Sunday, March 15, 1998

TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK, i


TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK, i

They say silence is golden but
King Midas and the alchemists
eventually learned it was leaden.

Perhaps seeking the gift of eloquence,
I climbed the grey tower to the rampart,
bent over backwards to kiss a stone
beneath an impossibly blue sky,
became the curve of an unstrung bow,
my lips brushing cold, mossy stone,
above the rusted bars dripping with dew
through which the dizzying ground
and nervous grass rushed up to meet me,
as if afraid of losing contact with the birds
and long-lost kin from across the sea.
Like the priest at mass as we kissed Jesus’s feet,
the keeper wiped the stone with a white kerchief.
Trees murmured and the stream sang of ancestors.

They say Cormac McCarty (a distant relation),
 who had a way with words, persuaded the Queen
to keep his castle lands.
She thought his blarney an Irish treasure.
They say the stone was Jacob’s Dream,
or a fragment of the Lía Fail, that screamed
when the rightful king touched it,
or the Stone of Scone beneath her throne.

For the chieftain’s son I made a cape of finest silk
wrought with rainbow hues and golden knotwork.
The bowstring, an aeolian harp on these distant shores
west of Tír na n-Óg, the land of youth,
where I tended his wounds on the battlefield,
The Golden Gate cradled us, we were rich
but barbed arrows pierced us with sharper words.

Like the Queen, I prefer the chatter of silvered tongues
to that of silence; ours’ grow tarnished with disuse.
But no matter how far I bend to break this impasse
his silence speaks more than words ever could.



Ides of March 1998


different poem, same title—not sure which came first




variant

TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK, ii
—For Neil O’Neill. 
Queen Medbh said to Cú Chullain: 
Each one of us will die naked and alone, 
on a battlefield not of our own choosing.

Seeking the end of eloquence,
I climbed the grey tower to lie on the rampart.
Canted back, I was the sinewy curve of a longbow 
hemmed by iron bars dripping with dew,
my hips arched to the sky’s sublime mouth—
The dizzying ground and nervous grasses flew 
up to greet me, as if afraid of losing contact with birds
and other long-lost kin from across the sea— 
Trees and stream murmured to cloud ascendancy
as the world spun topsy-turvy past my crown.
Five hundred years of lips brushing stone and air!
They say the McCarthy, who had his way with words,
wooed the First Elizabeth to keep his castle lands. 
She proclaimed his tongue a treasure, and wishing favor, 
others made pilgrimage to kiss the stone for luck.
They say his ancestor saved a bean sídhe from drowning.
She cast a spell of the honeyed tongue upon the stone.
They say it was a fragment of the ancient Lía Fáil, 
they say it was the very pillow of Jacob’s Dream,
they say it was the Stone of Destiny that roared with ecstasy 
when Érin’s true kings were crowned at Hy Tara.
Some say it’s the same Stone of Scone beneath her throne, 
but it fell silent, a thousand years in enemy hands.
Like an alterboy at the mass where we kissed Christ’s feet,
the footman wiped the stone as if linen could cleanse 
the rock wearied by five centuries of lips’ mute testament.

For the chieftain’s son I conceived a cloak of finest silk,
a crest wrought with golden knotwork and rainbow strands:
below three stars, the severed hand of the ancestor
who won a kingdom in a race by throwing his limb to shore. 
Not content with Érin, Niáll’s scion sent the Stone to Alba,
to crown a brother, but his tongue bested him: a cleft truce sworn 
on Patrick’s staff: trapped in a pyre, he drowned in a vat of ale.
Destiny found us on more distant shores west of Tír Eoghain,
in Tír Tairngire, the Promised Land of Brendan the Navigator, 
where the salmon of wisdom swam wild in the Golden Gate,
where I tended the Uí Niáll’s wounds on new battlefields, 
where I fed this son of Ulster champion tales of Cú Chulainn, 
claimed by both sides, who died chained to that dolmen, 
and how it wept when Tír na n-Óg took him in.
Born with a gilded tongue, my chieftain’s son 
had no need of kissing stones. He made a nest in my ear, 
charmed my soul, then flew off with the wild geese—
red-handed fear reigned inside a heart of stone—
leaving a hunger of words to hatch in my mouth.
Like the alien Queen, I prefer silvered-tongued chatter 
to tacit silence: our tongues grow tarnished, no matter 
how far back I bend to kiss that stone, his silence 
drowns more than this battlefield of words. 

