Friday, May 1, 1992

Igor Tishler: A Fantasy Come True 5/1/92

Igor Tishler in his Guerneville studio.











Over and over, he goes in clumsy circles,
into the blind darkness
Vladimir Tatlin spreads his mechanical wings…
the domes and the crosses grew dim.

—from "Vladimir Tatlin" by Vladimir Salimon
(transl. Maureen Hurley & Oleg Atbashian)

By Maureen Hurley



Igor Tischler


When the elusive golden window of opportunity opened for Igor Tishler, a fantasy painter from Russia, he didn't hesitate; he grabbed his paintbrushes, canvas, and paints, clicked his heels, and said dosvedanya to the USSR. And landed, not in Kansas, but Colorado. Oz came later.

When a friend sent the artist Igor Tishler an invitation to visit him in Boulder, Colorado, little did he know, he'd end up in exhibiting his work in Guerneville, California—on the Russian River, of all places.

Tishler's first major US art exhibition opens May 9 at the new Curtis Chase Framing Arts & Gallery location on Main Street in downtown Guerneville.

The soft-spoken 37-year-old St. Petersburg artist said he'd sold two paintings at an exhibition in Germany—just enough to buy his Aeroflot ticket to America. But all was not synchronicity once he landed in Boulder, a self-proscribed anti-Russki cowtown.

Though Tishler managed to create new works while acclimatizing to America (he wasn't able to take any of his old work with him—customs officials wanted to charge full value for his paintings), and display art at two exhibitions, no one was buying. Tishler said of Boulder: “It is…how do you say it?… a very western place; not a very good audience.”

A chance visit to California last November, brought the self-taught artist Igor Tishler and a friend to Guerneville, where Tishler met Stumptown luminary, Tom Lynch. Tischler's friend later returned to Russia, but Igor stayed on with Lynch at Southside Resort.

“Here, people like my work. I sold three or four oil paintings, and maybe, ten watercolors in two months—California is so different. For me, it seems people are more interested in different cultures, not just the western style. Maybe it's because California has more different nationalities.”

Raised in Moscow, close to the Russian "White House" and embassies along the River Volga—the birthplace of Slavic culture—Tishler had a typical Soviet childhood, attending school #407. There's a rote Russian saying: Povtoreniye mat ucheniya. Repetition is the mother of knowledge.

Even with glasnost, Soviet schools place an emphasis on orderliness, right/wrong answers, with no allowances for creativity or personal expression—especially in art. Stress is on accuracy and neatness; drawing and painting realistically according to a rigid prescription (Social Realism). Though proscribed fantasy exists in Russian fairy tales and cartoons, children are discouraged from inventing their own make-believe realms.

However, Igor Tishler's active imagination wasn't extinguished. He describes an early childhood experience at the family dacha outside Moscow. “I was four or five, walking with my younger brother on the way to the forest, we saw a giant 12" fly-bee sitting on a bench, and I watched our reflections in her faceted eyes.”

The Tishler brothers ran away in fear, but the memory lingered. When they were 10 and 12, they invented a magic planet, called the Crystal Ball—with jade mountains, castles, princesses and dragons, a dose of good and evil, etc. “This was a strange mix from real life (politics, religion, dreams). Peopled with prototype heroes and villains from the '60s.”

In Igor Tishler's world, there was the Dictator Castro versus the Little People who made up songs and poetry. “They took energy from their songs; their food, magic honey from giant rainbow bees. This country was called Breadland. In the other country, people wore masks; they couldn't be individuals.” Breadland in a country of little bread….

“In 1977, when I was 24, I had a strong dream,” recounts Tishler, “A little man, Rigvanda, from the crystal planet, called to me. He said he'd take me away from earth, turn me into a giant fly-bee… But I was not ready, I was afraid.” So Tishler began to paint and write about that make-believe world.

In 1978, Tishler was drafted into the Red Army, and stationed two years near Lake Baikal in the Chitah region near the Chinese-Mongolian border, where the army put him to work as a graphic artist, cartographer, and calligrapher. In 1980, Igor married, and moved to St. Petersburg, where his wife, Natasha, was an art student, and later, a professional illustrator. (One of her commissions included rendering The Wizard of Oz.)

After the birth of his son, Sasha, Tishler explained, “I tried to write a book on my crystal world for children. This was fantasy, like Tolkien. But I didn't ever read Tolkien because in Russia, we have no translation of him. We began to draw illustrations. At first, when I read Lord of the Rings, I was shocked, all my fantasies broke [shattered]. Some episodes from my book were like from Tolkien.”

Tischler painted his first two big pieces on cardboard, “about a magic town. After that, I think, maybe, I can paint a little bit.” He experimented on/with different materials—nails, rocks, wire and mesh—“like collage.”

“My grandfather, Aleksandr Tishler (1898-1980), was famous artist.” Igor remembers visiting his grandfather's studio. The odor of linseed oil, the dark golden mystery of the ikons amid wood sculptures of dryads carved from the branches of linden trees created a special atmosphere that fired young Igor's imagination.

Tishler said, “My grandfather taught me very strange things, I could not understand at the time what he meant. After maybe two - three years, I understand some things. It was like a secret program. He told me fantasy is not like a sea or a lake; it has limits, like a pond.”

“I was not an artist: I was more industrial draftsman, musician, hippie…” Igor played guitar and drums, dabbled in zen, studied art, iconography and calligraphy; in 1987 Tischler began to paint in earnest.

“My grandfather didn't want me to study in the Cruzhok (the pot) art circle. He said 'This will destroy your talent.' When I drew, I felt no good, I was bored. I can paint real things, but I don't like to. I like hallucinations, fantasy, Surrealism. My father had many art books, Cubism, Dadaism, Dali. I knew about this art. Sometimes people think my grandfather was a Surrealist too, but it's not true. He liked combinations of styles.”

(Salvador Dali's work was banned in the USSR; he was labeled too decadent by the art police.)

Igor showed me two art books of his grandfather's work. Stunned, I recognized a famous drawing of the poet Anna Akhmatova I had admired at her salon-house in Leningrad. Apparently the well-connected Aleksandr Tishler knew many of the belle epoch luminaries: Chagall, Picasso, Modigliani, and Mayakovsky.

Igor recounted a story his grandfather had told him: “Akhmatova wrote, only two artists understood her poetry: Modigliani, and Tishler.” Weighty praise from the mother of modern Russian poetry.

Aleksandr Tishler wasn't mentioned in any of my Russian art books, but then, this blanket omission also includes artists Kasimir Malevich, Vassily Kandinsky, and Marc Chagall. An iron curtain hid the Soviet artists who didn't toe the line. We, in the West, have little concept or grasp of that kind of blanket censorship.

Aleksandr Tishler's work was delegated to some of the best museum basements the repressive, anti-Semetic Stalin-Brezhnev eras had to offer—the lower depths of the Pushkin Museum, the Tretyakov Gallery, and the Bahrushkin Museum of Theater in Moscow, to name a few.

When I was in the Soviet Union 1989, I also found no Chagalls or Maleviches at The Russian Museum, but in 1990, in a back foyer of the Hermitage, I rounded a dark corner and was confronted by five glowing Kandinskys! I stood in rapt attention listening to his symphony of color. Even post-Glasnost Russia, I had to aggressively hunt down the works of these otherwise famous artists of the Western world.

Cut off from European influences of Cubism and Constructivism, (Peter the Great's window on the West closed up pretty tight after the October Revolution), Supremativism was considered to be the first purely indigenous Russian art form of the 20th century (Malevich). Constructivism (Vladimir Tatlin), and Fantasy (Chagall), two other important Russian art movements followed.

Though Tishler the Elder, was of the generation after Malevich and Chagall (who emigrated to America), he incorporated many of their styles in his work. Born in the Crimea, Aleksandr Tishler studied at the Kiev Art School (I visited it in 1989), and was also a sculptor and theater stage designer. He became stage director for the Jewish state theaters in ByeloRuss, Moldova, and Ukraine.

In collaboration with the great Soviet poet Mayakovsky, Aleksandr Tishler' s experimental work in Formalism, Constructivism, and Cubism had a profound effect on the direction of modern theater, launching new concepts into the art world.

