Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Party of One


Wild Oats                     ©Maureen Hurley

During the 1980s and '90s, I used to live next door, well, a few cabins up, from many blues musicians at Celli's Cabins in Forestville, on the Russian River. The rustic cabins were originally weekend summer rentals, later they were workers' cabins. Then, they became an artist enclave. I was fortunate to have lived there for 20 years among many noted musicians.


What great impromtu BBQs we had at the cabins in various configurations: we were all living in and out of each other's pockets, er, cabins—they were so tiny, you had to go out into the driveway to change your mind. In Cabin Number One, there was Alastair Ingram, saxophonist, and flyfisher, born in Dundee, Scotland, but raised in Wisconsin. His band, Blue Moon, still rises in the sky at night, blue notes and all.

And across from Alastair, in Cabin #10, there was Sonny Lowe, Chicago-style bluesman, one fab mouth harpist (and a right good a good kisser). We always loved to boogie when Sonny Lowe and the Blenders were jammin' at Jasper O'Farrell's. 


Once dubbed the "highest jumpin' white man in the US," before an injury put an end to his hopes of breaking the world high jump record and a shot at the Olympics, that long, tall cool drink of water, AKA Max "Sonny" Lowe, who could jump 7' 2" from a standstill, picked up a harmonica and he never looked back. That man had soul. And he walked with a springboard gizmo in his shoes.

Sonny was also a shade tree mechanic adept at fixing cars. He was the only man who could keep my '81 blue Mitsubishi truck, codenamed Lazarus, running. He had the magic hands. I'd sidle on up to Sonny and say, "Come look under mah hood," ala Sonny Terry and Brownie MacGhee whenever I needed a tune-up or my carburators rebuilt. He'd laugh and say, "Yes ma'am!" and always undercharged me for the work, as I babysat his son Nathan for free. 


We were all cash-strapped. (Some things never change.) Sonny preferred Peach Schnaps to money as a tip. Said it soothed his voice. To this day, the odor of peaches reminds me of him.

Sometimes Sonny's friend Charlie Musselwhite would pull up in his white van. Charlie lived in the town of Sonoma. For a while, I was Nathan's babysitter and odd mother-figure of sorts. I loved helping to raise that kid. He brought out the child in me. We were inseparable. It was love at first sight. 


Sometimes Nathan called me "Dad" even when his own dad was standing there next to him. We'd all laugh and Sonny would look down at his feet and get all uncomfortable. He knew what the kid wanted. Nathan's mother, Cindy, who was trying to straighten herself out after a half-life of heavy partying, and drugs, wanted it too—if only for Nathan's sake. But it was not to be. I regret that life not lived.

Sonny taught me the root meaning of the blues, it took me a long time to recover from that kind of class act. Living next to Sonny fostered a lot of writing on my part—some of it was decent. Most of it, not. 


Even writing about this blogpost makes me squirmy like I was doin' sumptin' wrong. But sometimes I can't help myself. The pieces just write themselves into a corner or wander where they will down a long open road—while I'm unsuccessfully holding onto some sort of a through-thread for dear life.


Ain't nobody that can croon and play that harp and tongue those bent notes like Sonny, except maybe, Charlie Musselwhite, or Norton Buffalo (rest his soul.) Norton lived in Sonoma too, then moved up to Paradise. Then he went to the other paradise. To this day, I can't listen to the lonesome wail of an harmonica without thinking of Norton or Sonny.

On an impulse, Charlie gave Sonny his big white gig van, packed full of stuff destined for Goodwill, and that gig van doubled an extra spare bedroom for various visiting folks. We had a great time unpacking that treasure trove of a van stuffed with antique furniture, musical instruments, clothes, and two dark tabby kittens. I used to wear one of Georgina's vintage black dresses at many of my poetry readings. It brought me luck.

 Celli's Cabins                           ©Maureen Hurley

Evan Morgan lived in Cabin #2. Evan's an acoustic guitarist, ukelele and mandolin picker of New Riders of the Purple Sage fame. Evan's NRPS bandmates and many other musicians rarely came to visit... mainly because Evan was usually on the road with them. He'd come back full of stories. When Evan played bluegrass and Celtic music—whether on his Martin, mandolin or on a fiddle, he was at his finest. I couldn't get enough of that music. 

At the time, Evan was touring with Lost Highway Band (not the movie), but Forestville was his base camp. I remember the buzz going round the cabins when Evan auditioned for NRPS. I'm sure we all celebrated that night. Not that I was a NRPS fan, but I proudly displayed a NRPS sticker on my rear truck window for Evan's sake. 

We saw a whole lot less of Evan when he hooked up with a French blonde welfare mom who was the daughter of a friend of mine. With a cheshire cat smile, she devoured him from the rooster up. It ran in the family. He no sooner looked, then he loved, and when he loved, it was an all-consuming once in a lifetime kind of love. Now, Evan was right fine to look at, but he just sort of wasted away when he found out she was lip-synching band members while he was on the road.

Evan and Sonny shared Charlie Musselwhite's two cats, brother tabbys, Hucky and Mucky. Hucky—short for Huckleberry—who was more dog, than cat, was a people cat. He was smarter than his brother, he could open doors, and deduce things, but Mucky, a recluse by nature, was more interested in sucking his own balls than cozying up to folks. Neutering put a stop to that vice. Couldn't suggest that option to Evan. But it might have saved him some grief. Some things just need to play themselves out. 

Hucky decided Evan wasn't around much and one day he went out to Mirabel Road to find him (he recognized all our cars when we pulled up the driveway) but he thumbed a ride with death instead. Maybe someone drove by in a car that sounded like Evan's. Maybe Hucky was terminally lonesome. Or maybe he just committed suicide. It wasn't like him to go out onto the highway. We all mourned that cat. Mucky was devastated without his brother. It was about that time that he became more people friendly.

Former NRPS band member, Grateful Dead drummer, Micky Hart, lived across the way from us, off Mirable Road, so there were infinite musical party permutations possible on any given night. I don't recall ever meeting the NRPS guy whose death spawned this particular piece of memoir, Marmaduke, aka John Dawson, but I was pretty oblivious to names, so anything was possible. 


 The road across the way         ©Maureen Hurley

I never officially went over to Micky Hart's place across the way, I was too shy, but I did stand outside in his driveway to listen when most of the remaining Grateful Dead showed up one night to play. But it was cold standing there in the dark alone, so I went home. Alone.

Come to think of it, the Grateful Dead and NRPS connection, is probably why one member of It's a Beautiful Day, David LaFlamme of White Bird fame, was living on the River, working at the Guerneville gas pump. There's not many who can clam to have David LaFlamme—a world class violin virtuoso—pump gas into their car. His infinitely sad eyes were as blue as my VW Bug, and his hair, white blond as sunlight on the river. 


I should have just given Evan my dad's indigo blue Jaguar coupe way back then when he asked for it, when it was still running, now the carbs are frozen up and the wirings shot—but I was too unresolved and conflicted over my dad's death. Now it sits abandoned in the driveway, reduced to rust by the elements, junkyard bound in the slow lane.


