Monday, April 15, 1985

Poems for Peace

More than Words CPITS NEWSLETTER
CALIFORNIA POETS IN THE SCHOOLS
An Affiliate of the Poetry Center

Poems for Peace
by Maureen Hurley

"Teach the children about the cycles, the life cycles - ail the other cycles. That's what it's all about..."
—Gary Snyder

I walked into a fifth grade class to teach a poetry workshop and while we were reading poems and discussing poetics, I glanced down at my hand resting on the morning newspaper headlines which shouted in three inch superbold type: "U.S. INVADES LEBANON". Stunned, I stopped what I was saying mid-sentence and asked the students what they thought.

One student wrote, "any step toward war/ is a wrong step." I was dumbstruck by her political and poetic awareness. Soon, the whole class was writing their own poems of protest. This germinal seed sprouted when I read the late poet and visionary, Kenneth Patchen's What Shall We Do Without Us, published by Yollo Bolly Press and reissued by Sierra Club in October of 1984.

Using Patchen's Poem-Paintings as a role model, several poetry recipes developed during my 1984-85 California Arts Council Artists-in-Schools residency at Mark West Union School District (K - Sixth Grade} in Santa Rosa. Students, using both visual and verbal forms of communication, wrote poems of protest, environmental and ecology poems, self portraits, world political portraits and love poems — all with the focus of describing something with multiple perspectives.

I told them about Hyde Park, London, where people stand on real soapboxes to tell the gathered crowd anything they want. I told the students that this was their chance to get up on their soapboxes and tell the world what they were thinking: both inner feelings and how they felt about their environment.

What resulted was a series of posters, Poems for Peace and cards which reached more than the traditional poetry reading audiences. Because they were visually accessable, more people read them and the general comment was of suprise that kids had such deep feelings about these things. Once I had to interview children after the movie "The Day After" was aired. Most kids assumed that they weren't ever going to reach adulthood. One hird grader said, "I'll never reach 21. Why should I think of what I'm going to be
when I grow up?" and walked slowly across the playground.

I remember it was a foggy day and suddenly I was sobbing, not for fear of impending nuclear disaster, but for the children — how they feel inside and no one's asking them to voice their opinion.

Katherine Harer, a former CPITS Executive Director, once quoted a poem that gripped me. Written by a fifth grader, it gowentes something like this: NUCLEAR NIGHTMARE./ Once I was afraid of the dark/ now I'm afraid of the light.

In What Shall We Do Without Us?, Patchen's work in a large 8 x 10" full color format, incorporates both visual and verbal elements, but most importantly, it inspires a direction for poetry in post-nuclear literature. The poet, Carolyn Forché, maintains that anything written after the dropping of the bomb is post-nuclear literature. 

Robert Hass said, "You can write a poem about flowers, and have no mention of nuclear war in it, but if you've taken the meaning of nuclear war into yourself, you can write about flowers and you don't have to mention nuclear war. Monet did those water lily paintings as a solution to World War I." The students took the issues into themselves and what blossomed were stunning poem paintings Patchen would have felt an immediate kinship to.

Patchen wrote, "Peace now to all men/ or amen to all things." He wasn't taking the threat lying down. His accusatory poems address the utter foolishness of harboring the idea of nuclear war as a viable means of achieving world peace. He stated, "You can't separate America from the world./ We are all one, and we are all guilty."

Sixth grader Rene King wrote on her self portrait: "Recognize life/ and the way we live it/ freely/ without the everyday fear/ of not being able/ to see the sun/ shining brilliantly.

For me as a visual artist who became a poet, taking poetry to its next logical step was to incorporate visual images, making the writing a part of the visual impact. Picture poems. Both the written word and the image carried the message. Doing this was, in a sense, to heal the modern world by going back to the source, back to picture-grams, the beginnings of language.

Take Matt Kondratieff, a fifth grader's poem:

HOW DID WE GET THIS FAR?

A bluebird at a faucet
waiting for a drop of water.
How did we get this far?
A grebe washed up on the shore.
Oil smothered on its once-beautiful feathers.
How did we get this far?
The super power nations
tearing the world apart.
How did we get this far?

—Matt Kondratieff

Matt offers us no easy solutions. But his poster with its brilliant red background of a mushroom cloud leaves little room for doubt that something went wrong somewhere in the process of becoming civilized.

Albert Einstein who said, "My gift for creativity has meant more to me than my capacity for absorbing knowledge," also said, "To prepare simultaneously for war and peace is a non-sequitur." From the creative impulses also stem the seeds of destruction, that terrible beauty in the far reaching implications of a mathematical equation, E=MC2. How did we get this far?

EAT AT JOE'S

I was tired of living.
Now, I'm afraid to die.
We will be gone in a flash.

—Louis Mattei, fifth grade

Some of the connections also discussed in class were the interrelatedness of everything. Every time a species becomes extinct, we lose something immeasurable. The Quagga, a horse-like zebra and the carrier pigeon were hunted to extinction because they were plentiful. The sheer numbers of animal and plant life that have become extinct in the past 200 years is positively staggering.

Dammed rivers, no more wild fish—only hatchery-bred salmon—what are we doing to the gene pool? The California condor is down to less than ten birds. What one of my students said, "Connections/ of all the smallest things/ may be important/ someday," has yet to bear its awful harvest. Acid rain, lumber industries, pulp mills and the destruction of the forests and soil—the paper we write on, everything is connected to everything.