While Igor's grandfather, a member of the Artists' Union, wasn't prohibited from painting or exhibiting his work in group shows, Igor says “they were usually held in inaccessible places.” The newspapers gave him unfavorable reviews, citing his work as “bad art.”

Like the Writers' Union, the Artists' Union was a monopoly that had the power to create or destroy artists—by denying them a studio space, living stipend, art materials, and public access to exhibitions, and potential buyers. Repetition is the mother of knowledge.

If you were an accepted official artist, all manner of doors opened. Other Artist Union perks included paid vacations at artist colonies, and use of summer dachas. I was constantly asked if I was an official artist or writer. At first, I didn't know what that meant.

When Akhmatova was banned from the Union, she received no wages, accommodations, or access to publish any of her poems. She, like most of Russia's great cultural heroes, was lavishly reinstated after her death.

igor's grandfather, Aleksandr Tishler died in 1980, before Perestroika; it took his widow four years to gain permission to display a posthumous retrospective of his work. “I went to my grandfather's show and saw his paintings. I was so upset, I Icould not paint for two - three years,” recounts Igor. “I thought I was original artist, I saw only his later work, but he was working on my ideas long before I was born. Am I unconsciously repeating him?”

Igor's own work conjures up visions of Persian miniatures, Russian folkloric lacquerware, but with a New Age twist. Interesting aside to note that the Russian River was a spawning ground of psychadelic fantasy painting. Mad-hatterly LSD parties made vast inroads in people's perceptions during the late '60s and '70s.

A whole generation, appalled by the absence of spiritual values, rediscovered Art Nouveau, in their romantic quest for a new lifestyle. The Beatles, Rubber Soul. Listen to the color of your dreams —Tischler learned English at school, and from Beatle songs.

Tishler's watercolors have a similar playful quality like Dutch pop artist Peter Max's illustrations for Yellow Submarine—which, of course, Tishler's never seen. He explains, “I don't use drugs for my ideas.”

He shows me a chart of two inverted pyramids. The artist works from the superconscious to archetype, to the subconscious level, where the mind visualizes it as dreamlike symbols, and recreates the vision in a painting. He describes how ideas come to him “like a vibration, I can see them, like a hallucinatory slide.”

Some of the pieces in the show include Sad Song, a painting of a trumpeting snail facing the last battle. He describes some of the fantasy creatures as his “small, personal army.” When asked how his work is influenced by California, Tishler replies, “my colors change, I have new ideas, not exactly new, but transformed, expanding ideas. The bicycle is a new idea. I have no car. I ride a bicycle everywhere.”

Tishler shows me whimsical paintings of bicycles, rabbits, moles, and fish—where steampunk mechanical gears predominate. And the Wild West has had an influence as well: designerly paintings of katchina dolls, turtles, horses and women. Tishler's Native American Horse with cloak, animatedly carries designs of the universe and the essence of horse as proudly as the ancient Chinese burial bronzes of flying horses.

In the Babylon Temptation of Eve; Eve's headdress is a ziggurat with gold foil—reminiscent of Gustav Kilmt who was profoundly influenced by the flat surfaces of Oriental prints. Art Nouveau, Surreal, and organic forms rich with symbolism—like Klimt's Byzantine portraits with gold leaf, and intricately patterned material.

Curtis Chase framer/artist Craig Timmerman does an excellent job of showcasing each art piece, enhancing its jewel-like quality.

Some of Tishler's oils are a bit uneven, he admits it's a new medium for him. Where his work excels is in the jewel-like tempera boards, and illustraterly watercolors. Prices for his watercolors and temperas range from $30 to $80, oils from $300 to $1000.

Since 1989, Igor Tishler's work has been included in over 15 exhibitions in Moscow and Leningrad/St Petersburg, with traveling exhibitions to Finland, Germany, Israel, Japan, France, and England. His work at the Ariadna gallery, “Art Today,” was featured on Leningrad television, and his work from Germany's “Red Gallery” was aired on Moscow television.

Many of the exhibitions sponsored by Soviet joint ventures with Japan, Germany, Switzerland, etc., have given Tishler good exposure, and afforded him a living. A member of the Young Artists of Leningrad (LOSH) Artists' Union, he figures he's sold some 40 pieces ranging anywhere from $500 to $4000 rubles each (the equivalent of 6 month's Soviet wages—a few US dollars) during the past two-and-a-half years.

With the break-up of the Soviet Union, it's hard to predict what the future of these joint-ventures will be. Artists' Unions, along with the Writers' Unions are collapsing along with the old Communist party system. What will take their places is anybody's guess. Nouvelle censorship of the arts due to poverty? It will be interesting to see what will happen with the uneasy marriage of arts and free enterprise in Russia.

Art always takes us full circle. The European artists—the Impressionists, Art Nouveau painters and designers—all looked east, toward the Orient, for their inspiration. Russia is where east meets west, and St. Petersburg is the fabled window to the west. Igor came to California to where west meets east. Fertile ground. It will be interesting to watch his career develop on the edge of the Pacific Rim.

Tishler hopes to stay in America another 6 months, perhaps a year, or maybe two, if he can get his visa renewed, but he finds life in America isn't as easy as it seems. “Sometimes it's very difficult to live here. When I have no money, it's like a depression. At this poverty level, I cannot live like most Americans.”

Though Tishler misses his wife and son, he feels he can help his family more by staying here. As to what the future might bring, he looks glumly “I don't know. I have no idea. I wait for when Rigvanda comes back to me and turn me into a big fly-bee.”

Meanwhile, his small personal army of fantastical creatures is intent on rediscovering the lost land of Oz on the Russian River.

Reception for the artist Sunday, May 9, from 1 to 4 p.m.; the exhibit will be on display through May 30 at the new Guerneville Curtis Chase Framing Arts & Gallery location at 16355 Main Street (707) 869-2041.

May 1, 1992, The West Sonoma County Paper

Journal entry, 3/1/92 Malcolm X.

3/1/92 OK I will admit that I don’t know much about  Malcolm X. Paul Mariah says he was a separatist, high up in the Black Muslim movement, and when he no longer wanted separatism, they assassinated him. He was like Martin Luther King, but with more guts, more fire, says Paul. I dream about the assassination of self. I had a dream. Now it takes a somewhat macabre and humorous twist. Malcolm X blowing himself up in a public bathroom. What a colossal waste. King, too cool to intervene, or to take sides.

And I’m pissed as hell about all this multicultural crap dividing us, making us enemies. I relate to the oppressed easily. I am Irish, I know firsthand of oppression and xenophobia. Susan says we need a workshop on how to deal with the sensitive egos of men, when we women, both Black and white, are forced to tippytoe around them. All their male supremest bullshit. It’s the women who are oppressed, not the men. Why the hell are we women supposed to be so discreet, and not rock their ego boats, why don’t they learn to not offend us? Why are we supposed to be the bootlickers? I find it offensive that I’m supposed to learn the appropriate new language to deal with Roberto, a Black Latino, when he isn’t required to do the same of me, or other women. That is not equality. Nor is it a case of cultural sensitivity. It is not a neutral meeting ground.

FREEDOM COMES IN


FREEDOM COMES IN

It's the nature of dawn
to splash against the horizon
and surrender to the sky
because forgetfulness
is always beyond reach.
It's the nature of freedom
to come in like tomorrow,
late, and out of breath.
No conspiracy
of hidden microphones
in corporate bedrooms
and in poet's quarters;
a burning sensation
as if insects announced
the arrival of word-thieves.
Tuesday is asleep from too much Monday,
blueness is an illusion of scattered light.
The human eye sees 10 million colors.
Tell that to the ozone layer.
What’s the use of sight
when the sun milks
the eyes of sheep and rabbits.
No mother, the sky.
We’ve looked into the eye of God
and become mute as stones.

5/92

Thursday, April 30, 1992

Salmon Fishing, Peacock Gap, San Rafael (photo) need story

Not sure when this was, I wrote  The Mother of Beauty in April, 1992, so it was around then. I was invited out to join the residents of the Forestville Home on a salmon fishing trip by a local contractor. We left from Peacock Gap in San Rafael. I did a story for The Paper, but haven't found the tear sheet, or the journal entry. They all got seasick, the entire boatlload was barfing. So did I. We went out to Potato Patch Shoals outside the Golden Gate, and the sea was unusually rough. By the time I caught that salmon, my first deep sea fish, I couldn't care less. But I had to reel it in on my own. Later that night we ate it. Divine.