Across the creek from me, ceramicist-musician Joel Bennett played salsa chord progression riffs on a not-so-baby grand piano that dominated the living room like a shiny volcano. On weekends, with artists and art lovers dropping in for Open Studio, it was like Little Havana at Joel's joint.

Italian pine   ©Maureen Hurley

In Cabin #7 there was Paul Ellis, painter and a regular Jeckyl & Hyde fiddler-classical violinist. Paul could change from classical pieces to bluegrass at the drop of a hat. Sometimes even in the middle of the same tune. He had a running classical chamber duo gig with Ron Jones and/or Don Coffin at local restaurants on Sunday afternoons, but Paul could break out into some serious barnstorming fiddling come Friday night. AKA Redwood String Trio, The Hot Frittatas, etc. (Pix of Paul & Don at the Kate Wolf Festival).

Paul painted a lovely canvas of my cabin, with all its cow skulls and art accretions, the Shasta daisies out front were in full tilt. (A pdf that mentions Paul & Kate Wolf). His friend, Don Coffin (Kate Wolf's ex-husband), who drove a vintage green caddie convertible, often came to visit. That's how I met Don, he came cruising up in this drop-dead gorgeous car and I ran out to see what all the fuss was about. 

I later realized I'd met Don years earlier when he was living in Sebastopol, so it was a reunion of sorts. Kate and Don had long since split up. I remember all of us going over to his house after a poetry reading and playing music into the wee hours, the potbelly stove belching smoke. Paul was probably there too. It was a small world.

And in the other cabins, lived various itinerant cabinmates—Cabin #4 got a real workout. George rented it for a while, then an ex-boyfriend, Jim Byrd moved some of his furniture in, but stayed with me. It mostly stood empty for ages. The last tenant was Steve DuBois, a fine drummer, who was my good buddy. Weekends, Steve played for Tommy Castro, at The Saloon in North Beach. (See Steve with The Doorslammers Johnny Nitro Salute). Sometimes I'd drive into the city to hear them play, but I was partial to Sonny's blues style. And the city was more than a long ways from Forestville.

Cabin 6                                      ©Maureen Hurley

Another shortlived cabin-mate (Cabin #6) was an official Marboro Man, Bill Dutra, who was a friend of Leonard Matlovich's, of Time Magazine fame. Ironically, Bill didn't smoke at all, but KS ravaged his beautiful sculpted face. Ironic also, that the iconic face of the manly man of the American West was a gay roving blade. 

A decorated Vietnam war veteran who served three tours of duty and awarded a Purple Heart, Leonard Matlovich made the cover of Time Magazine in 1975 when he broke cover and "came out" while serving in the Air Force. 

Come to think of it, Bill Dutra was probably plastered on the back cover of that same Time Magazine, riding a horse into the Marlboro country sunset, a filtered ciggie dangling from his lips.


Bill told me Leonard who was buried in the same row as J. Edgar Hoover—was poetic justice. His tombstone reads: “When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.” Bill told me a funny story about "Jedgar's" penchant for cross-dressing like a girl and how the FBI had to scramble to cover it up from the press.

Steve the banjo player m
oved into Cabin #2 when Evan left. I can't remember his last name. Maybe Wharton? Starts with a hwa-hwa sound. But I can remember the names of all his cats. Rounder used to bring us fresh kill. Nothing quite like finding crunchy little gopher feet on your doorstep in the morning—with your bare feet, Steve playing "Cripple Creek" in the distance.

Then there's New Englander, Rob Harrison who moved into Bill's cabin (#6) after he died. Rob worked with Sonny as a counselor at halfway homes. He carried on ordinary conversation at 80 decibels. No need for a phone, you could hear Rob clear in the next county. Rob was from Woodstock. Must have been from listening to all that good music up close and personal.

The orchard                              ©Maureen Hurley

In Cabin #9 was Persian rug restorer and emphysemic storyteller George Howell, George was one of the original dharma bums who really lived a legendary life of Dharma Bums fame, having 'balled' Janis Joplin in the back seat of Jack Kerouac's car as it made that famous cross-country run in the late 1950s—I can't remember his Beat name in the book. Gary Snyder's name in the book was Japhy Ryder. 

Violet-eyed George, with the beard of a wild Armenian, who also happened to be half-Armenian, stood well over six feet, was overfond of Robitussen and speed in his youth, and so, was near toothless. He wheezed like a Wurlitzer when we washed hand woven antique Persian rugs—worth more than all our collective incomes—in the orchard. Wildness ran in the family. In Hana, stories still circulate about George's Welsh haole uncle, Dr. Howell who had a thirst as prodigious as that of Dylan Thomas. When I was in Hana, Dr. Howell was fondly remembered. 

I dragged a few musicians home from time to time. After a private party at The Top of the Mark in SF—I was a flower girl in medieval costume heralding the way for Scottish bagpiper, Peter Kapp—we held a moonlit ceili right in the driveway, with Peter piping and skirling and everyone dancing up and down the driveway until we were breathless and covered in dust.

Then there was the Love Choir's unstrung guitar hero Trygve Tryggestad, an old high school flame who could play the guitar like he was at the crossroads with the devil himself. But he had a regular woman stashed somewhere in the woodwork, I wasn't into playing second fiddle—and that was that. Another life I regret not having lived.

 River Road, flood                     ©Maureen Hurley

On hot summer nights, the crickets seethed, a chorus of mosquitoes hummed in unison, liquor freely flowed, two kinds of smoke rose, and George made a wicked raita & a baba ghanoosh to die for. Ah, yes, those were the days...in Celli's Cabins, in Forestville, by the river, the wild moon rising over the orchard. 

There was not much need to go into town to hear live music. We had it all at Celli's Cabins. Except for when Sonny and the boys were blending tasty treats up at Jasper O'Farrell's Pub. Besides, the dance floor at Jasper's was better than groovin' alone in the gravel driveway as the boys were all playing music. 


Party of one? 


I had to leave Forestville in order to get a life. But I miss those good old days, never realizing how good we really had it. We all moved on, got married, shacked up, settled down. End of an era.

Sometimes, I still dream of Sonny crooning the classic, Yes Miss Bessie, You Sure Got a Good BBQ! in a smoky voice that planted the blues deep down into my soul. And I wonder about Nathan, of course, that almost-child of mine by mutual adoption. Did he grow up to be a musician following his daddy's footprints? Or did he become an artist like me? This child I never had.

Forestville                                ©Maureen Hurley
When I began this piece, there was nothing on the internet about Bill Dutra as the Marlboro Man, but a cousin forwarded this link for The Marlboro Cowboy, March 2009.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Man on the Moon


Cinco de Mayo supermoon 2012 © Maureen Hurley

The day Man landed on the moon, I was a salad girl, eight months into my first job at the Rancho Nicasio in West Marin, Northern California. Glen Kerch, co-owner and cook, and a hard taskmaster, popped his head into the salad closet and said, "Get yourself out to the bar right now. This is historic." 


