COVID Fluff

So, my pants are punking me. Tired of my old jeans w/ shallow pockets, I bought new ones, only to discover the plus-size was no longer quite so plus due to stray surplus COVID-19 calories.

Ironic in that the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that I swear by, except for that last pair with a shallow pockets, but they always run way too big. But I am between sizes. Story of my life. I am neither a 10 nor a 12. My pants tend to fall off my ass. Belts don’t really help. So I either buy a size 12 and take them in. Or buy a size 10 and hope it runs large enough to not give me cameltoes. Some choice, ass rack or hoo-ha crack.

I assume all Gloria Vanderbilt pants are made in China, but these are clearly post COVID-19 pants. Different style, I like the smaller waistline, and with the roomier crotch bits below. This time the size 12 fits like a 10, sans crack. No more delicate ruptured bits.

I don’t have very much by way of a butt to hold my pants up. Putting my wallet in my pocket sometimes means my pants go south like a gangstah when I least expect it. I am unused to having pants fit—to say the least. Ah, but the craic’s good when it comes to a pair of comfortable tailored pedal pushers in summer. Having two boobs at the same time precludes finding tailored shirts that will fit.