Wednesday, April 29, 1992

POEM FOR LA Rodney King riots


POEM FOR LA
           Rodney King riots

Please open
our hearts
to the earth
‘s only hope.
My heart is heavy.
Anger robs the streets
& the skies weep
for rain.

April 30, 1992

Tuesday, April 21, 1992

Journal entry, 4/21/92 housesitting at Simone and Toni’s, Bluebird morning

4/21/92 I am housesitting at Simone and Toni’s, it’s a blessed escape from the clutter of my house for someone else’s clutter. I’m escaping the distraction of my creepy new neighbor. So many wonderful places to write, but the dog won’t leave me alone. How I hate to be pestered in the morning. So I tossed the cat out. The dog circles me every minute in the house. Toni probably walks her each morning.

All the outside chairs face towards the house. I don’t want to look inward, I want the horizon. First year of decent rains after several seasons of drought, the oatgrass is reaching skyward. Too bad the hot tub is broken, I could spend part of each day submerged in this beauty. Yesterday I managed to complete my CPITS end of year report, divvying out matching money etc.

Yesterday I awoke to bluebirds banging on my window, striking the glass. All that extraordinary blueness of sky and rust colored bellies. I read once that most of bird feathers are optical prisms. It’s a question of refracted light, not a pigment. Their blueness is ethereal. I cannot imagine mere pigment entering into it. No matter what I did, those two bluebirds dove at the window. I darkened the blinds. Nothing worked. I realized that the window was a mirror and the pair were defending their territory against themselves. They were their own worst enemy.

I remember seeing bluebirds when I was young making that visual comparison with time. I used to confuse them with robins, both with their red breasts. I thought they were related, Or that they were the girls. Then came Rachel Carson’s silent spring.

And since then I’ve seen bluebirds twice in my life. Once, years ago in Chico, I rode horseback in a meadow on John Crawford’s red mare, Bluebirds swooping over me. another time out near Bridgeport with Lee Perron, we were hiking and came across a little upland meadow stretched between the framework of hills. The bottom of a gully, really, like those hanging basket lakes of the Sierras. And there they were filling the air with their blue loveliness. They took my breath away as they do each time I see them, because they have been such rare birds in my life. It’s like a glimpse back into my childhood.

I’m always searching for lost memories to mine, as if my inarticulate memories, layered beneath  years of time and neglect, held some basic truths. Finding that, I find a part of myself. I have no way of knowing which thoughts are pure, the innocent observations, without form or structure, or these gleaned from the nuances of an educated mind. Certainly they are more sophisticated.

But the purity of bluebird magic, that breathlessness occurs only in hindsight, using the sophisticated tools of language, I search for a way to describe what I must’ve felt that isn’t a cliché. Bluebirds reduced to cliché, associated with happiness, fill me with inexplicable joy and I don’t know why, other than the invisible link to my past, their disappearance for years, until I forgot I ever saw bluebirds.

It wasn’t until I was in my early 30s before I saw them again. 25 years I waited for them, I looked for them, not finding them anywhere. 25 years I searched for joy, and found other birds commonly filling the air. A bluejay is cousin to the crow, not a songbird. They knife the air with their coarse call, only in flight do they embellish and scallop it.

I do not know the song of the bluebird, but in my darkest hour, a student wrote a poem, the song of the bluebird to the explosion of the bomb, darkness is fleeting, light is eternal. How could she know of such things in fifth grade? Even she doesn’t know their song, though she writes of it.

The bluebird holds some evocative mystery, though its very name seems clichéd, but if we rename the bluebird, some of the mystery would be lost, we’d have to reinvent it. How did this bluebird become linked with happiness? its song, its color, its habitat, harbinger of spring, Sentinel of joy, diving at my window.

Arise, arise, it is day, don’t squander the preciousness of it, the metaphor seems to say. But it was really just two feisty birds defending their own turf from strangers. Territorial imperative and delusion, the urge to nest, the urge to mate, to raise young is of primal concern. Delusion and joy, seeking something irrefutably lost, was it ever there. Joy is subtle if you look at it head on, it disappears, only the absence of joy heightens it when it comes. Like those bluebird feathers, the illusion of blue, of joy as seen from the corners of the eye and never head on.

This morning I came looking for the bluebirds and found only a disappointment of barn-swallows instead.

Sunday, April 19, 1992

Sunday Morning, Berth 1-11, Sausalito


SUNDAY MORNING, BERTH 1-11, Sausalito
         —for Kathy Evans, it was her houseboat

Sunday morning—not the Wallace Stevens kind rising on extended wing—I awaken in a white room, the houseboat moaning and rocking on the mud flats. A lone curlew daubs the tidal palate, jacksonpollacking the air with his spatulated beakness. The last time I slept on a houseboat, I was child—the names pleased my ears, a sing-song: tiki junction tiki junction tiki junction. Last night I dreamed the water was sweet, and I stirred it with my feet. Black bees came to drink from it, burrowed beneath my skin, the darkness a refuge. I couldn’t walk, my feet bloated with hairy bees—like burrowing birds or children— seeking entrance through the small blisters where I’d walked too far, too fast. I squeezed them out: what of the stingers and the legs and wings left inside?

Last night’s love came in small o’s, too late for the rubber, and I worry about conceptual art of squeezing bees from the soles of my feet. We trundled the double bed where a divorce has severed the sex from the psyche, and cleaved emotion from the arteries and venous matters. The honeyed odor of sex is stronger in a cloistered room. Kathleen’s mother calls, wants to know why a strange man with a Russian accent answers her on a Sunday morning.

Many women poets I know live alone in white rooms. I want to write a poem in each of their rooms; the undocumented lives behind the walls of writing. With her divorce nearly final, Kathleen says she can barely look at her houseboat poems, She says, “We can't afford to but each other out, life is selling us short.” She manages to stuff the essence of a life, her four children of a one-room studio; birds have begun to build nests in the eaves. Life goes on, blindly unaware of ideas like fairness, or sea planes asleep on the mud. My lover’s cigarette seeks the kindred air of gray sky and oceanic debris, of freeways and houses on ancient sea cliffs anchored against an eon of low tides, the seas are rising. No neap about it. The sea plane, a bee with yellow stripes of mixed imagery. I'm still afraid of the bees trapped in the pockets of my undertoes and rising tide.

On the dock, a small potted pine snags the ancestral whirl of H.D.’s pines. Incandescent remnants of holidays spent alone, or with the children, in the separate enclaves of poetry, because the basic structure of family is altered. (Sacrificial, like all the rest. Did I tell you about my father?) Oleg rises to the occasion, only to deny it, but this morning I take it, thinking of modems, and “handshakes;” the peculiar electronic orgasm of computers exchanging data via the phone lines, and malapropisms. Strange songs. What would our ancestors, the primordial blue-green algae, make of this development? I shake his cock, a friendly offering across the celibate bed of concealed weapons and thighs. It seems Oleg and I are more enemies than lovers—but the rare moments we disarm ourselves before sleep, are flowered, like the egret walking elegantly across the unstable mud flats.

Thinking of all those dead bees trapped in my feet, I cried and remembered how, in the dream, we sat on the edge of our seats as the car managed to drive up the angle of declination each time. Right before the crest, the fear of falling backwards into space volleyed the darkness behind our heads. A final refuge to be savored when it seems we can't go on. Each time the car crested the hill, we turned back the way we’d come, only to start at the bottom again, in a perpetual Möibius strip-teaser of time, the snow endlessly melting towards the renewal of spring. Does it matter if I don't know the driver? Horses followed the car, their fleeting beauty arched across the sky, my sorrel mare pulsed against all that green. Will I spend the rest of my dream life purgatorially searching for that damned mare who was allergic to hobbles, ropes and barbed wire fences in the hills of Forest Knolls? She's been dead longer than my half-life, still I dream of finding her. She's not lost, she knows exactly where she is grazing those hills, achingly familiar, out of childhood.