I wiped salad dressing on my butcher apron and joined the waitresses and cooks, ranchers, and afternoon bar patrons perched on barstools to watch the moon landing from a TV nestled among moose heads and cobwebbed deer racks.

I will never forget when Armstrong said, "Houston, The Eagle has landed." And how, at Aldrin's request, we all paused to consider the heavens, bow our heads and give thanks. That afternoon, the dingy, dark bar became an altar of light to the gods as unbeknownst to us, Aldrin received communion on the moon.

First Moon Man Neil Armstrong's famous words still reverberate, "One small step for Man, one giant leap for mankind," as he and Buzz Aldrin stepped off the ladder and fell to moon in slo-mo to become the first moonwalkers. A pufft of dust, their bootprints, indelibly etched in time as Aldrin kangarooed like a boy. The flag, stood stiffly at attention like a taffeta gown, Nixon's voice droned like tired bees.





Was it a color TV? I don't think so. But the afterimage of the flag was like a splash of dragon blood against the darkness of space.


FIrst Moon Landing 1969

As the afternoon stretched into infinity, we all felt like heroes. Kennedy's dream had been fulfilled. But the moon herself had also been defaced by Man.

One of my grandmother's favorite sayings was: "You've no more sense than the Man in the Moon," and here I was looking at men on the moon. One small step had irrevocably altered our perception of ourselves in the scope of the universe.


The third astronaut who manned the spaceship, Michael Collins, my cousin's namesake, never set foot on the face of the moon.

I later met one of the NASA engineers who described the absolute suspense when the lunar transmission was delayed. He said that during the landing that very nearly went wrong, everyone held their breath until they turned blue. A
nd the absolute pandemonium that broke out when the data finally came through. The engineer handed me a piece of gray volcanic rock. It was the moon. The moon.

I have held a piece of the broken moon in my hands. One of the Apollo 11 test cones is on the deck of the mothballed USS Hornet, with a display replete with moon rocks, Eagle insignia patches and photos of earthrise. It still takes my breath away.

Astronaut William Anders took the Earthrise photo in 1968. Stee sory here.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Hard drive scanning woes


Mind, what mind? Where? After meticulously backing up a failing hard drive all day yesterday and into the wee hours and reconciling orphan files, only to have new hard drive not show up....I have no mind. No nails or hair left either.

I need an older, make that retro, G4 OS 9 bootable Mac to support an obsolete SCSI Nikon Coolscan on loan..it won't run under Classic mode. I need to scan some negatives for Pat Nolan's book on Black Bart Poetry Newsletter for Poltroon Press. Seems like I was the only one taking photos in those daze. And I need to liberate those images from the negative past. Alas, I haven’t had darkroom access since 1990. I don’t miss the chemicals.

My artist wishlist. A working modern slide/film scanner. Meanwhile my G5 iMac HDD laid down and died (you already know that) and I don't have the right OS Tiger install disks, and cloning no longer works—Daisy the sheep syndrome. Bad files promulgating bad files. And I'm waiting for my replacement Seagate drives to arrive... I'm thumb/hoof twiddling the night away, here, folks. And all this under deadline.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

ON ACHIEVING TOTALITY



The last total eclipse I witnessed
was July 11, 1991, on the Big Island,
in the City of Refuge, from the heiau
of Pu`uhonua o Honaunau.

It was devastatingly awesome
that morning, a total eclipse of the sun.
People cheered, wept, hugged strangers,
got married on the beach in feather cloaks,
took another toke, and passed it on.

It was either a day of bad omens
or for unbelievably good luck. Twice blessed.
Who could choose? Totality had been achieved.
The sun turned into a diamond ring
in a double dawn dressed in adamantine skies.

In Keoneʻele Cove, where Hawai'ian royalty bathed—
to swim there was a crime, punishable by death—
I drifted with green sea turtles the size of boogieboards.
In a restless sea rising to the gravitational pull
of both sun and moon harnessed in unison,
a second darkness descended like an obsidian knife,
the dawn birds and fish all fell back to sleep.

Like clouds of bright fallen leaves at my feet,
schools of manini—striped convict tang—
caught red-handed in suspended animation,
were imprisoned by tide out of time.

The day before, I saw molten lava plunge into the sea,
and I stepped on newly minted earth.
My hiking boots melted, the surf belched acid rain,
but red-hot lava exploding in the waves
& the sun turn into a dark eye in a morning sky
were both equally an experience of a lifetime.

Between both days, I could not choose one,
I was Solomon’s child divided between two mothers.
My eyes had been twice burned by the birth of beauty.
And that vision had made me sandblind to the ordinary.
The apogee of my understanding of beauty, obsolete.


Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My Irish Redhead post on Celtic Woman Forum

Ha! My Irish Redhead blog post is quoted at length on Celtic Woman Forum

Only caveat is that I rewrote and revised that blog for months after‚ so this is an early permutation.

Quote from: Gail on June 06, 2009, 10:51PM

The "redhead" of Ireland originally came from the assimilation of the Norwegians into ancient Eire (sorry, Ireland) - according to Irish history, Eric the Red had flaming red hair and so did his son, Leif Ericson.

History and scientific genetic studies show otherwise. In fact it may have been the reverse.
It's been proved that the red hair gene Melanocortin 1R was present in Ireland even before the Celts.
The Celts arrived in Ireland around 700 BC, the Gaels around 100 BC.
The Vikings invaded almost 1500 years after the Celts, in 795 AD.
They were defeated by Brian Ború in 999 AD and again in 1014 AD.
Dr Jonathan Rees, Edinburgh University Professor, discovered the recessive gene Melanocortin 1 while conducting studies on redheads.

Here is a quote from a piece about redheads:
"So far, I've found no evidence that Dr. Rees, or any geneticist, equated Irish red hair with the introduction of roving Viking or Finnish genes. If anything, it was probably a stray bit of Irish (or Scottish) DNA in the Viking gene pool that introduced redheadedness to Scandinavia (but not Sweden) as the Dublin Vikings routinely took Irish wives, and some went back to Norway.

Early medieval literature reveals that most Vikings were blond (or dark), but not red-haired. The few redheads among them were singled out with names such as Eric the Red, or Rurik, as they were not typical of their Nordic Race.

Several genetic studies reveal that the highest per capita red-haired genetic marker was in Ireland. Period. Not Scandinavia. I've yet to find a study stating that 40-46% of all  Scandanavians or Finns carry the recessive marker. Genetic DNA tests also suggest that red-hair genes were common among the first Britons."

The ancient Greek ethno-historians, especially Dio Cassius, noted in their observations that there were an awful lot of really big blond/flaxen and redheaded Celt warriors with grey eyes. He described the Iceni warrior Queen Boudicca as being “tall and terrifying . . . a great mass of red hair fell over her shoulders” to her hips.

According to the Roman historian Livy, Roman general Manlius Vulso called the Celts of Asia Minor a fierce nation: "Their tall bodies, their flowing red hair, gigantic shields and long swords, together with their howling as they go into battle, their shouts and leapings and the fearful din of arms as they batter their shields according to some kind of ancestral custom—all these things are designed to terrify!"

