Saturday, June 5, 2010

Hypnotizing a Wild Duck


Apparently I can hypnotize wild ducks: can you see it on the resume? At Lake Temescal we found a rather irate wild mallard with fishing line wrapped around his foot. Leah stepped on the line, I grabbed the shocked duck. Luckily, I fished out my penknife beforehand as I had my hands and arms full of a vigorously protesting wild duck.

I thought he was going to beat me to death with his wings. Then I remembered the old chicken hypnotizing trick, I flipped the drake over on his back and he lay comatose in my arms, as Leah cut away the line. He was tracking my feet, watching every step I took. Wrestling with him and his long wingspan—I thought to myself—Leda and the Duck?

What a canard he was, playing dead like that. I could feel his wildly pounding heart. I thought it would burst in its cage. I'm surprised he didn't faint, considering how everyone was coughing up recipes on how to roast him in orange glaze sauce.

Then I let the bird go–he took off for open water swearing up a proper storm. Ungrateful foul-mouthed fowl.

Close encounters of the quacky kind? Someone said: Send him the bill. Nah, I didn't take his bill, he needed it more than I. Besides, it was so yellow and shiny as the sun. Without a bill he couldn't quack & curse a cacacoughany in the bulltail reeds.

Today is Dead Duck Day—'splains a lot. I let him go, really. Though there was plenty of talk about how to prepare wild duck. Enjoy the final hours of Dead Duck Day. Quack!

Think I need a shot of Wild Turkey.

from Facebook
added & rev. 6/17

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