Neil got up at five to take Gary to the airport, and then onto the ashram. So I’m here, but not quite alone. Tom Harrell, the intern, is here too for the month and as we go through our rather public trials and tribulations, I really wish Tom wasn’t here. He’s moved in, and I’m not really welcome. That’s not really true as Neil said this house loves you and you were always welcome here. Odd because he’s moved things around and I feel displaced as if the things themselves represented the familiar placeholders for something more than time and memory.
But, now he’s away at school and I haven’t a clue as to the long range plan. If I’m to leave, I should do it soon as traffic is horrendous in the afternoon.
I’m invited to Easter at Wendy Worsley’s. Maybe I should be satisfied with just that, be friends from afar, friends from a distance across the room.
As we drove across the Bay Bridge last night, Neil said it was really good to see the gang—his family—again, that he missed them and didn’t realize it. I was pretty reserved yesterday, feeling ambivalent after Sunday, though my cousin Sinead said you guys were in each others’s hip pockets. Maybe so, but I suspect we are both a bit frozen and I don’t see any thaw, we are both on our guard.
At Kate O’Brien’s I told Wendy about leaving Neil, but she said she already knew. I said that I was sorry for having kidnapped him on Sunday evening, but it was the first time we’ve had a normal interaction since I had left. She said, we must hope and pray for it. I also told Neil’s actor friend, Matt Klein, and he said, actors? They never can commit. Matt’s castmates, John Anderson and Alex were saying, awww what a nice guy Neil is, and here I am, thinking, what a jerk.
But, now he’s away at school and I haven’t a clue as to the long range plan. If I’m to leave, I should do it soon as traffic is horrendous in the afternoon.
I’m invited to Easter at Wendy Worsley’s. Maybe I should be satisfied with just that, be friends from afar, friends from a distance across the room.
As we drove across the Bay Bridge last night, Neil said it was really good to see the gang—his family—again, that he missed them and didn’t realize it. I was pretty reserved yesterday, feeling ambivalent after Sunday, though my cousin Sinead said you guys were in each others’s hip pockets. Maybe so, but I suspect we are both a bit frozen and I don’t see any thaw, we are both on our guard.
At Kate O’Brien’s I told Wendy about leaving Neil, but she said she already knew. I said that I was sorry for having kidnapped him on Sunday evening, but it was the first time we’ve had a normal interaction since I had left. She said, we must hope and pray for it. I also told Neil’s actor friend, Matt Klein, and he said, actors? They never can commit. Matt’s castmates, John Anderson and Alex were saying, awww what a nice guy Neil is, and here I am, thinking, what a jerk.
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