Tuesday, June 22, 2010

How Grief Comes in

My self-proclaimed Jewish Mama friend of 30 years died, & 24 hours later, it's hit me—I am incapable of multi- or single-tasking—because I'm ADDled, & I got a huge parking ticket, a flat tire—missed a chance to see a concert with Andy Irving (Planxty) & now I need a Jewish Mama to recover from loss of my Jewish Mama. I'm drinking wine & eating everything chocolate. Wonder how chocolate and bagels and lox would go?

Weird, how grief comes in. I was good for about 12 hours (call it shock)...then every task became impossible to complete. I was absolutely attention-deficit. I've learned to compensate well–and hide it even—until something comes along and unmasks me. Dyslexia coupled with ADD/ADS are a double whammy—that Camus quote I posted about expending extra energy to appear "normal" —or merely comes at a great cost. Ha!

I tried driving in rush hour traffic. OMG! That's why I came home. I was a menace to society behind the wheel. It's like having PTSD. I was like that for a long time after a horrific car accident in 1997. Everything was hard to do—just going to the store was a major event. How grief comes in, on cobbled stepping stones, small islands in the stream.

Memorial info here: Marianne Ware

Please share your stories, poems, photos or leave condolences on Marianne's Memorial blog. I will post updates on it as well. Spread the word. I've lost contact with so many Sonoma County poets: Anne Erickson, Lee Perron, Peggy Ellingson, Gerrye Payne, Laura del Fuego, Simone Wilson, JJ Wilson, Richard Benbrook, Doug Powell, etc. We're adding poems. Do visit her page.

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