The questions seem mundane in daylight—why write at all? Small epiphanies made even smaller under sunlight. Those rare moments etched in our memories, yearning for a time that will never come, and so, like the burdened oxen laboring through our waking moments, we glance into the déjà vu of what if, if, if. . . I gave up everything and moved here to live on the cradle of the sea, incunabula at the intersection of land and water, delta triangle of cunt from which the word “queen” stems.

Someone advises me to learn to grieve for what I’ll never have. We've opened the burden of living together among ourselves, other wives and children. Resentment draws the familiar longitudinal line in the bed at night, this is why it's easier to draw a truce in a bed not our own. The relative freedom from constraint. Tender enemies: barnacles and mussels prepare for exposure to air by drawing inward. Suspended from the anchor ropes, and from the sides of barges, they've learned to adapt to the harsh aerobic reality of air, while all we’re capable of is learning the fine art of dressing wounds.

Oleg says the word mussel is midia in Russian, muscled mice in the tree of tongues, no Babylon to be expelled from here. The word “paradise” is the walled garden of the desert. When the Slavs came to the Black Sea it was already occupied. Midia, milish, the mealy-mouthed sweetness of bees, melissa.  What media is your art? The medium is the message—crystal balls, and computer chips. The technology we use to write with: silica divines the information, Jason's golden fleece and the dead lion with honey in his bones; parthenogenesis of words from one life form to another. Stromatolites, and the first “I am” life uttered. We read about a crack smoker makin' Jason, the ultimate orgiastic quest. We evolved out of the mud for this? Flowers stranded on the mud flat (the bay pulls its silken sheet from the bed slowly, as if unveiling a masterpiece, slowly), a vermilion gash; who would throw flowers into the sea? Surely not the just married, or the newly dead. Who, in the night, had such hope, or despair, to give the sea this gift? What lions alive in the fleeced carcasses of bees springs from the loins of our days?

While we stretch metaphor to its limit, each new crenulation of word, where ideas rub shoulders, becomes clichéd the moment it's conceived. Forever divining the spirit of word in purgatorial surroundings, we are headhunters in search of our own heads, cannibalistic dreams are a natural phenomenon in the New World. Cannibal, cannabis. Prospero's daughter in love with the island of Caliban. Canvas, the hemp sails and rope-that took Columbus to the New World—E. Cannabis Unum. The quincentennial is upon us. Airearthfirewater, and the fifth, quintessence. Take the Fifth. Five hundred years of blue-eyed love among the tribes. Mi lengua, mi Llorana, La Malinche, my sister, my voice, who spoke in tongues until the blue-eyed mestizos fell from her like stars to populate the cities of the sky. We are gathering from the four corners of the earth; she is calling us home. The trough in the mind made by this houseboat in berth 1-11, a canyon, a small river seeks the blood mother, and our beginnings. Who came first? Alpha or omega? Omicrons, small o’s as we face the second coming. Umlauts and epsilons. The invention of letters on the mud flats is left to the crabs calligraphing their way to safety.

Kathleen says she writes in order to keep her sanity. The mellifluous saxophone upstairs seeks union with the human voice within the channels of the ear. Coltrane? A friend with the angel’s name gave up singing after 15 years because her voice migrated to Wagnerian dimensions, and she hated the idea; her voice, a betrayal. Now she answers corporate phones at Apple, and lets poets buy computers with her company discount so we can continue to bite off words from the spoken air of conspiracy underfoot, and divine words onto the page via the handshakes and addresses of electronic media. I just bought a scanner. We can theoretically scan anything, even our own body parts and enter them into the electronic arena where the only thing real is on off-off off-on-off on on ommmm.

This battle of the sexes continues to operate between the sheets, making no distinction between the lines of gender, telephone lines, coke lines, the shore line, midline, the line of declination, the screen phosphor line, another line fed to us from the psyche, the gods, or another man or woman wanting something other than commitment between church and state, war and peace, enemy and friend. The helical line of the electromagnetic spectrum—where anything from radio to color bands is explainable to the staircase of DNA unwinding the haploid life, is explainable—is drawing the line, is toeing in; the shortest distance, points of recognition—the bee line, the perspective line, the song lines at Walkabout.

The earth's name is Gaia. Last night I dreamed Kathleen told a man her other name was Gaia, and she was smiling, alone and ruddy-cheeked, loveliness in a white room suspended above the squalor of mud, the tide going out, something larger than love coming in. Why should she give her bounty to the dead? In this way I understood we are all imperfect transmitters and receivers—pain is not interference from deep space, it is a conduit that allows us a glimpse, the curtain drawn aside for a moment, we see in the mirrored air, a little beyond the image of what we call “self,” the first “I am” we cannot help but utter in the plasmic void of what we are, and what is to be, becoming literal in this littoral zone. 

Easter Sunday, April 19, 1992

READING FROM THE SCULPTURE GARDEN ANTHOLOGY

READING FROM THE SCULPTURE GARDEN ANTHOLOGY

Finally, she read those poems as if he were a stranger,
writing of angst as the tao of love, to another stranger—
The noun (or is it verb?) “lover” resting casually on his lips
was not for her. Who was she? She dreamed he was a double-
edged murderer, and she was the guilty first-time accomplice—
If the truth leaks out, she'll be an accessory to the crime.
Was it the tangled clothes in the dryer that betrayed them,
or the small fish in the jaded surf at Puerto Escondito?
She saw him coming down the steps holding two poems.
Naked beneath her coat, she hid in the crowded bank lobby,
he found her on the blue bench by the fountain
saying, “A burden has been lifted from your back.”
A hag sat on the wall with a basket of black-painted eggs—
he reached for the one she held with the bluejay on it,
she smashed it on the pavement, saying,
“Last time I gave you an egg, all hell broke loose.”
She dreamed her father asked for forgiveness after 20 years of silence.
He offered her rubies, she knew that rubies must be kept warm
to keep their color alive. He held a ring of ashes toward her.
To complete the goddess dance before the congress of pontiffs,
She was given three syllables to sing, no melody,
the floor pattern of a sine curve to emulate, no instruction.
The dancer said : the movement and melody are already within you.
She dreamed she was given three sacred cloths; a black, a white one,
and a red one that read: an arrow in the wall.
If they touched the ground, the power would be lost.
She was given back a transcendental belief in love,
She musn't let go of truth, or the magic will die.
In the search of the genuine, she is transparent,
filling this courtyard with her own words—
All the poems in the world can't heal the breech between them,
& there is nothing left to wound except the memory of pain,
intransient as the annoying halo of gnats
they thoughtlessly sweep from their eyes and mouths.

4/19/92
Easter Sunday
San Pedro

Saturday, April 18, 1992

THE MOTHER OF BEAUTY WALKS AMONG US

THE MOTHER OF BEAUTY WALKS AMONG US
                                     —for the mongoloid

Musing over complexities of love gone wrong,
of race, of gender, how the domestic warfront
is a soiled microcosm of the larger mirror,
I avoid the mongoloid man walking down Main Street,
who unconsciously slicks back his blond hair.
In that gesture, I could see the father was probably vain,
a lady-killer, but genetics betrayed him.
The shadow of beauty abandoned guilt behind the moon.
In that gesture, it came to me, how his face
held all the elements of race—who we are.
I want to tell the anthropologists—wait!
we've had the model in front of us all along.
I want to tell the xenophobes and the racists,
his face is that of our ancestors.
Caught on the street in the morning sun, 
unadulterated love walks among us.
How easily we make invisible
something common, holy and profound.
Can we still learn to emulate his heart;
he who loves so unreservedly, 
and wears the face of us all?

4/18/92
Forestville, CA

Sunday, April 12, 1992

Journal entry, 4/12/92, Green Fuse reading

4/12/92, Green Fuse reading. Yesterday, tired to the point of exhaustion, I left the Green Fuse reading at half-time, having not even read my poem. I just didn’t care anymore. Besides, there was a typo in it. I went home, nauseous from fatigue. I was in bed by 9:30 PM and I slept nearly 12 hours, and today, having slept nearly twice as long as I have on average for the past several nights, I have insomnia, watching movies into the wee hours. Tomorrow will be horrible. But channel 9 is playing movies until dawn. I called Valera Stupachenko in Leningrad, but no answer. The rule of thumb, if I can get through, he’s not at home.