With Patchen's work, it is hard to separate the painting from the poem—which came first? His poetry is paradoxical, mixes religion and politics, focuses on the social as well as the poetic. Dubbed "Title Poems" by his editor, James Laughlin, his poems are like long titles, intuitive lines. Patchen didn't consider himself to be a painter. He thought of himself as "someone who used the medium of painting in an attempt to give an extra dimension to the medium of words.

Some people are visual learners, others learn verbally. Patchen's work appeals to both the visually and verbally oriented students. Kids love to read his work. That his haiku-like messages are paradoxical in nature gives it an added zing. I asked my students what they thought when he wrote, "Snow is the only one of us that leaves no tracks." This led to a discussion of man and the environment. For every action there is a reaction. Even the wind leaves tracks across the snow.

Everyman is me, I am his brother.
No man is my enemy.
I am everyman
and he is in and of me.
This is my faith, my strength, 
my deepest hope, 
and my only belief.

     —Kenneth Patchen

After the Dark Ages, the first plays written in English, the Everyman allegories, were used to teach the populace correct morals and behavior. Patchen uses the idea of Everyman to carry his message. Take "Concerns of the Heart./ Feeling, I must remind you, is the poet's sign…" I asked my students, what is the poet's sign, the poet's role? What does a poet do? Describe? Why?

Why do we need poets? As the good doctor, William Carlos Williams, said, "It is difficult getting the news from poetry but men die everyday from lack of what is found there." The children affirmed that poets were important because they were the eyes and the feelings of the world. Cycles. Life on this fragile planet. We talked about our feelings, the tracks men leave on this planet, the impact of civilization. I asked, "Is all civilization bad?" What leaves no tracks besides snow? Is it bad to leave tracks? Why? When Patchen said:

"Peace to all men/ or amen to all things," what do you think he meant? 

If you could change the world in some way, what would you change? "Remember this though," I tell my students, "without light there would be no darkness; without darkness there would be no light."

Robert Aitken, poet and Roshi, in his book of translations, Zen Wave—Basho's Haiku and Zen, expands this idea. "In Christianity, darkness denotes sin and error, but for the poet and the student of religion in Asia, darkness is an organic metaphor of the undifferentiated absolute, while light is the experience of the immediate phenomenal world... It is the light within the darkness, darkness within the light; it is just the dark-nist,"iust the light; it is darkness as the If there is a next time, the roles will be reversed; the Dark Ages will result from an excess of light. Aitken's translation of a haiku attributed to Basho takes on a new meaning:

For one who says,
"I am tired of children,"
There are no flowers.

These poems for peace written to us by the children are our flowers come full circle. Perhaps they'll seed in the garden.

SONG OF THE BLUEBIRD

The song of the bluebird
to the explosion of the bomb --
darkness is eternal, light is fleeting.
Should we change the treatment of animals?
Thank the cat by the fire
for keeping us warm at night.
Connections
of all the smallest things
may be important someday.

     —Andrea Baughan, fifth grade

Press Democrat interview: Music, art, poetry

TANGERINES

TANGERINES
                  —After Lorca
                    for Bob Hass

1. While you told me what was wrong with me
I watched TV. What I could have said, you said for me.
Because of your style for building circumstantial evidence 
into a tight case, a lawyer would have trouble searching 
for loopholes. Reminiscent of an eye for an eye, 
any game is best played when both players know the rules. 

2. She said all the tangerines in the world 
won't shed any more light on the subject
& slipped into the night because the moon's
face in the pond was hers. 
He noticed how like the frost his breath was. 
The odor of tangerines in a cold room
 made him more humble.

3. I direct my thoughts to the mountains 
where rock altars are hidden among the trees. 
I direct my thoughts to the mountain with its collar 
of early morning fog warmed by the sun.
I direct my thoughts to that place in childhood 
where god lives in the leaves of the bay tree, 
the oak, the grasses and rock.

4. Long shadows. 
Slabs of rock pointing like autumnal sundials. 
After the leaves turn color, they're cast off. 
A quick flamboyant burst. 
Shadows tend toward blue and orange. 
Chainsaw stacking of days. 
How like the body of a woman is the madrone in fall. 
Then, there are the trees which never lose their leaves. 
Oak, pine, & bay dress the hills. 
Shadows of trees keep the sun 
from the hoarfrost buckled earth. 
Harvest fills the storage shed.  

5. I say to myself, you musn't let obligations and responsibilities stack up. And then, because I'm afraid to answer the phone, I let it ring and ring. Invent excuses. Or, why you're late—small lies. When there's a valid delay, no one wants to hear them. 

6. The escalator where the dragon lived kept its teeth sharpened on lost children. I was afraid to step over the stairs. When I was lost, I thought you were hidden behind the next row of clothes. Mommy, I parted their wooly depths, their dark secrets closed around me until I struggled for air but you never came back. Endless. Row after row of coats and hangers making ghostly metallic judgements. Crying seemed the best solution. Often, I'd retrace my steps but I was afraid to step over the cracks. Now, every act is an archetypal betrayal. When I choke and scream in the night, no one comes. 