The Celts certainly got around; they also settled en masse in Macedonia and Thrace. Philip of Macedonia had a large Thracian Celtic armies. Alexander the Great commented upon the  Celtic warrior's bravery.
Also, thousands of Celtic mercenaries were employed by the Egyptian Ptolemies, in 283-246 BC and 186 BC, and they attempted to overthrow Ptolemy II. By the way -  Cleopatra (a Ptolemy) was a redhead.

Red is the rarest hair color in the world: less than 4% of world's population has naturally red hair. Scotland and Ireland have an unusually high incidence of redheadedness. Irish people carry the highest ratio of red-haired gene (and its variations) in the world.
Those of Celtic Origin in Ireland share a cultural and musical tradition with Celts in Brittany and the Celt-Iberians of Gallicia in Northern Spain, where the redhead gene is much in evidence.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

VANCOUVER VARIATIONS

VANCOUVER VARIATIONS

It was eerily amazing to see
a huge Iranian rally in Vancouver
students lining both sides of W Georgia St
all the way from Stanley Park to the top of the hill,
to Burrard, the heart of Vancouver's financial district.
Everyone in black, holding green balloons,
clapping and flashing peace signs.
Drivers honking in unison and in solidarity.

6/28/2009


Blast from the Soviet Past


Kirk Whipple & Marilyn Morales  wrote:
Hola, guess what we got an email from Sasha Karpenko. He has two kids from 2 different mothers. He wanted to know if we know anything from Fred Ptucha and John Masura.We have not spoken to them since 1997. Are you in contact with either one? We started the concerts this weekend. We had two great shows. Today is the third one. Besitos MM
Maureen Hurley No, I've been SO out of touch! we're in Seattle, just returned from a week in the San Juans, Victoria & Vancouver, BC. Home again in CA, but NON is off to Scotia on Wed. to see his mum. We'll catch up later.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

ACROSS THE BORDER

ACROSS THE BORDER

Within hearing distance of Victoria Harbour,
we sit and savor the long white nights;
but we're really south of Friday Harbor, San Juan Island,
So why does twilight seem so much longer
across the border?

6/25/2009

Monday, June 22, 2009

ORCAS IN THE STRAITS

ORCAS IN THE STRAITS

Orcas on the Straits,
we sang them in on the Solstice.
Kyaked into English Camp
& hiked Young Mountain (awk, I'm not so young)
for a panorama of the San Juans;
the Olympics so clear, so close,
you could touch them with a spoon.
They rose up like orcas breathing to the sky.


6/22/2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Facebook censorship, Iran election

I posted an Iran election link to the New Yorker and got this from FaceBook: "Your behavior indicates that you may be in violation of Facebook's Terms of Use. Continued misuse of Facebook's features could result in your account being disabled.”

FB Block is still on my account. This is a test. It's just danged irritatin'—considering the two actual Anderson Cooper news links I was trying to post on censorship in Iran! It amounts to a gag order. And here, the Army is lifting their block on social networking. Who's your army now?  If my profile disappears, you'll know where to look. Please send in bread and water at neap tide. No ruler-bearing nuns, please. I already have splinters on my tongue,

Sunday, June 14, 2009

VARIATION ON YEATS "Love is like a Lion's Tooth:"

VARIATION ON YEATS "Love is like a Lion's Tooth"

Love arrived like thunder before a storm,
all pompous and out of breath.
It tingled with ozone and the odor of first rain.
It stung the eye with a splash of red roses
splayed against an neon blue wall.
It itched like wild strawberries on the tongue.
It planted butterflies deep in the stomach
like when a mangy dog licks your lips.
There was no howling of wolves
or wolfish howls, wolf whistles,
or an aural fixation of harp stings.
No angel bands dancing on pinheads
needed to apply for the job.
The position was already filled.
Love sharpened its claws and gnashed its fangs,
drew its customary pint of blood until the sky
was filled with such longing and an urge for
a rousing game of Tic-tac-toe with the moon.
The outcome was inevitable.
All those Xes and Os led them astray.

It was also a very long time ago.


6/14/2009

This was a prompt for a poem on the five senses for Donna

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Last days teaching


Tho I be sick (thanks to kinder kids for sharing those bugs), my 2nd Grade poetry finale at Beach ES was a brill sendoff. We designed symbols from our lives and dreams in our hands, and wrote poems: Inside my hands... they became extraordinary illustrations for their poetry anthology. We sent them into the cusp of summer with their hands full of poems. And now I have to glaze tiles with Cleveland ES kids the rest of the day...deadlines....ah, the restorative power of thick, blacker than gall Irish tea! Up & at 'em!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

BASIL METAPHOR

BASIL METAPHOR

I think we think in metaphor first without realizing it
and then we work our way back toward simile
so people don't think we're nuts!

This AM I looked at my recently shorn basil
(who recently committed their leaves to pestocide)
and thought of "sheep." Sheep-shorn basil.

Then I corrected myself: basil, like shorn sheep.

Either that, or it was the catnip to blame.

5/9/09

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Sheep Sheer metaphor


Aristotle wrote: The greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor. Plato didn't trust metaphor because it wasn't measurable.

This morning I looked at my recently shorn pathetic basil (that had involuntarily offered up all their leaves to a pestocide binge on my part) and I immediately thought of sheep.

I said aloud, poor sheep-shorn basil. An involuntary metaphor!

Then I corrected myself: and said, The basil looks like it was shorn by sheep.

Perhaps my involuntary metaphor was due to a profound lack of morning tea in my system that induced such a thought. Either that, or it was the catnip.

The point is, I saw the metaphor first in my mind's eye, then I backed off, and turned it into a simile, which is weaker, albeit safer.  Metaphor makes me look crazy, simile is a logical rationalization process.

I think that we think in metaphor first without realizing it, and then work our way back toward the logic of simile so that people don't think that we're completely nuts! Crazy talk.


Friday, June 5, 2009

Reading went well


Tweet: Maureen Hurley & @cechaffin to read at Poetry & Pizza, Jun 5 @7:30 PM. $5 door to benefit: CA Poets in the Schools. Escape from NY Pizza, 333 Bush St,, SF. Pizza: all you can eat. Poetry: priceless! Glenn Ingersoll, host.
Sorry I missed your show, just too tired & getting around is a problem for me, I have no good excuse and I wanted to hear you and meet you!; I'm shocked that you mentioned Herman Berlandt. I knew him many years ago, isn't he very, very old? Still in Bolinas?

I said: No worries. Reading went very well....it's a great space & the owner is a poet. Check out: Escape from NY Pizza. 333 Bush; readings are the 1st Fri of the month, beginning again in Sept. 

Some Canadians even filmed us, thinking I was going to do a Celtic thing, and I'd made a reading around Ca Poets in the Schools, as that was what we raised $ for at the door. So I sang Siuil a Run in Irish to placate them. Migod, I haven't read in CA in 10 years! Reading in grad school doesn't count.

From a Facebook post.
added 6/17

Neither CE Chaffin nor Joie Cook are with us. Chaffin came through with his suicide threat and Joie's failing health got the best of her. Not sure about Herman Berlandt. When I visited him on the Mesa, he barely remembered me. Very depressing.