Sunday, April 5, 1992

Reading at the Sculpture Gardens, 4/5/92

“Just never settles in the house of a woman not ready for the sun.“– Ellen
I was one of four readers, I haven’t read here since 1986 with John Oliver Simon. They said I read well. Nice to put the faces with the names. I get lots of strokes and compliments. Ellen who goes only by her first name because she’s been married so many times, said it was nice to be able to put the name in the face together, said that I draw from many sources keeping the reader interested. 

4/5/92 
Angel’s Gate, San Pedro

Saturday, April 4, 1992

Journal entry, 4/4/92, Venice boardwalk


4/4/92, Celia and I walk along the Venice boardwalk after dark talking of violence, how danger arrives in the lives of innocent bystanders in the form of stray bullets, come along home little eagles. A memory from the past, I was 10, walking along that same dark alley with a friend wanting money. For two bits I was molested by an old man in a seedy abandoned hotel room but I’d forgotten all this. Only now as I walk along the stained ribbon, that last wall that divides the strand from terra firma, it all comes back as Celia warned me of stray bullets.

I realize a random act can be no less violent than my own childhood, here along these canals where I ran with the pack. I thought I had no LA poems in me, but the city of Angels and the canals have witnessed a multitude of sins, passages. Mine is one more sexual stroke swelling the purgatory of sinners, the collective unconscious. I didn’t feel betrayed by the man, but by the girl who led me there. I refused to play with her again. I chose to be lonely and alone rather than face that betrayal again.

I write this missive in transito. On the plane. In first class, a man yells, and yells again. I am so scared. The word oxygen is bantered about. We are a temporary audience in bad Hollywood fashion. One summer I lived on a hill across from those big white letters. I guess everyone’s got to write their LA poem, al la Bukowski just like everyone’s got their own baby Bukowski story to tell as well.

But I should, yes, two angels, with smooth pubescence, no betrayal of sex, they are asexual angels who will never know the thrill of a mouth on nipple, clitoris rising in the most holy moments. Do they dream?

And when we bring in the wash, in the sheets, we uncover the pale beginnings of the origins of love. How impeccable white takes on the dolor of the sky As a child I never understood why the sky beneath the eucalyptus took on the greyness of lead.

The plane pulls back from the loading dock. A man leaves, a cop enters, another man leaves and everyone is growing an extra vertebrae in their necks, trying to piece together the story, any one will do, as long as it’s plausible. I guess that’s the way it was with us. Happiness was plausible, therefore we were plausible. After all, you were a Rhodes Scholar,  John. You should know, Greek letters trailing you like ropes from Baja to the Andes.

No I don’t regret those poems lying next to me in a book, years later, it’s just the shock of it. And yes we were happy, if just for an instant on that beach in the port of Angels so much further south of the border. Who was to know that when we murdered our unborn son, we were accomplices to the murder of love.

Yes. Those jaded eyes will come back to haunt us through stinging arrows—words pierce the transparent air and find their target, years after conception, while we kiss the lips of strangers, and begin anew for the umpteenth time, but isn’t this the American way?

And so in the city of Angels, I visited you again and again, my lover, entonces, always to the shores of Mexico, where you would shed your gringo skin, but never your eyes – all that green and blue settling in the cenote as you sleep in El Convento where DH Lawrence signed the register, where he resurrected the Plumed Serpent into English palabras.

At the Sculpture Gardens, the other writers and I exchanged pleasantries in Español. I read my poems for the waiters at the garden, not for the well powdered, more than middle-aged audience. I see the ones standing by the door listening so intently. I’m sure the words have wings fluttering, las almas, into the soul of the afternoon where sunlight takes its own choosing, the hour of reckoning.

Last night we set the clocks ahead in order to trick ourselves into thinking there was an extra hour in the day, but like with everything in the city, as with these word, it’s an illusion. White against white equals white. My skin is an intermediate step between the tongue of racial tolerance. No longer am I the white whore because I speak in tongues. The bus boy says, I wish to write poetry. I encourage him in both languages. The language of grief cannot hide the truth and why I am alone, Poetry, my inheritor, mi amor.

LATE NIGHT FLIGHT FROM LA

LATE NIGHT FLIGHT FROM LA

Oh, it has come to this,
your poems read after reading,
on a late night flight from LA,
where on the canals, you and I last read,
how many years ago now?
Six years and I am reading your poems
as if written by a stranger to another stranger,
where the word, or is it verb, lover
rested easily on your lips, was it the—
My clothes spinning in the dryer,
the happiness you spoke of,
she loves me, she loves me not,
and now when I read them I wonder,
to woman were these small piercing arrows
aimed at? But I am transparent,
the invisible woman fills this courtyard
with her own words, arrows fortuning across the plaza
And there is nothing left to wound,
except the memory of pain,
intransient as the gnats circling each person
a live halo buzzing each of us.
Returning home to this spawning ground,
I am fully fledged, not like the last time.

4/4/92?

Sunday, March 15, 1992

FOR THE ANCIENT MARINER (Beyer ditty)

An occasional poem for George Beyer from the Rebstocks

No coyness is needed to introduce the slayer of dragons
The swashbuckler is restless, and philosophical flagons
Spill the time-tested aspiring Bayer wisdom of the ages
Desire: mere pearls before rime are courageous adages,
Say the sages. Old flames. Love knows no limits, no bounds,
Nothing less profound than your heart resounds.
For it takes lengthy experienceómore than that of accolades
To measure, so brilliantly, the full breadth of your decades,
As you celebrate with passion, your 80-odd years
(If I may take the liberty to explain); it appears
That nothing, except breath, comes as easily as praise
Issuing forth (in arrears) for our man Beyer. We are all ablaze
Speaking in heroic couplets, and blossoming forth from our lips
Loose quips capable of sinking even the most stalwart of ships.
Harken to the stern! Damsels in need of rescuing ahoy!
No need to dwell on those lost opportunities of the past.
For you, a life-time supply of rubbers to curl your toes fast,
To make your knees weak; this is no blanket condom-nation.
(Now, try and explain yourself out of this ticklish situation.)
And so to the ends of the earth, we send you French Letters
With postage due (in the hopes that you may still find something better
To do with your time than to listen to those silly old nursery rhymes.)
Rise to waken and take your rising slow (in dubious paradigms)
For the gentle cock that percheth in thy lady's chamber is naught
About tough old roosters or gamey hens ready for the stew-pot.
These jib lines are for sale, no insurance pitches to gum up the works.
A package of life-preservers (what the doctor ordered) lurks
Waiting to set the infinity of 8 on its side, and zero on its head!
The big eight-oh oh oh . . .take these safes to thy daily bed. . .
(Oops! I think I've said more than I ought to,
A good thing this is Novato, not Kalamazoo.)
Time's a wasting, me matey, to celebrate the beauty of her.
Keep a stiff. . .er, upper lip, don't be a heart-breaker.
Stalwart ship, raise thy mizzenmast, let the wind play
Out your sails, for at the ends of the earth
there be dragons to s(lay).

4/17/92
1st draft 3/15/92

(This was a commissioned poem for a birthday roast...)

Monday, March 9, 1992

Journal entry, 3/6/92, art opening, Women Depicting Women


 3/6/92, I went to my  art opening, Women Depicting Women, at the Tweets gallery, on Mendocino Avenue, in Santa Rosa,  and it was jampacked, I couldn’t move, let alone see any of the work. My Volcano Goddess Erotica: Madame Pele was very visible above another photo. But I was disturbed by all the people. The women’s community really turned out for the event. That’s a euphemism for lesbians who are all checking out all the other women. It’s a pick-up scene. A meat market. I guess I’m disturbed by the deliberate separatism of the sexes, I don’t want to be identified by the women’s community, or the goddess community for that matter.

Anyway, I come home very depressed. I am missing Valera, and I am listening to the Leningrad Rok Opera, Juno and Avos, I’m thinking in Russian and in Spanish, bypassing English completely, wondering what language to think in, mixing them all up.