7. There is a point before tears, 
when fear warms the cheeks 
and the chin grows numb. 
Breathing is labored and shallow. 
Time, between each moment, 
takes infinite pauses. Video replay. 
The blood rushes in my ears 
like high tide, and she comes, 
smiling, laughing; all mother. 
The camera fades.

8. The odor of tangerines 
makes me feel humble 
in the cold room 
because the odor 
of tangerines is humble. 
Cold room the color 
of tangerines 
and she is eating. 

9. Lenador, this is the song of the dry orange, 
round and beautiful as the sun 
who wanted to be like the other oranges
who couldn't sing. Come to the fire.
Stay as you are. Stay the child.

10 a. So what if I did eat it? I
t was there for the taking.
Who's asking you anyway?
Who are you? 

10 b. Divorce her. Move forward. Marry her. 
Do you want to spend the next year in translation? 
Settle down into yourself and take root. 
It will not chain you down like marriage or divorce

11. We slip into the night. The frozen air breathes halos around the moon.
Hidden in the leaves, the odor of tangerines. This has nothing to do with tangerines or songs of dry oranges. Our faces reflected in the pond makes us humble enough if we take the time to look. How, like our breath, they are shedding light.

 Spring 1985
Falkirk Cultural center, San Rafael/Napa
I salvaged this from SimpleText—lots of ascii. No idea what the line breaks were.

Monday, March 25, 1985

JAMES WRIGHT'S DEATH

ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF JAMES WRIGHT'S DEATH

On the night stand, a postcard of Maui
from John Logan who wrote of Merwin's place—
how the angle of ceiling to sea cliff
affects the colors of sky and cloud
like pulverized shells of robin's eggs.

What I remember of that beach was not
the twinned hands of sea and sky or robin's eggs,
but the bright multiple wounds of tiny flowers
and cardinals against the shadowed depths of jungle.

On the anniversary of James Wright's death,
he said they burned incense in the dojo,
Buddha's belly glowed red,
& the geckos; careless parents—
left their eggs on the lanai, in the kitchen,
on the ceiling of the zendo, where I swept them up—
imperfect eyes of the sun.

3/25/1985
rev. 1989

1989 Chaminade Literary Review 

Sunday, March 24, 1985

Journal entry, The anniversary of James Wright’s death

Last night I was in San Francisco staying in Gene Ruggles’ guest bedroom. I slept in the room reserved for John Logan, and I read a postcard poem of Maui and his visit to WS Merwin‘s place. He wrote how the angle of ceiling to cliff affected the color of the sky. 

Today is the anniversary of James Wright’s death. And I haven’t written a poem in ages. All these lines are bouncing and now I’m imagining that I’m sitting in Albion where I saw the water snake swimming along the bottom of the ditch full of standing water. I had never seen a snake slide along the bottom of water before. He poked his head tiny head up for a breath, looking like a stick with a tiny forked tongue flittering, testing the breeze.

And Leonard Cirino told me how the pygmy forest soil doesn’t perk water so Leonard‘s house was red tagged last summer. The well made everyone sick. Now the new pump delivers water to the heart of the house. But the ground holds water, it can’t shake the memory of  marine terraces. It dreams of the ocean pounding along its shore instead the soft winds and irregular tides rustling through the cypress needles and the ground sighs with the faint color of bleached bones fallen from the ancient trees.

Found on a scrap of paper, undated, later coerced into a poem on 3/25/85. So I’ll post it there for now.

Friday, March 15, 1985

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTIONS, AFTER NERUDA


Why is it so difficult
 to fit an elephant under your desk?
Why is there lightning first, 
when thunder sound so dark?
Why do leaves grow upward 
when gravity keeps us in check?
Why do pencil stay slim 
when somebody shouts insanities?
Should we use paper for houses, 
when glass is hard to write on?
Are we really here 
when Gertrude Stein said there is no there there?
What you come out tonight like teeth in the jar?
Why didn't the three blind mice come home 
when the three Wiseman went stargazing?
Why does September begin the shellfish season 
when shellfish, who aren't fish, 
can't turn the pages of a calendar?
How can you listen to the tundra tumbling in summer 
when the ears of the desert are frozen shut?

March 1985 
Mrs. Milia's class 
Mark West School
added 2/18

Friday, February 22, 1985

DARK SHORE

DARK SHORE
—from Matisse's Goldfish
—for Roger Kent

Philodendron, hibiscus,
and a lemon geranium jungle
explode on a tropical sunrise
against the pink wall.
Four bored tangerine-colored fish
in a round tank mouth food
and spit it out again
where it settles on pale green rocks;
a luminous fog on the pink table
near the rattan chair
filled with blue shadows.

In the black & white tiled hall
of the colonial mansion
we stir baskets of fragrant maile leaves.
The basement elevator shaft
belches decay into the hall.
The wheezing lift
and Roger's emphysemic breathing
keep time as he shuffles to the bedroom
for his late afternoon nap.

Thin-ribbed philodendron vines climb
to the tall ceiling, piscine leaves
fan delicate membranes,
slow dancers feeding on air.
The hissing oxygen tanks
reflect fiery hibiscus fish;
the small pebbles of their eyes
along a dark shore make no sound
against the barely discernible rise
and fall of sheets.