Ides of March - St. Patrick’s Day, 1998


this seems to be the final version

TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK, iii

                            —For Neil O’Neill
Queen Medbh said to Cú Chullain: 
Each one of us will die naked and alone, 
on a battlefield not of our own choosing.


Seeking the end of eloquence,
I climbed the grey tower to lie on the rampart.
Canted back, I was the sinewy curve of a longbow
hemmed by iron bars dripping with dew,
my hips arched to the sky’s sublime mouth—
The dizzying ground and nervous grasses flew
up to greet me, as if afraid of losing contact with birds
and other long-lost kin from across the sea—
Trees and stream murmured to cloud ascendancy
as the world spun topsy-turvy past my crown.
Five hundred years of lips brushing stone and air!
They say the McCarthy, who had his way with words,
wooed the First Elizabeth to keep his castle lands.
She proclaimed his tongue a treasure, and wishing favor,
others made pilgrimage to kiss the stone for luck.
They say his ancestor saved a bean sídhe from drowning.
She cast a spell of the honeyed tongue upon the stone.
They say it was a fragment of the ancient Lía Fáil,
they say it was the very pillow of Jacob’s Dream,
they say it was the Stone of Destiny that roared with ecstasy
when Érin’s true kings were crowned at Hy Tara.
Some say it’s the same Stone of Scone beneath her throne,
but it fell silent, a thousand years in enemy hands.
Like an alterboy at the mass where we kissed Christ’s feet,
the footman wiped the stone as if linen could cleanse
the rock wearied by five centuries of lips’ mute testament.

Ides of March - St. Patrick’s Day, 1998

TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK, iii



TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK

                            —For Neil O’Neill
Queen Medbh said to Cú Chullain: 
Each one of us will die naked and alone, 
on a battlefield not of our own choosing.


Seeking the end of eloquence,
I climbed the grey tower to lie on the rampart.
Canted back, I was the sinewy curve of a longbow
hemmed by iron bars dripping with dew,
my hips arched to the sky’s sublime mouth—
The dizzying ground and nervous grasses flew
up to greet me, as if afraid of losing contact with birds
and other long-lost kin from across the sea—
Trees and stream murmured to cloud ascendancy
as the world spun topsy-turvy past my crown.
Five hundred years of lips brushing stone and air!
They say the McCarthy, who had his way with words,
wooed the First Elizabeth to keep his castle lands.
She proclaimed his tongue a treasure, and wishing favor,
others made pilgrimage to kiss the stone for luck.
They say his ancestor saved a bean sídhe from drowning.
She cast a spell of the honeyed tongue upon the stone.
They say it was a fragment of the ancient Lía Fáil,
they say it was the very pillow of Jacob’s Dream,
they say it was the Stone of Destiny that roared with ecstasy
when Érin’s true kings were crowned at Hy Tara.
Some say it’s the same Stone of Scone beneath her throne,
but it fell silent, a thousand years in enemy hands.
Like an alterboy at the mass where we kissed Christ’s feet,
the footman wiped the stone as if linen could cleanse
the rock wearied by five centuries of lips’ mute testament.


Ides of March - St. Patrick’s Day, 1998



variant 1

TEACHING STONES TO SPEAK, i
—For Neil O’Neill. 
Queen Medbh said to Cú Chullain: 
Each one of us will die naked and alone, 
on a battlefield not of our own choosing.