Wednesday, June 3, 2009

David Bromige 1933-2009





I learned of David’ Bromige's passing on Facebook. And on the cusp of Walt Whitman’s birthday, at that. David was instrumental in my becoming a poet. I remember well that fateful day, in 1979, auditioning for him over the phone (I was a housecleaner-nanny in Belvedere). I wanted to take his poetry class, and upon the urging of friends, I sent in a manuscript, never expecting that I would be accepted into the poetry class, or that it would become my life’s work.

He once quipped that I came charging into the Sonoma State University creative writing program with a full head of steam. No matter that I had absolutely no backgrounds in literature, and had to start at absolute zero with language. I had no inkling what a noun or a verb was, let alone, a modifier. When it came to my unorthodox uses of language, syntax, and punctuation, he was a patient man. What I appreciate most about having been his student is that he allowed me find my own voice and style.

And I ran with it to become editor of Sonoma Mandala Literary Review (now called Zaum), Open Hand and a coordinator for countless poetry events at SSU and in the community: Ear to the Ground, Russian River Writers’ Guild, etc., for 20 plus years.

It was through coordinating poetry readings and events at many Sonoma County venues, from SSU to Inn of the Beginning, West of the Laguna, Cotati Cabaret, Garbo's, Leonard Matlovitch's Stumptown Annie's, Higher Grounds, Copperfield's Books, and the Johnny Otis Niteclub—was where I apprenticed my varied and sullen craft.

At those readings I met the contemporary poets who became my extemporaneous teachers: Andrei Codrescu, Charles Bukowski, Thom Gunn, Charles Bernstein, Anselm Hollo, Allan Ginsberg, Carolyn Forché, Sandra McPherson, Galway Kinnell, Sharon Doubiago, Robert Hass, Eugene Ruggles. Bobby Kaufman, Diane di Prima (I put on a reading for her when "Loba" came out), to name a few.

Wisely, David did not attempt to shape and mold me into a L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poet. Fractured syntax and the exact placing of the eroded coastline of the word on the page was not my cuppa tea,

I was a narrative poet with a story to tell. He handed me readings lists: the poetry of Yeats, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Robert, Herrick, Wallace Stevens, William Carlos Williams, T. S. Elliott, H. D., and Chaucer—to name a few.

I later came to appreciate much of what David introduced me to, but I was a stubborn, if recalcitrant student, at best. Not much of a follower, more mulish than brilliant, and certainly not much given to idle hero worship. We had our moments.

I remember one time he called me into his office, I thought, uh-oh, it was going to be bad news, Surely I’d failed a class, but he reached into his filing cabinet and pulled out some beer, cracked it open, and we went over my writing portfolio.

I knew David suffered from childhood diabetes, and having a beer on the sly, was a real no-no. I sat through the tutorial, watching him like a hawk, terrified that he might slip into a diabetic coma. And then what would I do? Campus was closed for the weekend, no 911. Phones couldn't dial out off campus. It was an in-house system. (Pre cell phone days may be hard for the current generations to imagine, but watch '70s-'80s cops & robbers reruns, and you'll see a fair amount of film spent on people hunting down phone booths.)

I loved being an accidental TA as well, when David was in Oakcrest, the local looney bin, and I learned far more from the process of having to teach my peers, cold turkey, all at once, than if I’d been just a sedentary student in our Poetics Senior Seminar. Clifford Schwartz (who was auditing the class), Jim Montrose and I carried on with the class as if the professor had just stepped out for some air. The English Department wisely let us carry on with no one at the helm.

One time we were all in the Sonoma Mandala office, I was typing up poems for the latest issue and I had a momentary starstruck dyslexic faux pas of a moment when I blurted out: "Would you trust a poet in your mouth?" David was quick to quip back, "Hey ya, that's great!" recognizing the metaphor embedded within the Spoonerism. I was so utterly embarrassed, that to this day, I've no idea of what I was really trying to say. But David taught me to value those slip of tongues as random acts of poetry.

Instead of being nitpicky, David had a kindly way of pointing out typos and other glaring printed glitches. In the days before computers and spellcheck, we used an old IBM Selectric. He'd say, "I wonder who...typed 'it's' instead of 'its';" or "'there' when they meant 'they're'?" Or, "Hey, that's interesting. What do you think that comma's doing there? Or "Why do you think someone spelled it 'in memorium' instead of 'in memoriam'."

That was me, on all counts. I feigned innocence on the "it's/its" typo (and never repeated that mistake again, but the"memorium" was a calligraphic scribal error, I was distracted and it was a little harder to pass off as it was my own handwriting, not the IBM Selectric to blame.

Besides, I'd already run off the flyers for Boschka Layton's memorial service, so I spent the afternoon turning that "u" into an "a" on some 500 flyers. Because of David, I learned to pay closer attention to the grammar and structure of language, as well as to punctuation.

Another time, I happened to be in Vancouver, B.C, visiting a poet friend, Fred Herskovitch, who mentioned that a British poet was in town. Imagine my surprise when we trundled off from the depths of the Capilano Gorge to hear David read in a stuffy, hot and overcrowded bookstore loft, in Old Town, Vancouver. (It was a rare, humid sunny solstice evening). Somehow hearing his work out of context of the insular Sonoma County poetry circles put a new emphasis on his words. Or rather, to my listening skills. I was able to hear him in a fresh "voice.

Perhaps that weird Canada connection was the beginning of our friendship, and the beginning of my transition from that of student to peer. Like all good poets, we all went out for beer. Margaret Atwood was there (this was before Handmaiden's Tale and her subsequent rise to fame), David's son, Christopher, and I forget who else, was squeezed into our booth. But we talked into the wee hours as poets do.

(I am still processing what David meant to me as our early relationship was sometimes a firestorm of wills. Sometimes he could be so damned English! And me, well, so Irish. So as I process and remember, perhaps this blog will expand at a later date. Ironically, David lived in Ireland for a time—sent there to recover from TB—and had fond memories of his extended stay among the Irish. So our angst may have been merely a pedestrian garden variety of professor/student, rather than that of political boundaries.)

I have not even mentioned David's illustrious career as a poet (see the Wiki entry below), he contained a multitude of writing styles, but by far, one of my favorite, delightfully earthy and humorous poems of his is from:

Tiny Courts in a World without Scales


Mañana from Heaven

I just want a couple acres
in beautiful country
where I can put two-three Chevys
up on cinder blocks
and abandon a stack
of automobile tires

Last time I saw David was in Sebastopol, ca. 2001, right before he had his stroke. We bumped into each other coming from the market, and so we popped around the corner into a wine bar and we sipped a lovely tall glasses of cabernet mid-afternoon. Sinfully delicious. The circle completed—from student/professor to comfortable old friends. Like the whisper of worn corduroy. That day, tranquil, indelible as stone, will remain with me forever.

May the road rise lightly at your back, David.
May it rise like your words on the wind.
Here's to you, lad, I raise my class on high.

P.S. Hey David, look, I got "memoriam" right this time.