2/22/1985
rev. 6/85
after a CPITS class with Duane BigEagle

LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON

LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON

All back in breast, your mouth,
my mind semicolon slow velvet clouds,
sweet, almost painfully tender,
like two people in the same dream.
Our arms encircled the ground—
Shaken from the herd,
pine needles shudder in summer wind.
There's that moment between dreaming and waking
where time and consciousness don't exist.
Like the hearts of twin doves,
my breasts drift into a pulsing slumber
against your back—
what better place to rest?

2/22/1985
after a CPITS class with Duane BigEagle





LOVE IS LIKE, —after Breton

LOVE IS LIKE
                        —after Breton
           
My love is like a blue gardenia-scented night,
or a lone tree first seen by sailors too long at sea,
where there is no time for crowded lamps
or stars in the darkness.
My love is like a candle burning
at both ends of the church
where the darkness ends like the pavement.
My love nails the graveyard of a smile to the earth
when he is angry; cataracts skyrocket across
the liquid corridors of the Nile
and lemon sphynxes drift unheeded
inducing the dunes to mate with rocks
and with dopplered sound.
By the execution of desire, vain fruit ripens
because my love is a phantom mirror
to reflect stray music.

2/22/1985
after Duane BigEagle's CPITS class

 


RIDERS IN THE JUNGLE

RIDERS IN THE JUNGLE
  — after a painting by Gauguin, The White Horse 

By the stream of white irises,
a green bird watches a riderless white horse 
thrust his nose into the indigo water.
Splinters of sunlight flash up 
like slim birds from a fresh-cut orange. 
The man on the roan horse looks over his shoulder 
thinking he heard something fall into the water.
His friend strokes his horse's brown neck
and both horses paw grass tufts into the water
uncertain of what lies ahead.  

 2/22/85
after a CPITS class with Duane BigEagle

see Savage Dream
The White Horse

first draft


The man on the roan horse 

looks over his shoulder 
thinking he heard something 
fall into the water.
By the stream of white irises 
a green bird watches 
a riderless white horse 
thrust his nose 
into the indigo water. 
Splinters of sunlight 
flash up like slim birds 
from a fresh-cut orange. 
He strokes his horse's brown neck 
as it paws the water, uncertain 
of what lies ahead.  

 2/22/1985


Thursday, February 14, 1985

BLAME IT ON THE MOON

BLAME IT ON THE MOON

During the full moon,
my birds flock to your chest
and turn into the moon's silken young—
they alight, and slide down to where
you've furrowed and tended the earth
between us and we discover 
glistening stars in the tilled darkness.

2/1985 these small poems are hard to date, as I tended to fiddle with them as I was honing my sullied craft. This calligraphed ditty is an earlier draft, probably written in a CPITS workshop


Friday, February 1, 1985

Measuring the Fall


MEASURING THE FALL



Time is like a full river standing still, going forward and backward into black oceans. Friendless ripple on the muddy pond like in the southern hemisphere where the water is upside down and the sky has fish. This river that flows past our houses leapt the dream of its banks last night. Flotsam. Jetsam. White horses after rain, wings lift off from the backs of clouds as if the race to learn how to fall as gracefully as rain were a thing learned, instead of listening at the back door for the subterranian red depths of a lone heart beating during the storm. The river covers the fields, vineyards, the tops of trees with wild abandon, and branches take root in the brown passion of it all because the flood comes before the spring tide; we can canoe over the watery roofs of orchards, and watch for rouge-tounged eddies swirling in the treetops. The past is never quite finished with us. This river measures those without fault, and those without design; this time you appear on my doorstep like an apparition, the slender seducer, the rain, flooding the way home. To fall again on the bed with you is not a waste of time but another reckoning, another beginning from where we left off.


2/1985




ARTLESS SONG


At sunrise, the winter stalks
shed the silken wraps left by the moon.
From behind flannel sheets I sing
an artless song of the night.
The houseboards crack and groan
as the gas heater hisses.
The quail scuff the oak leaves
looking for grubs and seeds.
The day-spider tugs at her webs
and the worm disappears, as if in a dream.
Already, the sounds of the highway
enter this room like a waterfall.
The pale sky holds signs of a deeper hue.

2/1985
added 11/16

The White Horse (the savage dream/riders in the jungle) no efile

no efile






RIDERS IN THE JUNGLE    
after a painting by Gauguin,
The White Horse  

By the stream of white irises,
a green bird watches a riderless white horse
thrust his nose into the indigo water.
Splinters of sunlight flash up 
(like slim birds from a fresh-cut orange.
The man on the roan horse 
looks over his shoulder 
thinking he heard something fall into the water. 
His friend strokes his horse's brown neck 
and both horses paw grass tufts into the water.
uncertain of what lies ahead.             

2/85

See The Savage Dream  filed as 2/1989; it may be older

don't know the date of expanded version, below. It was in my 1989 folder, but that's when I filed Savage Dream.




Tuesday, January 1, 1985

DEAR READER:


DEAR READER:

Forgive the news
for all those old sorrows
of the world
rubbed across the page
like tired cheeks
of children who
won't go down into the mines
anymore to be flogged
by yesterday's newspaper.

1/85

Blue morning glory (garbled text)




Blue morning glory 
against the sky, whale stars 
Julie dreams, Hola cuervos!
We pass the thin cows 
and talk of tequila and cordón cactus 
and blue whale blossoms               xxxx
hanging clusters like anenomes of the sea 
I was way low not sure 
something looks like blue vultures 
standing as dead as roadkill 
to see a cardinal in this desert 
is like riding a red blooming from opuntia
but this flower flies from bush to bush 
an odd ritual of spring on the wing 
and trees in full bloom.