Seeking the end of eloquence,
I climbed the grey tower to lie on the rampart.
Canted back, I was the sinewy curve of a longbow 
hemmed by iron bars dripping with dew,
my hips arched to the sky’s sublime mouth—
The dizzying ground and nervous grasses flew 
up to greet me, as if afraid of losing contact with birds
and other long-lost kin from across the sea— 
Trees and stream murmured to cloud ascendancy
as the world spun topsy-turvy past my crown.
Five hundred years of lips brushing stone and air!
They say the McCarthy, who had his way with words,
wooed the First Elizabeth to keep his castle lands. 
She proclaimed his tongue a treasure, and wishing favor, 
others made pilgrimage to kiss the stone for luck.
They say his ancestor saved a bean sídhe from drowning.
She cast a spell of the honeyed tongue upon the stone.
They say it was a fragment of the ancient Lía Fáil, 
they say it was the very pillow of Jacob’s Dream,
they say it was the Stone of Destiny that roared with ecstasy 
when Érin’s true kings were crowned at Hy Tara.
Some say it’s the same Stone of Scone beneath her throne, 
but it fell silent, a thousand years in enemy hands.
Like an alterboy at the mass where we kissed Christ’s feet,
the footman wiped the stone as if linen could cleanse 
the rock wearied by five centuries of lips’ mute testament.

For the chieftain’s son I conceived a cloak of finest silk,
a crest wrought with golden knotwork and rainbow strands:
below three stars, the severed hand of the ancestor
who won a kingdom in a race by throwing his limb to shore. 
Not content with Érin, Niáll’s scion sent the Stone to Alba,
to crown a brother, but his tongue bested him: a cleft truce sworn 
on Patrick’s staff: trapped in a pyre, he drowned in a vat of ale.
Destiny found us on more distant shores west of Tír Eoghain,
in Tír Tairngire, the Promised Land of Brendan the Navigator, 
where the salmon of wisdom swam wild in the Golden Gate,
where I tended the Uí Niáll’s wounds on new battlefields, 
where I fed this son of Ulster champion tales of Cú Chulainn, 
claimed by both sides, who died chained to that dolmen, 
and how it wept when Tír na n-Óg took him in.
Born with a gilded tongue, my chieftain’s son 
had no need of kissing stones. He made a nest in my ear, 
charmed my soul, then flew off with the wild geese—
red-handed fear reigned inside a heart of stone—
leaving a hunger of words to hatch in my mouth.
Like the alien Queen, I prefer silvered-tongued chatter 
to tacit silence: our tongues grow tarnished, no matter 
how far back I bend to kiss that stone, his silence 
drowns more than this battlefield of words. 

Ides of March - St. Patrick’s Day, 1998



different poem, same title—not sure which came first



They say silence is golden but
King Midas and the alchemists
eventually learned it was leaden.

Perhaps seeking the gift of eloquence,
I climbed the grey tower to the rampart,
bent over backwards to kiss a stone
beneath an impossibly blue sky,
became the curve of an unstrung bow,
my lips brushing cold, mossy stone,
above the rusted bars dripping with dew
through which the dizzying ground
and nervous grass rushed up to meet me,
as if afraid of losing contact with the birds
and long-lost kin from across the sea.
Like the priest at mass as we kissed Jesus’s feet,
the keeper wiped the stone with a white kerchief.
Trees murmured and the stream sang of ancestors.

They say Cormac McCarty (a distant relation),
 who had a way with words, persuaded the Queen
to keep his castle lands.
She thought his blarney an Irish treasure.
They say the stone was Jacob’s Dream,
or a fragment of the Lía Fail, that screamed
when the rightful king touched it,
or the Stone of Scone beneath her throne.

For the chieftain’s son I made a cape of finest silk
wrought with rainbow hues and golden knotwork.
The bowstring, an aeolian harp on these distant shores
west of Tír na n-Óg, the land of youth,
where I tended his wounds on the battlefield,
The Golden Gate cradled us, we were rich
but barbed arrows pierced us with sharper words.