I rented two movies, Christy Brown’s My Left Foot, and Nicholas and Alexandra. I drink a glass of red wine for my cramps, I’m in the bleeder’s hut. I remember my grandmother telling me about Christy Brown, showing me his paintings all done with his left foot. Irish and Russian. It always comes back to that. Mining the past. Does it really take five Hail Marys to set the souls free? King of the bonfire. Wickerman still burns. Christy’s first word, Mother, and I am crying for I don’t know what. My grandmother had me picking up marbles with my toes to strengthen them, she said. I learned dexterity with my toes drawing, painting, picking up buttons, preparing for the future.

Thursday, March 5, 1992

Dreaming in yellow


Did you know that the molecules of darkness are transparent? Reach into your pocket and grab some so that we can begin the story. In the beginning it was dark, darker the night. The ancestors of color were undifferentiated, they hadn’t yet migrated. The ancestor of yellow swam towards the beginning of time. Yellow lives in the hearts of mustard flowers, and in the feathers of songbirds. Canaries know yellow best. Sent down into the darkness of mines to warn the miners of poisonous gasses, yellow is the color of warning. Yellow is the buttercup held under the chin of a child in spring, yellow is butter’s secret. It is the first floral reminder of spring. It is the sun’s reminder to the earth in winter not to forget about the spring. Everyone knows those who will be born in those who will die will know at least two names of darkness. The pavement under new houses becomes a name for darkness. Under the pen, the space between the paper and the ink is a place where darkness hides. Green is the secret desire of yellow. Grass seeds buried under the earth dream in yellow.

3/5/92

LATE AT NIGHT I GET CALLS

LATE AT NIGHT I GET CALLS
          —for Igor Tischler

Late at night I get calls from strangers
who speak good English with thick Russian accents
from places like North Carolina, New York, Iowa—
They are homesick, or want to send packages of shoes
to daughters left behind in Moscow, Leningrad, Cherkassy.
In this way, I find out about my friends in Russia—
via the Slavic grapevine. It's always the same news:
times are hard, life is a struggle, the price of bread in every conversation.
Igor says: I get homesick for America when he is already living here.
He has grown used to conveniences, the quality of food, the sameness.
He says: in every store the bananas are in the same corner.
Here, I don't have to worry about where to find them.
Natasha says her family is fine, they eat lots of bread now—
when they can get it. The lines are longer than ever.

I think of all the dried bread in every Russian apartment,
so glad I didn't throw out Valera's stored bread
when I cleaned the cabinets—meal bugs, stale food.
Guilty of what little food I did toss—bugs are protein too.
Cereal laced with insects and mouse shit sticks in my craw.
In America, I'm not reduced to such choices.
The green canned meat he wouldn't let me throw out,
or the furry sausage saying, it's good. Vicusna. Hotchish?
In America we throw out food that's still good.
In Russia, any food is considered spoils;
a people constantly at war with bureaucracy.
Booty in the form of dried bread, a bank account.
Daily bread to feed the birds. There is no equation to be made.
In Russia, all of life is punctuated with lines.

Late at night I talk to friends of friends who I've never met,
we share something in common.
Always they say: Khome veesit our khaus in Ameerika!
And I know they mean it—
their doors to their hearts always unlocked
for the potential future friend.
Because in this way, they will survive.
Friends are everything. Isolation is death.
Better off in Siberia, or Magadan with friends.
Here, we are voluntary exiles, xenophobes used to the soft life,
we slam doors on our own thumbs as a matter of course.
The more Igor and I discuss American and Russian psyches,
the more we discover we are alike,
having traded places somewhere during the first thaw
of the Cold War. The final thaw, irrevocably.

Censorship comes to mind. Michael Jackson's crotch.
Igor laments Edward Albee, the American Chekhov
is unknown in his own country.
Those who recognize his name ask: is he still alive?
Albee met Igor with a bouquet of flowers at JFK airport at 6 am,
easing his transition into the den of iniquity. Albee? I'm stunned.
Flowers for the death of one way of life and the birth of another.
But what of all the daughters of Russia waiting for American shoes?

Igor says: I do fine here, but sometimes, late at night,
I go crazy with fear. What he can't do is send shoes to his daughter.
Like Vadim who keeps buying more shoes on sale,
because the others have become too small.
Neither can send shoes home: the package is small,
do you know of anyone going to Russia? 

I say: Yes. I will ask, so they can ease back to sleep,
knowing the storyline by heart, how hell is named,
with shoes, becomes tangible. It is empowerment.
Here, they have money to buy shoes, no way to send them.
The choices are: to stay in Russia together as a family
and have nothing, or to escape to America's golden streets
and send things to the family left at home.
Most never want to go back. The well-muscled
American night is filled with longing for homeland,
all those orphan shoes walking in the night
towards all the daughters of home.

3/5/92

COLLAGE POEM

COLLAGE POEM

Blossoms under a full moon,
stone hard; thunder comes crawling
across the sound barrier of clouds
as if its companion light
were trapped in deep summer,
dreams remembering the past
as blue as the thoughts of fish
waiting to be water, becoming water,
telling me of separation and of darkness.
The ocean tides pull at my heart,
shimmering storm waiting to be air,
becoming the air.

3/5/1992

Monday, March 2, 1992

Journal entry, 3/2/92 Poetry Reading, Center of the Universe, Sonoma


3/2/92 God, it’s only 8 AM and I’m sleepy. I’ve got an interview at 1 PM and I need to schedule teaching at Monte Rio school at 3:30, then I have a reading in Sonoma at 7:30 PM and I don’t feel well. Horrible headache yesterday didn’t help. I’m a little chilled, like I’m coming down with something.

I read at the Center of the Universe café, there were a few more people this time, but this time I was off, I couldn’t quite match the words with the tongue, but Jim Bird said, The emotion in the intellect were there. I felt like I could’ve read a telephone book, or random words, the emotions carry the poems, people like my words, even strangers. The strange young man who inhabits the camps of the Grateful Dead, listens intently. I read for a half an hour, but I’m annoyed with a sudden open mic. foisted right in the middle of my set instead of at the end, as planned.

One young man wanted to read five minutes, then someone else had to read another five minutes, because the first one did, and so on, etc. So much for the two minute rule. Or Andy Warhols 15 seconds of fame. The poetry is pure crap. We all have to begin somewhere. The audience disappears. Open mic readers have had their five minutes of fame, the rest of the audience is bored to tears, so they all leave. I was terribly annoyed by the interruption, since it takes me so long to reach my stride.

Anyway Allegra Broughton, SSU Expressive Arts classmate, played music before I read my second set, which was lovely. At least this time the audience didn’t disappear. Her uncle is James Broughton, the Northbeach poet

Jim and Nancy went out for a drink at the Sonoma Hotel afterwards. I get fed dinner and I was paid $10 for the reading. Jim brought me a glass of Chardonnay afterwards. I could have used an entire bottle. I read entirely from my Invisible Boundaries manuscript, so strange and different from my old work, the rhythms are not the same anymore. Paul Mariah gave me an ammo box for my truck, something for the long ride home?

Sunday, March 1, 1992

RINGSIDE SEATS TO A BURNING

RINGSIDE SEATS TO A BURNING

I take photos of a house burning exercise,
Bob Rozette, Graton fire department medic
automatically slips into the vernacular,
as if to lessen the burden of reality.
Yeah I got cooked, we had a real barbecue earlier.
Though the fire is real, the exercise
is a test, a training ground.
One man, # 20, examines his melted helmet.
Bob explains how his clothes,
three layers of jeans material
are woven with a special cloth, keep out the heat.
If someone sweats, it will turn into steam,
thus burning him, he explains.
The house is engulfed in flames,
the water pipes in the shower
emerge from the carnage.
Young girls with babies,
and their firemen husbands
picnicking on the grass, watch,
ringside seats to a burning.
The final wall falls,
then the wooden foundation,
the steps are the last to go.

3/1/92
Forestville

Saturday, February 29, 1992

Journal entry, 2/29/92, Leap Day deadlines


2/29/92 Leap Day, dropping off artwork, deadlines. Yesterday was one of those days straight from hell, mainly because I was racing against the clock to put together a manuscript for the Yale Younger Poets award, this was my last year to enter.

