THINGS TO DO WHILE DRIVING TO WORK, LATE

Things to do while driving to work, late.
Leave for work five minutes late

because you just couldn't quite get it together

and you dithered your morning ablutions.
Try to balance 2 cups of tea in one hand 

while downshifting around curves 

more dangerous than Marilyn Monroe's.

Pretend to obey the speed limit 

but as soon as the coast is clear, 

figure out if your toes really will reach 

all the way down to the engine block.

Take a quick peek in your rearview mirror, 

there are still sleep wrinkles on your cheeks.

Notice how you forgot to put on makeup 

and this time you really do need it.
Stare at the crows feet developing under your eyes 

and wonder if a whole flock of birds

descended during the night, looking for corn.

Talk about a murder of crows. 

It looks like they murdered more than sleep.
And they mistook your eyes for chocolate chips. 

Put on makeup while driving like a demon from hell 

and hope that you don't wind up there yourself

for driving while putting on makeup. 

The eyeliner's the hardest maneuver of all.

Try to rearrange the floor of your truck, 

put the audio tapes in alphabetical order, 

and sing along to Leonard Cohen's gravelly voice, 

daydreaming about your neighbors cat.
Notice that you have cat hair all over you,

and you're already five minutes behind.

You move the late clock up by three whole minutes 

gaining time by speeding down narrow backroads,

shaving inside & outside curves with reckless abandon.

But then, an unscheduled tractor robbed you blind,

it took back all the time you gained. And then some. 

You floored it on a straight stretch of road,

overtaking him as if he were standing still.

Then you slid into the parking lot, spraying gravel, 

breathless, you made a run for it.

But the door' was locked, no one there to let you in. 

The school, empty. Then you came to find out, 

it's Saturday. The empty lot should've given it away.

Go home. Go back to bed. Don't tell a soul.

March 25, 1995

rev. slightly 16/11/2015