John Masura was very interested in my poetry and art grant idea. He said he knew of a few translators at Sonoma State and at World College. The CEIF grant wants university participation. Mark West, Binkley that is Marilyn’s school, are interested. Link up with Karen’s school? Sister City-USSR would offer a great school network. And it wouldn’t have to be every teacher from every school. A teacher from the selected schools.
I met many great people, Sonya and Rio. We all had dinner at Burbank‘s and I forgot my pain and misery for a while. The exhaustion levels dropped away and I began to enjoy life once again. How I’ve been coping is by keeping incredibly busy. No downtime to feel sorry for myself.
A message from Geoff. I told him about John and he was shocked, he thought we were going to have babies together and all that stuff. So did I. He said we seem so right for each other. I thought so too. I thought I had met my perfect match. It’s always an interesting ritual to show off your current lover to your former lover. Sort of a compare and contrast list. And you know you’ve truly gotten to the other side when you can wish each other well.
Anyway, Geoff invited me to come up and visit and it sounds like he wants me to share the bed, long talks about electric blankets as replacements for lovers. I prefer cats. Sounds like he’s gone through a lot these past few years. And I’m not convinced I want another relationship with him. See how far the mind wanders ahead? He brushed me off like John. I don’t take abandonment lightly. I don’t know if he’s an alcoholic, or an alcoholic in progress. His father was a raging alcoholic and that is a huge turn off for me. He also lives too far away.
John must’ve sensed the possibility, he said that I’d rot away in the woods, my mind needs the stimulation of the city. I’m surprised by that observation. But there is my career as a writer and I agree, but the pull is they are just the same.
Geoff is fascinating but he doesn’t turn his skills into a tangible art practice. Except for maybe living off the land, he has wicked carpentry and homesteading skills, and is a sublime survivalist. If only we he were a writer in all that it implies. He’s both world-wise and naïve and is somehow moved to tears by stories of the universe. He’s a natural storyteller.
But I need the intellectual stuff too, God help me. Maybe that’s why I’m also interested in Steve Torre. But he’s got heart woes of his own. He’s like John and Geoff, almost a combination of the two. He’s older than John and has two daughters 18 and 22. Which gives me pause.
At least Geoff is my age. I need to find someone my age who has gotten it together. Is that an impossibility to ask? I’d prefer a poet and there in lies the conundrum. I need that stimulation and I want someone who is equally comfortable in both worlds, city and country. I’d love to continue my travels in South America, and the South Pacific, so I’m looking for someone who likes to travel, someone whose mind is burning bright, someone like me.
Geoff said you do know you are a very strong woman? Very powerful. Burning heart. John said he was glad to have known the real me that the world has yet to meet. He admires my intellect, my creativity and thinks I’m going to be a famous poet someday. And I know I burn bright. Grassroots talent and ambition. My mind warring through mediocrity and complacency. I’m so afraid that I won’t find a matched mind, not that they don’t exist, it’s a matter of logistics and circumstance.
I need a mountain man equally at home on the land and in the board room. Someone interested in CPITS types of things, is creative, a writer, a mover and shaker, self-realized, self-actualized. I want someone who’s zany, has a good sense of humor, loves camping, world travel, is fluent in Spanish, is warm, affectionate and loving. Wants kids but doesn’t want a wife to take care of him, can take care of himself, is independent and is comfortable where the traditional roles are not the norm. Someone who is good in bed, good-looking, good to be with,someone who is a refuge to hang my heart on. Someone who is self-employed, or a teacher, a writer… Is that asking too much?
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