YANC residency



Rolling thunder from the north...rain in June? I's gonna be a long day, It's off to my Young Artist of Northern California residency at the Ronald C. Wornick Jewish Day School in Foster City for our final art class, silk painting session with 1st graders. Then I get to hang an art show for three classes, transform the classrooms and corridors into gallery space, and meet the parents. Gonna be a very long day.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

THE ETHIOPIANS ON THE BALCONY

ETHIOPIANS ON THE BALCONY CALLING HOME

The Ethiopians on the balcony
woke me from a sound sleep,
calling home to Africa
and shouting into the distance of the night.
I really wish they'd use a better cell connection
or talk indoors, I'm beginning to recognize
words in Tigrinya.

Remind me to tell the story of the woman
who sacrificed chickens every Sunday at dawn.
Wish I had recorded her chanting to the sun.
Then it was crooning chickens on the balcony
in downtown Oakland—until a rooster got into the mix.

6/2/2009


ETHIOPIAN ON THE BALCONY, 3 AM CALL

The Ethiopian on the balcony is calling home again.
He shout the entire distance to Addis Ababa on his mobile.
What is it about 3 AM calls anyway, is the satellite closer?
I'm beginning to pick up Amharic sound bites.
Then he cranks up an Arabic version of the Macareña
heavy on the ululation and drumbeks.
Which makes him shout even louder.
I'm thinking of a bagpipe revenge at 3 AM.
Anyone loan me some warpipes?

7/30/2009 

  •      ETHIOPIAN ON THE BALCONY
  • The Ethiopian on the balcony is calling home again. 
    He shout the entire distance to Addis Ababa on his mobile. 
    I'm beginning to pick up Tagrinyi words and sound bites. 
    Then he cranks up an Arabic version of the Macareña on the stereo. 
    I roll over and cover my head, my gawd, it’s after 3AM.
    Now he’s dancing on the balcony, a faint glimmer of dawn in the east.
    I give up on sleep, or rather, sleep has given up on me.

    First draft, except last three lines. from Facebook notes, added 7/21

ETHIOPIANS ON THE BALCONY, DRUMMING

The Ethiopians on the balcony are drumming (indoors)
and the call & response 
sounds like the Lakota Sioux "Budwieser" chant.

I wanted to record the woman who sang to the east 
on Sunday mornings, with crooning chickens 
raised to the sun—before the fateful dispatch. 
Added a new twist to the Chicken Every Sunday idea. 
I couldn't see her, only her shadow playing against the wall. 
The photograph I will never take.

And then one night I was awakened 
by a bunch of Africans (on the balcony) 
singing Ladysmith, albeit drunkenly. 
I stood in the moonlight at 3 AM, mesmerized. 
It never happened again. 
The Africans, they come and go 
on the apartment balconies like the seasons, 
making their way in this northern land.

8/3/2009

Monday, June 1, 2009

Maureen Hurley and C.E. Chaffin to read at Poetry & Pizza series, SF


Maureen Hurley
Storyteller, Celtic scholar, artist & poet, Maureen Hurley grew up in West Marin in Northern CA. Hurley holds an MA and a MFA in Creative Writing (poetry/ playwriting) from San Francisco State University, as well as a BA in Art Studio and Expressive Arts from Sonoma State University. As a graduate exchange student at UC Berkeley's Celtic Studies Department, she has studied anthropology, folklore and literature.

Working with California Poets-in-the-Schools and arts councils Maureen brings art and poetry to libraries, schools, prisons, retirement homes and hospitals. Besides magazine and web publication (check out her myspace page!), Maureen frequently performs her work, getting as far afield as Rotterdam’s Poetry International Festival and the Cherkassy Library in the Ukraine.

C.E. Chaffin
A native Californian (now living in Mendocino County) C.E. Chaffin graduated from UCLA in 1976, winning the top honor award in English, The Edward Niles Hooker Award, though, he says, he was not an English major. Later he taught Family Medicine at UCI and was named a Fellow of the American Academy of Family Physicians. Having retired from medical practice, Chaffin edited and published the literary ezine, The Melic Review. These days he keeps a blog, and teaches an online poetry course.

Spring '09 saw the publication of Unexpected Light (Diminuendo Press). Of the book’s poems poet & editor Seth Abramson says, “Here are words in service of integrity, poems in service of necessary revelations, and a poet in service of attention at its most elemental and unsettling."

Gate to benefit: California Poets in the Schools www.cpits.org

California Poets in the Schools is the largest writers-in-schools program in the nation. The program's primary focus is to encourage students to write, using their imagination, life experience, and special perceptions to create poetry. Poetry classes foster creativity, intuition and intellectual curiosity through the creative writing process.

Local Area Poet Coordinators administer the program, with a policy to place poets in schools in their own communities, often in their own immediate neighborhoods. Whether the school and community reflect an urban multicultural/bilingual population, a suburban environment or a rural farming area, CPITS has poets available who are of that community and familiar with its mores and values.

Poetry & Pizza is hosted by poet Glenn Ingersoll.
Glenn is a former student of Maureen Hurley And Zara Altair's.
Pizza is all-you-can-eat, poetry is priceless.

Escape from New York Pizza
333 Bush St (at Montgomery)
nearest BART is Montgomery Stn
nearest parking garage Sutter Stockton

7:30pm
$5 requested donation

links to maps:
http://www.facebook.com/l/;http://popizza.white.prohosting.com

Maureen Hurley & @cechaffin to read at Poetry & Pizza, Jun 5 @7:30 PM. $5 door to benefit: CA Poets in the Schools. Escape from NY Pizza, 333 Bush St,, SF. Pizza: all you can eat. Poetry: priceless! Glenn Ingersoll, host.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Tweed Waulking


Photo: Mabli Agozzino, Mouth Music workshop with Pam Swan at UC Berkeley. That's me in magenta sitting next to Pam.

Listening to the Browne Sisters sing A Thousand Curses on Love in Scots Gaelic (Mile Marbhphaisg Air A'Ghaol).

Call and response tweed waulking song from the West Hebrides—possibly one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in the whole wide world. Tweed waulking is exclusively women's work. Very tribal.

They've softened the blow, so to speak, with their harmonies. Usually the song has quite a thump downbeat as the women smash the tweed into the table and pass it on. Smash it down and pass it on.

No, we did not soak the tweed in urine as is traditional. But the tweed was soaked in water. It’s quite heavy.

Laundry day


How can any one man possibly use 21 pair of socks in one week? How many feet does he have? I hate doing laundry. Oh, and I didn't count the myriad orphan socks. Does he wear a pair each for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Not to mention a copious pile of shirts. My laundry, by comparison, is tiny. And he’s so dismissing of it all—like it was no big deal to wash a mountain of clothing. Women’s work. What am I, the Irish washerwoman? Indeed, I am going clean mad! In the midst of cursing up a blue storm, I wondered, Where do all the orphan socks go to die anyway? Listening to my new CD of the Browne Sisters sing A Thousand Curses on Love in Scots Gaelic (Mile Marbhphaisg Air A'Ghaol), a tweed waulking song from the West Hebrides. They've softened the blow with their harmonies. Usually the song has quite a thump downbeat as the women smash the tweed into the table and pass it on. A friend said, Then they smash their husbands who, of course, are ALREADY smashed! I replied, thinking of the laundry, An upside the head behavioral mod is useful now and then! I’m circling the drain.