Like the Queen, I prefer the chatter of silvered tongues
to that of silence; ours’ grow tarnished with disuse.
But no matter how far I bend to break this impasse
his silence speaks more than words ever could.

Ides of March 1998


Journal entry: Ides of March


Journal entry: Ides of March

Weeks go by, the silence of the coffined words – words unsaid. It’s been over three weeks since I left Neil‘s place. On Monday, last, I sent him a card and a poem, Leaving Casablanca, and here it is, Sunday, and still no word. Ides of March.

I awaken too early these days because of words unsaid, unspoken, and so I write long letters that will probably never be sent. Yes, I ran away, but it takes two people to not communicate. Silence is a form of communication too. Silence may be golden, but I prefer the silvered tongue any day.

I’ve had a busy three weeks, I’m teaching four days a week and have been suffering back pain as a result. Also, we did two huge silk banners for the Alexander Valley School spaghetti feed and art auction—under extreme deadline. And the silk banners sold last Saturday for $375 and $500 each respectively. I think I earned my feed, so to speak.

I also re-painted Neil‘s Celtic silk piece because the colors faded after fixing the dye, and the gold gutta flaked off. It’s taken some time to repair the damage, but I was able to add writing in both Irish and ogham. I try not to dwell on grief, I try to turn it into something creative, but sometimes grief threatens to overwhelm me. Still, I make art. I finished a small pastel of Niel’s cloak. I had started the drawing in January, working in old sketches, and giving the piece more color in depth.

I’ve been re-organizing my art supplies, doing what I can between bouts of back pain. I am on day number three, or is it four— of intense headaches so I can’t do much of anything for a while. Not reading. Not even art.

I’ve been studying Irish, I even made a found a poem using Irish phrases from Focal an Lae, and other Internet printouts, no internet in Forestville. I also had done some research for phrases to write on Neil‘s cape cum silk banner. I added two cartouches, a coat of arms, and a salmon feeding on the hazelnuts of wisdom, the writing on the intricate border adds a mysterious touch. Glamour. Magic.

Micaela came over Friday night and I was feeling particularly low but we got a good visit in. She stayed overnight, and then went on up to see her father in Mendocino. I almost went with her but began to panic about driving any distance with another person. This accident has left a lot of scarring. Getting into a car with others will never be the same.

She’s going through menopause at 45. Seems too soon, but she does look haggard and drawn thin as if something were eating her up, consuming her, intensifying its grip as the years go by. Part of it is her past, and like all of us, she can’t quell the hurts and burdens of childhood. Guilt, mixed alliances, and fear of the father.

She’s doing art again. I am so grateful. She always was such a fantastic artist. She told me a story of how, when we where children, we were drawing horses and she announced hers was way better than mine. My aunts glowered at her, saying something to her, and she still felt guilty for it, for being mean and petty. I said, you probably did draw a better horse than me. I was envious of your horses. 

And then Micaela said that my aunts were trying to protect me because they loved me, something I was completely oblivious of. So, the reason why she remembered the story was because for the first time in years, she drew a horse in pastels, and thought of me. It was good seeing her and reaffirming the self in the self of another friend.

Another pearl she left me with was that she always admired my independence, and how I refused to cave in when pressure was put upon me to conform, to become a meek little lady. That I was incorrigible and incorruptible in my belief system, and that I had paid a steep price for it. But no one ever attempted to understand me, or to figure out what was going inside my head. That I was so alone in my loveliness. 

I think of what she hates in herself is the way she does cave in, and conform to men’s needs. What she hates in herself, she sees herself as timid and weak, when she clearly is not. If only she could believe. But maybe her art is a way back to the core of self.