December 2, 1985


Two poets of the vineyards awards

 No date. I still need to look up what poems.





ON OUT


ON OUT

What is better: fucking on the river rocks
in the hot sun or minutely examining
the wanderings of dung beetles
for some revelatory cipher or glyph?
After photocopying Lew's book I wrote:

To Whom it May (or May Not) Concern:
This illegal version of On Out
was photocopied during work hours
on their machine when no one was looking.
I got the original from Geoff
who got it from Chuck (Charlene) Sutton
who was, at the time seeing Grover Sales
to  whom the bok is signed—

For Grover—

If you can't  kill  it,
shoot it."
        Lew       8/19/66

who was seeing another woman
whose room mate was seeing Geoff's brother
(I think) and Geoff who is seeing me still
so I can't steal the original yet.

This thief hopes that Lew, wherever he may be
will appreciate the spirit in which this book
(and everyone else) was taken.

The steelhead rest by the banks of the Salmon River.
You thrust your hand in and  grapple;
they explode with a flash of rainbow.
The fish no longer return. Do you remember
how the fish slipped up the rapids
with a motion almost quicker than the eye?

Tonight I thought of  Satie,
who ate only what was white.
White sugar, cauliflower, wine.
An abandoned grape arbor shades
the once-tiled floor
of what we called
Lew's cabin.

I still see you
along the river, green as cat's eyes.
Strangers appear frozen on film
but we all recognize ourselves in the mirror.
The fact is that we lie.
We hold each other up
Like mirrors and Lew
walking off into the forest.
Things are not what they seem.

date?
this becomes Zenia
85?

OUT TAKES


OUT TAKES

Archers hunt for inkstained fingers
An old grandmother quilt, a rag doll
A tidal bore rushes through narrow tunnels
I am filled with a sudden chill.
1985   date?

Short Poems 1985


DEAR READER:

Forgive the news
for all those old sorrows
of the world
rubbed across the page
like tired cheeks
of children who
won't go down into the mines
anymore to be flogged
by yesterday's newspaper.

1/85


DELUGE


Just as I was beginning to forget,
you arrived at my doorstep
and music burst from your eyes
even before I could hear the wings of Icarus
whisper danger from the sun.
Broken wheels in the desert are as useless
as the arms of a saguaro's embrace.
The yucca-pale dreams brought a deluge of rain
and I am drifting in the lake of your eye
once more.

5/1984

 LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON

All back in breast, your mouth,
my mind semicolon slow velvet clouds,
sweet, almost painfully tender,
like two people in the same dream.
Our arms encircled the ground—
Shaken from the herd,
pine needles shudder in summer wind.
There's that moment between dreaming and waking
where time and consciousness don't exist.
Like the hearts of twin doves,
my breasts drift into a pulsing slumber
against your back—
what better place to rest?

2/1985




LOVE IS LIKE
                        —after Breton
          
My love is like a blue gardenia-scented night,
or a lone tree first seen by sailors too long at sea,
where there is no time for crowded lamps
or stars in the darkness.
My love is like a candle burning
at both ends of the church
where the darkness ends like the pavement.
My love nails the graveyard of a smile to the earth
when he is angry; cataracts skyrocket across
the liquid corridors of the Nile
and lemon sphynxes drift unheeded
inducing the dunes to mate with rocks
and with dopplered sound.
By the execution of desire, vain fruit ripens
because my love is a phantom mirror
to reflect stray music.

2/85



OUT TAKES

Archers hunt for inkstained fingers
An old grandmother quilt, a rag doll
A tidal bore rushes through narrow tunnels
I am filled with a sudden chill.

1985


Sunday, December 30, 1984

December 30, Dillon Beach; drawings (art)



Two cows weaving in the dunes at sunset, leave fine white crescents in the sharp sand. I gather crushed shells, sand dollars, and paper thin orange scallops. On the leeward side of a rock, a woman dandles a child.

Two girls run along the tops of the dunes, their screaming is like seagulls. Wind snatches a song from their mouths and pushes it back a hundred yards until they sound like they're coming from behind themselves, laughing so carelessly as if time itself stood still when the wind blew, and in that moment, an eternity. 

I survey this world of ageless youth, the same world as ours, but first it comes from the thighs, that inexorable gentle tug of the earth burdening me downwards with its weight, reminding me of my beginning and my end,

The slow tug of gravity, this slow death suckling on the toes, ankles, thighs. A clay chill carrying future memory. But I begin to run, to leap away from the quicksand time, I lift my feet off the earth, pump the blood. It keep my womb warm and ready. I'm not done yet. 

Geoff is on some warm shore. I dreamt of him last night. Donna said he sure showed a lot of pictures of me, but what about the one who had one almost ready for the oven? I said who? A dune slipped out from under my feet. 

I fell into the Roman baths at Bath. Warm water weighting me down. Rich suckle on my sheepskin vest I swim toward the edge, arms heavy with wet clothes, and I followed him with my eyes as he walked away with the group. 

He doesn't see me, though I call out to him, the wind pushes my voice a few yards back, and I realize I'm either a few days forward or a few days backward in another time. But dreams are like that.  

I'm looking at a movie or is he the one walking into my celluloid color dream splashing against the far wall?