Rev 5/20

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Teaching notes, Wornick Jewish Day School, Young Audiences


Grueling day teaching art at the Wornick Jewish Day school in Foster City; several of the kinderkids lost their pinch pots (they were all jumbled together in the kiln—not my doing, I didn’t load the kiln) & far too many of our cool butterflies blew up. Talk about the butterfly effect! We glazed 'em anyway. And then we glued them back together. The 1st graders made amazing wet pastel landscapes. Our schoolwide art show and Open House is coming up, so the madness is on. It is hard teaching ceramics as an artist in residence, I have to lug everything to each classroom. Backbreaking work. It’s hard enough with all the art supplies needed to teach two-dimensional art. But I’ve got it down to a science. Art a la cart catering. I’ve also taught silk painting at the school as well. And that too is a real production. Massive amounts of prep for both silk painting and clay. And to make things worse, the classes are only 45 minutes long with not transition time between classes. And I’m not paid anywhere near enough for the work that I do, with all the prep through Young Audiences. They’re charging the school nearly double what I get. At least it’s three sessions. Small miracles. And the commute to Foster City is challenging. I have to get up super early in order to get there on time. Otherwise I won’t up dealing with to traffic jams. But I do love crossing the San Mateo Bridge, the utter beauty of the bay, the salt flats, and the patterns of migrating birds.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Teaching notes, Cleveland ES


Prepped for 5 poetry classes today (4 are final-day classes which require an enormous amount of work to get them ready for the anthologies). And I had a glazing marathon, we glazed more tiles after school for the tile project. Dropping off glaze test tiles this AM to fire at Lake Merritt Junior College. OmiGawd, I’m knackered, but I made it to the end of the day. Then, my voice broke in 4th period (my fave 6th grade class was noisy), and after I got done scolding them, they gave me a pot of white mums! Awwww. Five poetry classes in one day = too much talking. Tiles will come out of the kiln on Thurs. We glazed a dozen more today. Life is good, and on time after all. Though I’m holding on by the skin of my teeth.

Monday, May 25, 2009

RIDING UP I-580 ON FUMES

RIDING UP I-580 ON FUMES

Riding up I-580 on fumes at 1 AM.
How exciting (no open gas stations).
I'm in love with Gaviota Pass/rest stop.
Those mountains are awesome.

Caffeined up in Kings City at 10 PM
in order to avoid driving
while under the influence of narcolepsy.

Now I really can't sleep,
knowing I missed a chance to read in N Hollywood
If only I was able to get my email this AM.

It's come to this. A cybernetic world
of missed connections.


5/25/2009

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Costa Mesa Highland Games


After a miserable drive down Interstate 5 sans AC, we're at the Highland Games, Costa Mesa. Fantastic impromptu Celtic jam session last night at the Irvine Marriot bar. The Browne Sisters, Neil O'Neill, Celtic Spring kids and David Brewer. They turned up the lights to kick us out. We'll show 'em, with bagpipes on the ramparts at dawn.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

MY HEART HURTS

MY HEART HURTS

Today, a kindergartner
who was the birthday girl,
painted a beautiful landscape
so beautiful, she said
it made her heart hurt,
her heart hurt.

5/4/09

Friday, May 8, 2009

REBOUND MOON



Maybe it's not you
but the moon on the rebound.
Rebound moon, swaddled
in gossamer derangements
of white on white
against an indigo night.

5/8/09

Sunday, May 3, 2009

DVD Cover Spoofs


Today Sinead and I designed fake DVD covers for her Women's Studies class show and tell final. We didn't have a lot of time so these had to come together rather quickly. She picked three movies that could've been about women. We tried to match the general feel of the movie images. We didn't have time to develop a full text, which could have been fascinating.

 When we were done, we were struck by how the happenstance of what we chose, created a stunning women's causal timeline. It gave us pause to think that Sojourner Truth's actions also gave rise to Amelia Earhart's flight, which leads to a futuristic scenario where Barbara Boxer will become the 45th president..

We picked Barbara because she was local, she is gutsy, and I worked for her way back in  1972, she she ran for  Marin County Board of Supervisors . I made her signs and posters, so it was fitting. Anybody but Sarah Palin, please!  (Double click on images to see full size).


back cover                                           front cover
back cover                                                   front cover
back cover                                                   front cover

Once we slipped the covers into the DVD jackets, they looked convincing enough to fool Neil into thinking they were real movies. So why hasn't anyone done a feature length movie on Sojourner Truth or Amelia Earhart?

Friday, May 1, 2009

PYGMY OWLS

                           —  for Crawdad Nelson



















I remember the first time I saw 
a family of pygmy screech owls
marching out of a burrow at dusk,
we were riding the donkeys home
around the last bend before the barn.
I thought the gophers had gone mad,
or taken leave of their senses,
until I realized they were small owls,
on a Groucho Marx drill parade. 
With white eyebrows raised,
wings tucked back, they gravely 
inspected a forest of equine legs,
a slow moving grove of hairy saplings. 
How many times had we passed their door 
walking home from school, sight unseen?
On the backs of our mounts,
we were the invisible ones.


Beltaine, May Day dream sequence

Lá buidhe Bealtaine shona daoibh. 

To celebrate the day of Beltaine,
wash in the May morning dew.

The woman who washes her face
in it will be beautiful;
the man who washes his hands
will be skilled with knots and nets.

Dew, they said DEW. not a feckin' downpour or monsoon! Sheesh! The rain woke me. No chance of dew. Then I remembered, the dream flooded back.... Beltaine, May Day is the night when the gates to the Otherworld open, it often comes in as if a dream. May First begins the season of the dream walkers.

* * *


I dreamed I was traveling on foot across the countryside, and in a wooded clearing, I stumbled across a wide barrow on my right. Thinking I'd stumbled upon something like the massive rabbit warrens that my grandmother crawled into as a child, seeking refuge in the hills above Bantry Bay, I got down on my hands and knees to see what I could see. I must've heard a noise because I looked deeper into the limnal jaws of the underground maw.

As my eyes adjusted to the dimness, I saw vermin, no, a little black fox, with matted fur, or at least I thought it was a fox. He was mangy and grubby but unafraid of my alien presence. Behind him I saw a buried Liliputian city, replete with Victorians painted yellow, orange and red, fiery, as if lit from within, in this underground cavern. It was night in that realm, streetlamps cast small pools of light on the pavements grey. Perhaps it was a reminder that this was a dream, not real.

The little fox was standing on a street corner, perhaps in another land, or another time. I no longer knew where I was, but I was growing frightened. This much I knew: the burrow was the gates to the
Otherworld. To enter the Otherworld was to never return to this realm, it was also the gateway to enchantment or death. Land to the west. Tír na nÓg. Perhaps. like Oisín, I would return to another century.