Monday, March 9, 1998

FOUND POEMS FROM THE IRISH: (A WOMAN’S LAMENT)


FOUND POEMS FROM THE IRISH:
(A WOMAN’S LAMENT)

I composed a poem on the bottom of the sea:
It’s only a story of a story. An old one, at that.
You know how it ends.
I saw him once in a vision.
And it was then I knew.
I remember him standing in the white heather.
He was my hero, my lively lad,
Skin as white as snow.
Eyes, bright moons,
Arm in arm with the sun.
A shaft of sunlight fell on him.
Like windows opening on the sky.
Out of the ordinary—that quicksilver moment.
Both old and young, we were caught between two times.
What’s destiny to me? Not a honeymoon.
The walls of the otherworld are listening.



Oh love of my heart,
Can you not sing of this life?
From sunset to sun up,
He’d make a nest in your ear.
We had the current and wind with us,
We had the sun and moon with us,
But he said naught of dew nor rain.
We were waiting for spring
But the bottom fell out of the sky.
When we made a knot with our tongues,
We couldn’t untie with our teeth.

Grá. Oh pulse of my heart. Love.
I dropped that word on the ground.
And it shattered like a vessel.
He’s taken the music from the world.
There wasn’t a word left for me.
The music of the sun on the sea and land—
The birds are singing
The daftness of our words
In the face of the wind.


The three drops of a wife:
the drop of blood,
the milk of tears
the milk of sweat.
I have no cause to stay.
He’s a rock of a man, hard
and deaf as stone.
He has not rent, nor concern nor sorrow.
He wants both the hide and its price.

A man hears only what he wants to hear.
Not: You’re my music.
Not: I love you.
It’s not possible to serve two shores.
There are always longer horns on the cattle overseas.
Clear out of my net.
I have plenty else to do.


The sea was rough today.
No fair mouthings (sweet talk).
No bird music—
I had spoken harshly to him.
The heat wilted the flowers.
My garden’s a wilderness again.
No herbs nor healing against death.
The puca’s pissed on the berries.
Don’t let me hear another word!
God’s tears in the web of the little wild ox (spider)
And my mother’s fingers gulping rosary beads.
clocha paidrín.
The tide is ebbing.
The sun’s slipping under.
There’s always a bitter blade of wind.
He never said goodbye to me.
It’s not worth the wait now
(for) a place beyond death.
This world’s closing in on me.
Pray for my sake.

3/9/98

Tuesday, March 3, 1998

LEAVING CASABLANCA


LEAVING CASABLANCA
                 With thanks to W.C.W. & to Bogey, of course.
                For Neil. The play’s the thing!

1. This is just to say that on leaving
Casablanca with bags and baggage packed—
everything in black and white—I was
a wounded child: an angry rain of bullets
tracking me, words gunning me down
the runway; I was too ashamed to open-
ly bleed beneath the lights. Fearing
the sniper, exile and abandonment,
I sought asylum in the shadowlands
because at Casablanca, I couldn’t see
to speak in a foreign tongue, nor sink
my eyeteeth into equivocal languages.

I mistook the lover for the sniper;
couldn’t see the hostage within.

2.  Now, the woman is ready to bite
the bullet, board the next plane,
soulcage in hand, but needs a visa,
permission to land, for another chance
to round up the usual samskaras,
hoping Bogey’ll recite the right lines.
But she’s never been to the City of Light.
How’ll she play a part she doesn’t know?
A requiem of gray stones in her mouth.
As time goes by, she finds she, too,
doesn’t know the words to the song.
Instead of tickling ivories, they play it solo:

Forgive me. They were so sweet,
so silent, so cold…


3/3/98
in self-imposed exile in Forestville 

Sunday, February 1, 1998

“Gilding the Lily, Willy, Chilly”


This piece was once adorned in red hot chili peppers, it was for Sonoma State Art from the Heart auction. It did not sell. Nor did it age well. What you can’t see is that I used silver oil pastel to gild the lily. And of course, the title was based upon that rather bad pun. Maybe I should’ve said geld the lily. This piece was somewhat of a collaboration. I was up against deadline and couldn’t come up with anything. So I went to my neighbor, George Howell’s cabin and we came up with this ridiculous idea. It sure was fun and we giggled immensely. Maybe that was worth the price of admission. Ya had to be there. To be fair, I was still recovering from that horrid car accident in June and I may have been taking a break from Neil. I was his primary caregiver and I try to make a break of it a couple of times. But we needed each other to get through the dailiness and so I stayed. I found this piece of art in a cardboard mailer in August 2023. A bit of a shocker, really. I think I will pull the drawing off the board, easier to store that way. nota bene I seem to have three valentines posted for 1998. Clearly there are some wrong dates involved. Hopefully I will be able to untangle it at a future date.