Along the beach two spaniels run with their mirror image companions in an upside down world, until a wave breaks that image. Their barks are like pinpricks in the fluctuating surf. They trot in tandem, at play with the waves.

A couple strolling along the sand stop at a sand figure of a person reclining. The woman disengages herself from his clasp and goes back to the figure and stomps fully on the chest. I guess the boobs offended her. They are both wearing white sweaters. So out of place here. The sand woman has long hair made of seaweed and there is only the sound of the ocean.

Four men huddle between the bluffs, a blue screen of smoke designates a dimension between the cliffs. Carrying an ice chest and radio, they make to leave. 

Stephen says the game is over. I wonder who won? Further down the beach, the sand assumes a gray velvet look, where an impromptu game of football is in progress. An onlooker, someone's dog barks as if to announce the score. Or perhaps to punctuate a commercial at halftime.

The two spaniels resume their tandem dance with the sea, endlessly combing one section of the shore in a series of relays. 

The woman and her child leave the shelter of the cliff, she is carrying a bright red and orange plastic pail with a blue shovel. The child is bundled in florescent colors like the bucket. The navy blue of the woman's coat is like a black shadow trying to absorb all that unnatural color in all this gray sky.

The spaniels halfheartedly greet each group of people passing their sector of the beach, they're on a search for something familiar. As the groups leave, they resume their endless trotting and easy lope along the shore, and run parallel with the surf. 

Deeper into the dunes. the cows are grazing on saltgrass. I am reminded of the salt sheep of Camargue, an unexpected hunger arises. The wind erases their tracks in the sand. A jackrabbit exercises his options at dusk along a stretch between two dunes.

This soft sandbanks carved from the last storm, are impossible to climb. Donna's niece, Michelle, makes it to the top, but my weight crumbles the edge of it. My hands reach the top, but I am unable to ascend the bank, it is like a bad dream of pursuit and fear. Further down, a gully presents itself and I climb up. The sand is firmer more dense the inexorable weight of gravity less, age backs off a few years.


I think I have a bit more time to wait for Geoff.

The endless breathing of the sea, wave upon wave, like the sound of someone sleeping in the same room. As they shift into a deeper sleep, how it calms one and makes one sleepy too.

A wedge of shore shifts the mirrored weight of the spaniels as they gallops across the wet sand. The pressure of their weight pushes, and drives the water from the sand like a sponge wrung dry. 

No one disturbs the sandcastle, each one carefully walks around it. 

And when I write, time is suspended—the ocean, Stephan on the rock above me, the laughter of women, the football game, the incessant bark of the black lab—all this becomes timeless. If only I could suspend that moment and enter that world of half thoughts, and record it. 

It doesn't matter what I write as long as I try and define it with words, what I see and hear in the active definition. I am painting, honing my craft. Every experiment with sound and image is cumulative. 

I am preparing for the right moment. I don't know when it will come. I don't know what I'm preparing for. Like what Lee said, a startling enemy will appear. and you will both know what to do.

A synapse of mind, suddenly I'm jerked painfully back into time by some tangible form. My mind buzzes like a stretched rubber band, and I'm disturbed because I prefer the meltingly lost places of ceased time. 

But though I spend large sums of time in reality, and in that other world—the place between worlds—that fraction of a moment when the mind buzzes, hovering somewhere between the real world and the world of daydreaming. 

The spaniels have moved to another section of the beach. I am ready to move on, my mind spent, body numb. The sound of the ocean is fully inside my head like a seashell pressed to the ear. 

The spaniels return to the familiar place of the shore. Keep running into the surf. Sniffing the sand as if searching for a lost sense of something familiar, their mirrored shadows, keeping in perfect rhythm.

December 30, Dillon Beach

TWO COWS, DILLON BEACH


Two cows weave trails
through the dunes at sunset,
their hooves leave white crescents 
in the sharp sand and crushed shells.
I collect treasure: sand dollars the size of pearls,
rock oysters, and papery orange scallops.
By the lee of a rock, a woman cradles her child.
Two girls racing along the tops of the dunes
scream with laughter, so like a gull's. 
Wind snatches a song from their mouths 
and pushes it downstream until it sounds 
as if they're running behind themselves 
& they're laughing as if time itself stood still.
In that frozen moment, the wind 
consumes an eternity of ageless youth. 
I inhabit the same world as theirs, 
but the weight of it begins in the thighs, 
that inexorable gentle tug of gravity,
the earth's burden, that downward thrust, 
reminding me of my beginning 
and my end.

12/30/1984
rev. slightly 11.17.15

Tuesday, December 11, 1984

PERPETUAL MOTION freewrite


In the center of darkness
the red vibration of a rose.
Here, is the center of the universe.
Darkness lies between the crevices of fingers
molecular shadows in red and black
on the coffee table battery-operated toys
and gyrating gimbals churn
a perpetual kinetic dance
until the switch is thrown.
Electricity travels and dark tubes
on impulse the speed of light
across mountains, rivers, cities, continents
not heeding what was said
on a particular afternoon
before the toys stopped their dance.
Someone said there is too perpetual motion,
it's called life. Even in inanimate objects
we just can't see inside them
all those atoms bouncing
and dancing in darkness
inside each atom, a rose,
a template of the universe.