Sometimes in dreams, my dead mother comes to visit. Sometimes she is with my grandmother. It is always a tearful reunion, they can never stay long. And here I was, willingly crawling underground, still very much alive.

But like a changeling child, the little black fox kept beseeching me with his milk blue eyes and small whine, begging me to come to him into the
cruachan, but I was afraid of his fleas, and imagined diseases. 

I thought of rabies and of the bubonic plague, the black death that killed many millions during the Middle Ages, they knew rats were somehow involved, they never dreamed it was the fleas. 

I thought too of my grandmother's stories of the OweynagCat, the cave of the great Irish three-headed saber cat, in which case, I was right in the middle of some seriously dark Otherworld sidhe mojo, as Samhain was the feast night of the Great Cat. And this was Beltaine, the beginning of Hafgan's realm, the Annwn Welsh lord of summer. A time of stolen children and horses. At least I had enough sense to leave the rowan and whitehtorn unplucked.

But the young pup cowered and whimpered, wanting creature comfort. I realized that he was as lost and out of his element as I was, so I crawled into the burrow to comfort him. He gladly crept into my arms, licked my face and throat. Initiation by saliva. He whimpered with recognition and squirmed with joy. Who was this little fellow and why was he abandoned on the metaphorical mean streets of an underground city?

I realized that his unkempt appearance was not because of mange or disease, though I still feared his fleas, but because he was a puppy, not a fox, and that there were others of his kind, hiding in the alleys and back streets. He was a sentinel scout for his brothers. The litter came bounding forth, surrounding me with their joyous puppy energy.

I was gathering them in, comforting them, when I sensed another darker presence on my right, and I was looking into the ominous yellow eyes, not of a fox, but a wary long-haired dog, a dog unlike anything I'd ever seen. Surely not an Alsatian or a German shepherd guarding the gates of hell.

The dog's ink dark coat was longer, thicker, no distinctive saddle markings. Her head was narrower, her ears bigger, her snout longer. Perhaps she was a half-breed. No Cerebus, but there was something unkempt and uncivilized about her that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I realized I was looking right into the eyes of a wild wolf mother and I was in her den. In her territory. I froze and we eyed it off. I backed away slowly, but the pups would have none of it. They bounded in my arms, pounced on me, pulled at the tie that held back my waist long hair with their milk teeth, and paraded it forth until I was bound up in a veiled tangle of my own hair, I was a
selkie caught fast in the fisherman's net.

The mother wolf backed off her stance, lifted a front paw slightly, and sat, as if to acknowledge that I meant her babies no harm, and then she stiffly, or formally approached. I offered my curled right hand, palm down, for her to sniff. The tension crackled like static electricity.

I willed myself into calmness and looked down at the ground, not daring to make eye contact as I knew that would be perceived as a threat. My throat exposed, my hand, soft in supplication, I had to will the fear from my body and just be there, in timeless suspension. I focused on my breath. When I felt her cold nose on my hand, I knew that the danger was past and that I would live to see another day.

The
loba returned to her young, sat down, with a ribbon of tongue lolling out, she began the endless task of bathing them, taking in their sour milk-odor, as they settled in for a long suckle. I retreated from their burrow and with that, I awoke to the heavy downpour of rain on the first day of May. 


So much for bathing in the May morning dew.

Was it May Day, or maybe mayday but then I realized that I was true dreaming, that I had indeed traveled to another place and time. It was a dextrous right-handed dream, and in that moment I realized that in the face of death, the fear is something I make daily, of my own choosing.

And in that moment I realized also that the reason why my mother and grandmother were hovering in the wings of my dreams, was that they had come, not for me, but for their remaining daughters and sisters, my aunts—where the cancer blossoms inside them like a black rose.



I awoke to the urgent ringing of the phone—on the answering machine was the dark news no one wants to hear. The ravening wolf.


YouTube of Oweynagat, a journey into mother earth: still images of the entrance to the Otherworld, by Mike Croghan, with music by Afto Celt Sound System.

END of Poetry Month



Argh! Got up early and tried to revise three poems that wouldn't jell. I'm racing against time, my mind turns into an old shoe sans tongue, but with plenty of eyes, like a blue-eyed clam (they have 32 eyelets) and we all know how poetic clams are in the morning before coffee. 

Neil comes in, a broken axle changes the shape of my morning to that of  chauffeur, taxi and loaner car. Meanwhile I find the noon deadline is now EST, not Left Coast time. Bogus. Maybe I should hang myself with my shoelaces.  So much for trying to finish the other six poems abandoned before they were written. I bitchslap the three troublesome ones into some semblance of shape and post them on the blog. But it seems everyone else is doing the same, it takes me an hour to post three poems.

At least Writers' Digest could've given us a heads up on the East Coast timing of that one. Three whole hours, precious time I was counting on. Driving back from the mechanic's I realize my Leaving Las Vegas penknife  poem should be written as an ode... It flows right out, an easy birth, too bad I can't post it. I'm way past deadline.


Then, the embroglio begins over whether posting our poems on Writers' Digest constitutes as being "published." People panic and begin pulling their poems from the site. I left mine, stet. 

The way I figure it, is that the poems mine to do with what I want, whether or not they're published on the Writers' Digest site, as a workshop process, is moot. They're not published, Writers' Digest is not going to give us tear sheets or street credit saying we're all now published in Writers' Digest. There was no editor involved in the selection of poems. Anybody could post anything they wanted, warts and all. It's certainly not going to appear on our resumes or in Poets & Writers as a publishing credit, so, ergo, we're not published. What nonsense, I thought.

Then I began to realize the whole internet posting thing is a huge issue. Does publishing work in my blog constitute self publishing? Have I stolen my own first publishing rights by posting on the internet? I don't consider it so. I consider my blog as an open writer's notebook, pieces in progress, some destined to be published, but most are not. 

I can't see what needs fixing until I see it in formal print. Word docs just don't do it. Maybe it's the angst of knowing that there is a potential audience out there that makes me pay attention to my language usage and typos, my God, there are typos, no matter how carefully I reread these pieces. 

I consider my blog my journal, having eschewed pen and paper. After the car accident, I fell out of the journaling habit. It was just too hard to write, to hold the pen. PTS left my hands shaking with tremors. 

Publishing my work as a blog means there's also a bit of a self-censor involved in that there is a potential audience out there who MIGHT one day read this drivel. But hey, at least it keeps me writing. And laziness coupled with a profound lack of time, erodes all best intentions to write daily. It's also about convenience, wherever I go I can log on (provided that I can get wifi) and continue to work on any given story or memoir—and the indexing process is handy as well. It's a tool.

I consider the blog a transparency of writing available for others to see and give feedback, a large workshop as it were. But with millions of blogs out there, who reads any of this anyway? Chances are slim. Second to none. No one. Well, maybe a handful of people somewhere with time on their hands.

With all this opportunity to publish on the internet, we're ultimately facing the demise of the written word. Or at least the well-crafted word. Everything is reduced down to Twitter bytes of 140 characters or less. We now have the attention span of gnats. Who's going to remember what we've posted?