Wednesday, January 28, 1998

SONG OF THE HUMPBACK WHALE

SONG OF THE HUMPBACK WHALE

In the sea-pastured dreams
where the stars fell from grace,
they are destined to crawl from the sea floor 
at daybreak, searching for a way back home
to the night sky where a whale's eye 
roams the universe in search of self,
twittering and singing, squealing and sighing
in a raspberry-lipped sotto voice 
of diminishing dreams.
Leave the future behind, and then what?
The echo, in the depths, the melody, 
lost among the rocks and tidal surges.
The whale's heart is large enough to hold me—
Imagine that kind of love.
Imagine becoming the heart of the whale.

Who traverses dreams of the night 
with such ease that the countries of the universe 
will rise again like distant islands 
under the boat, joining words to song, 
and song to the mind of the universe?
Why can't I come back to land? asks the whale.
What sheep dreamed of entering the sea
in search of fodder, only to grow fins
leaving Jason's golden fleece behind 
on the opposite shore for mankind 
to find and plunder another kind of wealth 
on the beaches of California?
What of the lost migratory routes 
and the coming extinction
when you will not see again 
the eye of the whale rising like the moon 
in the pond of forgiveness?


1/28/1998 
10/15/2015

Thursday, January 1, 1998

Fur Heart Valentine for Art form the Heart (art)


Watercolor and collage. I painted two images of hearts onto heavy morilla board then I sliced them into strips (one vertical, one horizontal) and then painstakingly wove them together. I did a series of woven paintings after a trip to Guatemala in the mid -1980s. Most are gone, sold to strangers at the annual Art form the Heart art auction fundraiser at Sonoma State University. I made a color xerox of this one. so, it's a collograph of a painted collage.
I lined the two woven heart pockets with rabbit fur. There are candy hearts and ribbons and and even a slender pencil. You never know what people will buy at the auction... One pieces that I submitted I thought no one would buy, there were fierce bidding wars on it. Other pieces that I thought would appeal, no one wanted. This little jezebel was left behind. I guess whimsical fur lined hearts didn't appeal.  January, 1998? or 1988?

Landscape with Salmon: pastel valentine (art) 1998

A pastel valentine to Neil, 1998


Wednesday, December 31, 1997

Scratchboard drawings, India ink, 1995-97

Wim Hoffman's garden, Vlissingen, Nederlands 1995?

Road Not Taken 1995 (Michael Carey sent me a woodcut by Carl Homestad)

Orchard, Forestville 1995

Celli's Cabins & Redwoods, Forestville 1995

Mucky the Cat Bathing After the Storm, 1995

Plant detail, Building an Ark, prose-poem, 1995

Mt. St. Helena, Sun & Sumi Hills 1995

Mt. St. Helena, Sun & Sumi Hills II, 1995
Oat Grasses, Forestville, 1995
Suicide Rock, Idlewild 1995

Lily (Tahquitz) Rock, Idlewild, II 1995

Russian River Basin, Ukiah Pass 1995
Pine & Russian River, Monte Rio, 1995
Driveway & Michael Celli's Italian Pine, 1995
Cypress & Field, Mayacamas Range 1996 (after a woodcut by B. Bramant)

Mark West Creek meets the Russian River I 1996?

Mt. St. Helena, Flowers 1996 (after Teresa MacLean's April Wind)

Drowned Vineyards, Wholer Bridge 1996?