12/11/1984

Monday, December 10, 1984

BANK HOLIDAY, COUNTING BACKWARDS, 2 freewrites


Who said, take the deep
blue stars to the ball?
To get change,
one must carry shells to market,
to market, to buy a fat…
No more dinero. All this jive
the green ink odor
of lettuce on bread
gives me such a funny feeling.
Life, the best teacher,
kills all its pupils.
By the banks of the river
my love and I sat down
and I pulled out my fiddle
to watch the cash flow.
No clams on this muddy bank.
It doesn't know Sunday
from a blue Monday.

12/10/1985


Counting backwards,
I remember the halfway mark
and saying my alphabet bilaterally A2 B4
fish mirrors to catch a falling star
who never kissed the palm of my hand
who never told me how to hold a kiss
all through the night
and to never let go.
Take a fallen eyelash
Make a wish, blow on it
to the farthest fences of the world
to keep the bad dreams at bay.

12/10/1984

Thursday, December 6, 1984

FLOODWATERS


In silence you sit, your eyes,
like floodwater in the bayous
A map of sorrow, in your eyes
and the creatures crawl
out of the swamp at night.

Talking has a way of covering up
all the greens like when
you close your eyes in the sun.
Green, then red flashes across the lids.

All this red talk
like fire in the pineywoods.
Pale smoke rising,
or is it early morning mist?
Bruised water on the gulf
takes a beating after the storm.
Water rises to the doorjambs
of your father's house
and stops there.

Once, you said, your father
went out into a storm
to find the highest ground
upon which to a strong foundations.

Saltspray on the lips,
parched skin turns to brined wood
impervious to fire
Bly says rub a potato across your face
to absorb the salt.
It's hard to keep a shine on old leather.
But potatoes will do.

When you're one step ahead of the law
and one step behind in your head
it's harder yet to keep a shine on leather.

Like Noah, lost at sea,
all I ever wanted to do
was to wait for the storm to end
and to see the shape of the land  reemerge.
But 40 nights is a lot of darkness.
I can smell the floodwater's
metallic dank overture
like the rancid sweat of hands
on a nickel plated brass buckle
clenched in fear.

12/1984 (85?) from a Muriel Ruckeyser lesson on science, by Zara Altair. This was in my 1985 journal but I couldn't have written it with Zara as I was in Baja in Dec of 85.

Monday, December 3, 1984

Journal entry, many moons later

Journal entry, many moons later

So, I'm writing on random blank pages in this notebook. The last time I wrote in it, was in Hawaii. Other than rain damage, there was a reason for this abandonment. There's an open letter to Geoff, and to myself. And to Ed. I know, he's asleep in Hawaii at 6 PM, west coast time, and I thought of him. 

Tonight, after three days of migraines, I had a reading at Garbo's. At first, no one showed up. I took it personally. I felt especially bad for Michael Tuggle and Susan Kennedy who are two fine poets reading with me, but we also started early. The audience grew exponentially. We read sparingly and it was a lovely reading.

Also, most of the regulars were friends who didn't show up. And I thought oh I must be a bad poet, they're not here. It came down to overcommitment, but still, no one showed up. Not Lee, Sarah, Donna, Marianne, Eady & Jim Montrose. No one there. At least the Reverend showed up late.

I get that they've all heard it all before. So much for moral support. Well it could be the time of year as it is December 3 moving into Christmas. But they could've at least shown up for moral support. Lord knows, I've done it for them enough times.

But before me is a whole new audience. People who want to hear me read, a new, fresh audience. Yes. I hate what I've read, I'm going through I'm not a real poet phase. Phobias aside, V Weinberg liked my new Tocaloma poem, something I've never read in public before.

Afterwards, around drinks, we discussed the plight of Welsh coal miners in Pennsylvania. The Reverend Bob Jones is from there. We discussed East - West mysticism and narrative prose. From ego—to being fulfilled. He said I'm laying groundwork in those narrative pieces for novels or whatever. 

We both write long narrative poems, and I think too much. So much of what gets said while deep in the cups, disappears by morning. I can't record it all, but to write every morning, and to read every day, and to party every night... I'll not hold up if I party every night. The Reverend just wants to give it all up and become a writer. I know that obsession.

We talk about agents and networking and going after what we believe in. I say be careful of what you wish for, it becomes true. He said, I'm ready. We talk some more about East - West religions and the role of enlightenment. He says without darkness there wouldn't be light. And I say, in this world there is too much talk and not enough words.

Words are like vessels. The role of the poet is to give new meaning as in original meaning to words in order to shed light. Poetry is religion, I tell him. 

Bob talks about his latest manuscript and how he can't quit preaching because he has two daughters in college. I say, you don't owe them an education. It's nice, but parents don't owe their offspring this. Education's is something one has to desire and strive for. 

I say this because no one helped me, or perhaps it was because I found my own motivation. He's just pushing along, I'm pushing along. We are still writers in spite of it all. Determination factor. 

I comment on his need for closure with his congregation. What they need, he says, is a pastor who won't bore them or frustrate them by pushing them too hard. We are all lazy. Knowledge by blood. Limited by our friends. Can we help that? 

I say go for what you want again and believe in it. He agrees, says I've done it. I say, do it again. Rilke's sonnets to Orpheus, no matter who translates them  are magnificent, because what he writes about is magnificent. How can you go wrong in believing in what you believe in? Bob says, Amen to that!

