’re enormous animals. Much bigger than you’d think. The animal rescue place was right down the road on Meecham, by the dumps.
Katherine Hastings said, Gee, you could at LEAST have given him mouth-to-mouth! Well, considering that their nostrils go right through their skull to the other side like a hollow cave, it would be really a challenge to give mouth-to-beak to a vulture. For a moment there I thought I was going to have to add vulture wrestling to my animal rescue resume. Opossum nanny was bad enough.
Rich Arik wanted to know, Is that a poem or a true story? Were you clobbered, or, was you car clobbered by a vulture? I said yes, my car. Yes, a true story. You can’t make this kind of shit up. It’s too weird even for me to craft this bizarre event into a poem.
Apparently the poor thing got a shock from the power line. He was careening around so I had to pull off the road because when he hit my car, his wings covered my entire windscreen. And I couldn’t see a thing. Can you imagine explaining to the CHP how you got into the accident? But officer, I was driving down the road and out of nowhere this vulture fell out of the sky on top of my car. A breathalyzer test for sure even if it was early morning.
Luckily I was already driving slow because of roadwork. PG&E guys fixing the powerlines, and also electrocuting vultures, apparently.
The vulture sat in the front yard of the farm house for a quite a while, stunned (he wasn’t the only one) with his wings outspread, as if he was sunning himself. Eventually he was able to lift off the ground, but his navigation was for shit, and so he careened and crashed hard into the side of the farmhouse several times. BAM! Like a drunk kamakazi pilot.
By this time he had an audience. We watched him flounder around, trying to get his bearings. I suspect he will be fine, other than crashing into random things during liftoff. I’m sure he is muttering under his breath right about now about lost dignity and whatnot. Apparently 2020 is for the birds, it really sucks. Even for vultures.
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