Submerged Trees in the Russian River, near Monte Rio, 1996

Forestville, after a painting by Fred Meyer, 1996

Mark West Creek & Russian River II, 1996

Oak & Boulder, II, Alexander Valley School, 1996

Oak & Boulder, Alexander Valley School, 1996
Russian River Mouth, After 40 Days of Rain, 1996 (after Tony King's Estero)
Drowned vineyards

Mt. St. Helena

Redwood Reflections, Forestville, 1996

Wohler, & River Road's New Shore, Russian River, 1997

India ink scratchboard painting/drawings from 1995-1997, The first drawing was from the Netherlands, ca. 1995? when Wim Hoffman stuck a blank white scratchboard in my hands and I drew his garden. I was enchanted. The last piece was of Wohler Road during the floods of 1996-1997.

Almost all the drawings were done in situ in Sonoma and Mendocino counties, a few were drawn at Idylwild. Some were modeled after other artists' work. We had a couple of record flood winters. I was housebound and stir-crazy and couldn't get out of Forestville, marooned due to the severity of the floods. It rained for 40 days!

During that time I was also working on a long prose poem, Building an Arc (1995), that kept on growing, so some of these pieces were used to illustrate it. I later had a show at the California Museum of Art at the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, Santa Rosa, and another show and reading at The French Quarter, in Rohnert Park, where we used lines from the long poem under the artwork.

Wednesday, December 10, 1997

AT THE WAR MEMORIAL OPERA HOUSE

AT THE WAR MEMORIAL OPERA HOUSE

We sat in paneled boxes waiting
for the orchestra to fine tune itself. 
The tall Nutcracker stared at the audience.
It was like stepping back in time.
I was transported to the Russian Imperialist Court
Remembering how Valera stood outside 
the Bolshoi Ballet Opera House in the snow 
and it was all blue and white, and blue again.
Ya lu blu, he said. I love you.
It was a marriage of snow and sky
in post communist Russia. Dancing bears
and sugar plum fairies.

I was remembering a neighbor's friend, 
Fritz Leonhardt who took me to my first opera 
to see Madame Butterfly. I was dressed in teal
 & turquoise chiffon. My cousin's old prom dress.
Fritz was an illustrator for Macy's and I Magnan's.
He drew his signature long, willowy models
that undulated across the back pages
of newspapers and magazines
with that aloof come hither look 
that would confuse generations of men.
Alien creatures, figments of his imagination.
He drew women of Amazonian proportions.
A gay man's ideal of womanly elegance,
giraffe-necked creatures with legs
that went up to their chins.
I despaired, these were ideals
I could never reach, I was not tall, nor elegant,
not like that social butterfly,Tallulah Bankhead 
who appeared in a peacock sequined gown 
that hissed like a snake when she 
slithered across the marble floor.

12/10/1997
rev. 10/15/2015
War Memorial Opera House, San Francisco

Monday, December 1, 1997

When these prose pieces were written


This is just to say that I rewrote and endlessly revised these West Marin prose pieces so I don't have exact creation dates, just the year, and I chose to post them all during the second half of this year, as they were all thematically related. I also had a lot of free time recovering from the car accident in June, so I worked on these pieces, to keep my mind occupied as I convalesced. It was also a way to collect family folklore, ever an ongoing process.

When these pieces were transcribed to the electronic publication format arena a decade later, I was also posting pieces in my blog thematically vs. by creation date. So creation dates are relative.

Once I went back to school, then another revision process began. And more versions were spawned. I began to lose track of all the dross and bits and pieces—first drafts, for example. Then the quest was: how to deepen the pieces. How to push the edged of the envelope of prose. I was terrified of prose. This was an attempt to quell my fear of prose and also stay true to the poetic voice.

I also was moonlighting at UC Berkeley in the Celtic Studies department, while going back to school at San Francisco State, and adjusting to urban life in the Bay Area. I was holding tight onto the past, while bootstrapping my way into the world of prose. So, there are a lot of Celtic references as I reclaimed my past and made history personal. — MH 3/18