Ding-Dong Daddy

DING-DONG DADDY


(Nota bene: Ding-Dong Daddy, Bigamist of the “D” Line was a trolley car operator with three wives, all women whom he’d met on the job. He was a real character, caught and arrested for bigamy circa 1947—it was in all the newsreels. However, other than the moniker, this character portrayed is entirely fictitious.)

The scene opens at a bar circa 1950 where four men have been drinking and playing darts. Hank Williams’ “Your Cheatin’ Heart” is playing on the juke box. There is a roughshod camaraderie between them, but they don’t know each other very well outside the context of the bar at the end of the trolley car line. One man is a trolley car operator, the others are common laborers—in a working class. neighborhood.)

Characters:

DING-DONG DADDY, a trolley car operator

GEORGE, a bricklayer,

JIMMY, a collier

JOHN, a plumber


GEORGE: OK, Jimmy, Ante up. Mug’s away. C’mon. Let’s go.

JIMMY: What’s wit’ youze guys? Who you callin’ a mug? Why I oughta...

JOHN: Just play the game. Hey, You lost the last one, remember?

DING DONG DADDY: Dem’s da rules. Let’s go. Let’s go.

JIMMY: Aww! (He throws a dart at the board.) C’mon, baby. Double to score. (He misses.) Wait. We’re playin’ 301 this time, Right?

DING DONG DADDY: (He calls the shot.) Nope. Doubles outside.

GEORGE: Hey just a minute, we said 501, not 301. You can’t just change the rules mid-game like that.

JOHN: Yeah, An’ we all agreed tonight the game’s 501.

JIMMY: But 501 takes too long. Look, I gotta go see the little woman. She’s been waitin’ for me.

JOHN: Can’t leave the game now, Jimmy. You gotta see it out.

DING DONG DADDY: Double or quits. (He tosses his dart. Scores)

GEORGE: Doubles away. Way to go Daddio! Double 20 tops! No flies on you.

JIMMY (steps up, misses the double ring again by a fraction.) Hey look I got a double 20 too.

GEORGE: Well, it was a 20 tops but it’s in the bed, in the bed. Sorry Jimmy.

JIMMY: Is not! I scored. I scored. Look guys.

JOHN: You did not. Any jackass can see it’s in the bed.

GEORGE: Yep. In the bed, in the bed. (The rest of the guys take their turns, easily scoring points while Jimmy is left high and dry, unable to even enter the game. He’s becoming increasingly agitated. It’s more than just the game.)

GEORGE: Whoa Daddio! Triple 2o at the top. You outa the game?

DING DONG DADDY: Pretty close. I need a double 7 to get out and then I’m done.

JOHN: Aww! You’re always cleanin’ up. We gotta start givin’ you a handicap. You know. Like at the races.

GEORGE: OK Jimmy, so tell us, why are you so off your game?

JIMMY: (almost to himself, the others aren’t really taking it in.) It’s Marlene. She’s been actin’ a bit strange lately. I think she’s seein’ some other guy.

JOHN: Daddio, you seein’ any dolls these days?

DING DONG DADDY: (Aiming a dart). Every day. They just keep throwin’ themselves at me. I score every day. It’s the job, I tell you. I just keep plantin’ my dart in the bed. In the bed. Bullseye! 

Marlene? Say, I know a gal named Marlene....


(I envision dialogue where DDD talks about his conquests, and the other three slowly recognize what sounds like their women, but nothing is above board. I still need to establish solid character types for each person and assign appropriate game language to them to create the arc.)


MFA Playwriting
Brighde Mullins
March, 12, 2002