I had to re-organize my manuscript, some techniques that Lee Perron showed me the other night, over dinner, dropping the buts the ands, and the whiles from my poems—all those articles and particles conveyed uncertainty. It also meant I had to reread every poem and make changes and reprint them all but my printer wasn’t working right and neither was Adobe Type Manager. The start-up icon went missing and it took me a while to figure it out. 

This last step was crucial, because he said to reprint my manuscript using a good type face. Geneva 12 point is too big, and 10 point is too small, 11 point doesn’t quite do it either, and since I have a true type printer, my font choices are limited, even with ATM running. I put 64 pages of poetry into Goudy typeface and it took me the entire day to run them off. I couldn’t use the Mac while it was printing. I was supposed to have my Ann Woodhead story done yesterday as well and I’ve only typed a few lines, it’s overdue. I need two Macs.

I just found out that two of my photos, The Lament for the Women of Russia, and Volcano Goddess Erotica/Madame Pele, that I sent in to the Sonoma County Arts Council at the end of December, 1991, were accepted for the Women Depicting Women art exhibit. Late, I was, second to last to drop off my pieces, but Diane Shulkin was still at the Arts Council. She said my writing has become famous. I was puzzled, then she showed me Mary Silverwood’s bio and I am quoted in it—a big paragraph at the top. So, as Mary’s career takes off, Canada, Britain, etc., my words travel with her. They become her official mascot.

Simone Wilson invited me over for a hot tub, and a disk swap. Lo and behold, she had the impossible to find ATM version, as the normal Palatino font won’t work with my printer. So now I have two typefaces I can use, at the 11th hour. But I think I like Goudy typeface better, it’s more elegant. There are literally hundreds of fonts available for the Mac, I have disks full of fonts, but there are less than a handful that are acceptable as a poetry typeface.

I also sent out 10 batches of poems and wrote a 2000-word article on Ann Woodhead. I usually don’t turn in my articles on the same day I write them, it’s too new and too raw, and I can’t see where it needs work, but I was already a day late, and had to turn it in. It takes me about three hours to pull it together, to add only 300 more words. Talk about leaping into the day, a day in the life of…

Thursday, February 27, 1992

SPRING WRITES REIBLI ROAD


SPRING WRITES REIBLI ROAD

Today, on the way to school, I was struck by the sculptural quality of the oaks, of vines, and hills. Perhaps the clarity and angle of light makes things seem more real. Or is it because the wild cherry-plums have suddenly declared their hiding places, small white plumes along the undergrowth and along the riverfields. Signs of escaped, or abandoned civilizations, the progeny of Europe and Asia Minor blooms in Californian fields. Opportunistic mustard burns the retina—acid-yellow flecked with green. Small riots of narcissi and daffodils declare miniature kingdoms. Freesias, drops of pioneer blood scattered in the fields, inheritors of the abandoned homesteads. Soon, the native lupines will dress the hills with indigo robes, columbine and larkspur embroidered in the folds, and the poppies will blazon each shoulder. The distant snore of a bulldozer punctuates the dominion of someone’s dreams.

The lazy slant of books eases towards the horizon. Goldfish, small birds in the dark water rush up a ladder to the sky. The heart of a blue whale weighs more than one ton. The clock pushes time westward in increments of one. A student gathers endless space in his eyes. My mind is made of small golden chains. Too many hands on the world. Invisible forces shape the poem as much as what is there.

Outside the driveway, the acacias explode into sunlight; the teachers asks why the kids are so crazed. The air, laden with honey needs no explanation. My desire more focused; I want to offer my breasts up in a gesture that is timeless. A man hauls branches to the field, their dark shapes inscribe the sky with a random hope for a spring that will never come. The incense of smoldering apple clippings, like the fragrance of blossoms trapped in wood. Another European settler, the apple. We even brought bees to this continent. From the cradle of Mesopotamia, the acacia, once revered as a sacred wood, no longer frames our doors.

A flock of crows in the bare branches seem out of place—too large and too dark. They are winter’s memory, the darkness of the soil. A triad of horses; the appaloosa’s flecked coat, like the reverse images of stars. Hungrily, he pulls at weak winter grass that creates a deeper hunger, and is not satisfied. The word satiated  is related to satisfaction. The Greek word for witness is martyr. The reintroduction of the horse to the Americas almost saved the Indians. President Woodrow Wilson married the great-granddaughter of Pocahontas. I read Chief Seattle’s letter to President Harding to to my young students. We talk of differing world views, and write our own poems to the earth, to the distant drumming of hammers. What will nourish their children?

I don’t stop to take photos; too late for this valley—a slice of Americana threatened by the encroaching estates. Only poems to outlast memory. Perhaps a daughter of the developers, hungering for something more, will read them and ask, “Daddy, what happened to the mustard fields blooming as far as the eye could see? Where does memory go when there’s nowhere left to go?”

2/27/92 Higham Family School

Tuesday, February 25, 1992

NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN SPEAK

NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN SPEAKS:
     —for Gene Ruggles

Sitting
like Buddha, Mary
TallMountain was the guardian,
a black triangle on a vast white plain.
Both solid, and non-solid, her hair, a living bridge
uniting head to shoulder, composed entirely of triangles.
The mantra interspliced dream images of her name. She said life
is a mountain.   Sit tall, become the mountain.  You are always going
to climb your own highest summit. She demonstrated, by sitting
cross-legged, the importance of strong foundations.
Standing, she could've been taller,
but that wasn't the
lesson.

2/25/92
SF National Poetry Week

Friday, February 21, 1992

Looking Forward, Looking Back: Interview with Ann Woodhead 2/92

LOOKING FORWARD, LOOKING BACK:
20 years of Dancing at the Cinnabar Theatre
An Interview with Ann Woodhead  (The Paper)
—by Maureen Hurley   2/92


After a dancer worked with the class, a kindergarten student of mine dictated a poem: “If I were king of the universe, I’d dance for a living!” Dance, the most ephemeral and impractical of arts, takes a special kind of vision, or insanity, to choose as a viable profession. Addicted hoofers proclaim they have no choice but to dance—like Gene Kelly who shouts “Gotta dance!” in “Singin’ in the Rain.” It’s definitely not the medium for making big money (unless you’re lucky like Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire), it’s usually expensive to stage, so it’s gotta be for love.

Avant-garde modern dancer/choreographer Ann Woodhead fits the bill to a ‘T,’ or should I say to a ‘2,’ since she uses arabic numerals as a structural basis for some of her floorwork. Woodhead’s choreography, which has received solid and artistic critical acclaim on both coasts, and in Europe, has been enthusiastically praised by audiences and critics alike, as sensuous, challenging, and exhilarating. She has been dubbed the “neo-classic” or “post-modern” avant-garde choreographer on the cutting-edge,“stretching the limits (and concepts) of dance” in America. However, staging dance performances is an expensive proposition: Woodhead, who estimates she loses about $2000 per piece, says she doesn’t do it for the money—“Dance is hopelessly impractical, I feel crazy if I don’t perform, but I feel ecstatic when I dance!”

The Sonoma County-based Ann Woodhead Dance Company’s latest production, “Looking Forward, Looking Back,” spans Woodhead’s illustrious 20-year career as a dancer/choreographer in residence at the Cinnabar Theatre in Petaluma. Woodhead, who estimates she has created over 125 dances at the Cinnabar Theatre since she first performed her euphorically sensuous trademark “Spinning Dance,” in the style of Isadora Duncan, where she literally spins out of her top, will include vingettes from several of her older pieces, as well as present a major new work entitled “Short Stories.”

Woodhead commented about the upcoming retrospective: “one piece is the same as it was in the ‘70s—a musical phrase.” When queried as to why she mines past performances for material, the now long-haired (her short punk orange hair was a familiar trademark), Sebastopol dancer exclaimed, “I no longer have a passion for discovering or inventing ‘new’ movement.”

When Woodhead works with dancers, she likes to work with a very tight structural idea, and utilizes a familiar structure, for example, the shape of a number 2, and then asks them to make their own movements through space within the given shape. “I’m facile at making movement, but I’m tired of it, I’m bored by teaching people steps. I teach people forms. Steps are too time-consuming, we don’t have that kind of time.”