December 3, 1984

Sunday, December 2, 1984

TODAY'S NEWS


A sunburst of red, yellow & orange
on the fold of pants where ass joins leg
mesmerizes me, it's like a friendly fire.
I drive to the post office, only to find it locked.
20 years ago, Maria Salvio spoke at Sproul Plaza.
Reagan and Gromako cautiously talk 
of improving US-USSR relations.
At least there was no bloodshed, or shoes thrown.
Jerry Brown and Jane Fonda make the news.
Russia think-tanks, fire in the hole.
A Scottish-Polish American soldier, 
Wladyslaw Stanislawski, awarded citizenship 
posthumously, for dying in Vietnam.
But he's already dead, I think to myself.
Berkeley Mayor Gus Newport declares 
Monday as Free Speech Day, I was there,
I didn't know the significance, I was young. 
And Chris Foley, a high school student,
receives microfiche from Russia 
on US classified missile plans.
it's a long chain of events,
today, getting the news. 

12/2/1984
rev. 17/11/15

RRWG reading at the Burbank Activity Center with Maureen Hurley, Mike Tuggle, Susan Kennedy



Saturday, December 1, 1984

Obligatory Hug, Dec. 1984, Russian River Writers' Guild







NIGHT VISION

NIGHT VISION

Caught in my headlights,
eyes of young bucks
not leaving the dead body
of their mother.

12/84

Postcard collage poem to Jim Bird


There is some scientific thought
that rhinoceroses and armadillos are related.
Since last March, African black rhinoceroses
have been contemplated grazing on
on two ranches in Texas.
Rhinos are browsers like the relations,
the zebra and the horse.
They fit in very well in Texas, someone says.
Ecologically, there is little doubt
that rhinos will thrive in Texas.
Texas is perfect, he explained.
How do you move a rhino against his will?
The armadillos have not been consulted.

December, 1984
added, rev. 9/17

CPITS lesson with Zara Altair


Zara Altair said: Write about the first time you knew you were best friends, describe what was happening. What were you feeling. Intuition, understanding it. Emotionally but not logically.

Juan Felipe Hererra talks about community. He says we make up a community, a system. Notes, structure human or otherwise. Think of yourself as a member of this community, who are you? What your job, etc. What is your life function?

Why would a poet use repetition? Make a list of the feelings you have while spending time with a friend, make both a real list and also make an imaginary list.

"A poem is of necessary length." Imagination/dreams. What is an image? A dream? Dream poems have clues in them. They can help you to solve problems. Ask what's next?

Zara Altair brought out a ceramic sculpture by Michael González. She said: we have to mine our own images from art. Look at the sculpture: what dreams, or common images come to mind? Let Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird be your guide—with multiple takes. Artists are magicians, they make something out of nothing.

If you get stuck, lead the imagination use the nonsensical questioning process from Rose, Where did you get that Red? this is what yesterday's volcano looks like and then I rode in on silence, your eyes are like water, so biased. Being the voice of now is harder than you suppose.

We did a five-minute freewrite. Ben Hyatt talks of old wounds. CB Davis's grandmother poem and the James Broughton poem from Paul Mariah's This Light Will Spread, are good examples.

How are they alike? when you read Ben Hyatt's poem, what do you know about his father? What was the scariest thing? His heart.

CB Davis wrote of a boy who falls asleep in his grandmother's lap. Where do they live? What happens when he wakes up?

And in all three of these poems the poet is writing about something very important in their lives.

In your poem use two images and the five senses, and one strong emotion.
Use very clear statements about your emotions.

The poems I wrote are about the water in the bayous, I am poem and like no I lost it, see you later. All I wanted to do was wait for the storm and the salt spray on the lips. Emulate a new image
Time silence and darkness.

Meriel Ruckheiser said the universe is made of stories, not atoms. History these hours the throat of darkness what does it mean?

Think of the throat of the shower is happening to you right now. In darkness and in silence you were going to tell the rest of the world what's happening in your life. Focus on what's important to you. What do you think the world needs to know?

Holding up the world globelike I might now come up and tell the world your poem.

Silence darkness one minute of silence 20 seconds of darkness the speed of darkness the universes the palm is yet on board and then it was darkness at the end of the universe rubs like salt silk velvet each time somebody die someone dies death, not contain slowly and just like darkness travels the speed of light. Nor is it contained solely in light it travels toward sorrow, toward hatred and fear. Sacred rocks we scattered the stars and pierce holes in the velvet mantle. A viscous smile of light spreading from ear to ear. No showers persevere. No enemy arrows of mercury. The war gods consume their own sorrow. Venus. Mars. Velvet throat of these hours before dawn.

December 1984 next bonfire how does it make you feel feeling an image fire feeling image
Devorah major talks about aloneness and solitude one image and then silence I am essence of Rose solitude write a persona palm poem to stairsteps of navy blue nights. Details of pictures
Called dead music makers.

The music doesn't die solitude free right for two minutes don't let your mind get in the way now don't read what you've written and go on and then write your poem and what I wrote was that words words words typed and then just sleep on the way home with the two poems I wrote from Deforrest and so I think I put those in. Lots was stirred up, but not poems were born, Athena-like, fully fledged from the brow of Zeus. Too many cooks in the kitchen, too many open-ended prompts.

not sure of the date, dec 84? or June 1985? CPITS conference