This technique allows dancers to invest in the final product, rather than mirroring her every step. “But, when you lose the people, you lose the dance, it’s ephemeral.” Her modus operandi is to rely heavily upon intuitive approaches, and contact improvisation, drawing from the dancer’s own experiences, thus building a dance piece by the process of accumulation. This process-oriented format reminds me of Stanislavski’s inner-directed approach to acting.

“In Dance” Magazine described Woodhead as “articulate with just the right amount of feistiness, her non-conformity is elusive…. She creates complex, yet deceptively simple pieces that aim at the evocative, rather than the illustrative.”

“Nobody knows what we dancers are doing, dance is too esoteric.” Woodhead laments the general public’s lack of understanding of, and appreciation for modern dance, for which she blames MTV and video. “The odd idea that a dance should be a frontal, frantic 30-second bite of hyper energy—that’s not dance. As a culture, we know less about dance now than before the advent of TV.” She added, “TV has no depth of field, no depth of range, the scale is all wrong. TV trivializes dance.”

“It’s painful to realize the most wonderful dancers cannot bring in a full house. I keep thinking—if only I just did this better, they’d get it. I’ve had to let go of that.” But she is obsessed by the quest for absolute truth in dance movement. “Your body is honest, whether or not you are. I’m after the right movement for this moment, the truthful, authentic movement for the times. Forget about being original, try to be truthful.”

The 50-year-old choreographer compares her structural approach to dance more akin to musical scores and notation, than to language. “I think like a musician, versus a playwright or painter. I never try to tell a story. Language tends to get in the way of dance; poetry and dance often makes a bad mix.” Woodhead said she has only used a poem once to evoke a dance piece, “Copperhead” from a poem by West Marin poet Linda Gregg. She is intrigued by forms about time and space. “Space is very easy for me. I don’t know that much about time. Space is a musical concern. Dance is conscious movement through time and space.”

Originally a native of Santa Barbara, Woodhead studied piano and cello. Like Ginger Rogers, Woodhead excelled in social, or ballroom dancing, and the only other option, ballet, held no appeal. “It had no relationship to dance.” Then one day noted avant-garde choreographer and modern dancer Merce Cunningham taught a master class at Woodhead’s high school, “I was blown away, it was unlike anything I’d ever seen.”

But it wasn’t until her mid ‘20s, at an age when most ballet dancers retire, Ann found her calling. “I realized I was a dancer.” Married at 16, she entered U.C. Riverside as a math major. Divorced and remarried at 22, with two babies by 23, Woodhead migrated north to San Francisco, and survived by writing textbook copy, and taking dance workshops whenever she could.

Woodhead admits her training as a dancer is unconventional. “I have no credentials, except those I’ve created—no, those I’ve forged,” she added. Woodhead discusses the powerful influence German Expressionism had on modern dance; she studied with many noted dance masters including Merce Cunningham and Anna Halperin. She acknowledges both Jennie Hunter as a mentor teacher, and Erick Hawkins (Martha Graham’s choreographer-husband) as the most technically influential. Woodhead debuted her first production in 1969.

When I asked her how she, a dancer, in need of a city to perform and survive, arrived in Sonoma County’s clement backwaters, she quipped, “How else—by following a man.” The relationship fizzled, she loved living in the country, but needed a means to survive, and a good performance space.

Sonoma State University offered Woodhead a job, and the Cinnabar Theatre, formerly an old church, provided the space—the rest is, as they say, ‘her story.’ In the summer of 1972, Woodhead performed her first piece (“Spinning Dance”), founded the very successful Mercury Moving Company in 1973, and in 1980 she formed the Ann Woodhead Dance Company “in order to pursue my choreographic interests more intensively.”

Dean of Performing Arts at Sonoma State University, Woodhead is unconventional, she holds no degrees in dance, but has a M.A. in psychology. Seventeen years of teaching has nourished her performance career (as well as paid the bills), it allows her to constantly move and experiment. Teaching spurs on her choreography. One of the trade-offs in teaching is giving away energy, and finding a balance between being teacher and artist (she sees 100-150 students, six classes, four days a week). “I can get creative on their dances, but I’m giving it away.”

If Woodhead was living in the midwest, or New York, she says her work wouldn’t be any different. Woodhead doesn’t feel she’s bound by regionalism. “My concerns are formal, location is not important. I see very little dance—though my tastes have broadened considerably. Avant-garde is nothing new.” But there’s some trouble living in paradise—and outside the mainstream of the dance world, largely an urban art form. A choreographer in a big city has more options, more funding, less work to publicize. Though even in the Big Apple, it’s hard times for dancers. At one point, Twyla Tharpe, tired of trying to secure funding, disbanded her internationally famous troupe.

Woodhead despises the system used for getting grants, in spite of the fact that she has been very successful at it. She received several grants and awards for her work, including two National Endowment for the Arts Choreographer fellowships, a Sonoma County Foundation fellowship, and a Sonoma County Arts Achievement Award. “Funders want five-minute video tapes; my dances take 20 minutes! I hate toadying for money, I feel defiled by it. Funding on the basis of quality is a joke, it’s about fashion, trendiness, who’s currently popular.” She thinks a lottery system would be a fairer approach, but she readily admits she’s not good at working within the system.

Woodhead cites other trade-offs of living in the country: a lack of public and corporate funders and presenters, little or no publicity, or press coverage, rare reviews, and a scattered, and small audience as major deterrent. “It’s not a very innovative to me for dance right now. It’s tough, it’s never been a gold mine. I’ve survived by teaching. I’m lucky, I do have an audience, I’m able to raise some money.” Her salary from SSU supplements her career as a dancer and choreographer. Expenses include dancer’s salaries (there are 8 in her troupe) , rent, musician, printing, photos, costumes often leave her in debt after the show closes.“There’s very little praise or financial reward for what we do.”

“It’s hard times for modern dance, there’s not enough serious dancers coming up through the ranks.” She added, for young people willing to take the artistic vow of poverty today, “living on the edge is harder to do, because being poor is so much scarier now than it was in the ‘70s.”

Woodhead continued, “aerobics has killed us.” Those who used to take dance classes for pleasure and exercise, forsook dance for the trendy fitness phase, but they’ve discovered their bodies can’t keep it up. Some are returning to the more ergonomically sound techniques of dance, and aerobics teachers are beginning to use dance in their exercise programs.

Woodhead briefly talked about the role of the older dancer. With the exception of superstars like Margo Fontaine, who is cosseted, Woodhead is a pioneer in the field of the aging of American dancers. “We modern dancers always have to make our own work. I ache every morning, my feet always hurt, mornings are hell, I’m literally too stiff to roll over. (Ibuprofin is a dancer’s best friend .) I succumbed to dance. I’m not young, I’m not skinny, but, hey, I’m still dancing.”

The red-headed dynamo claims she’s basically lazy—a paradigm if ever there was one. The secret to her success? 90 percent of the magic is just showing up at the studio every day, says she. “The rest is improvisation.”

“Dance the first art form, not even sound can happen without movement. Movement is the mother of arts, the source, it remains the most completely human of the arts.” She gets more praise as an actor without any “acting chops. Our literalness is what separates us from actors; acting is not real, it’s illusion, while dance is truth.




One of the joys of transcribing these print articles is that I can provide links, and articles that weren't available to me when I wrote this piece. I was dancing with Ann four days a week at Sonoma State during the late 1970s. We were required to watch videos of other dance companies. Thus began my training to write this piece which appeared in The Paper. I have no publication date  for this piece, just this file that said 2/92—but that was the date I last "saved" it onto a floppy disk, not its origin date. I think it's written during the late 1980s—I quoted a line from a kidpoem that came from Mark West School where I was teaching poetry in the mid-1980s. I think this piece was published in The Paper during Nick Valentine's reign as editor).   —MH

Links for further reading:

Dance DreamsChoreographer Ann Woodhead stages final piece (2001 North Bay Bohemian—aka The Paper)


GOLDFISH IN WINTER


GOLDFISH IN WINTER

In the other classroom
someone drops some marbles.
Next to the lazy slant of books
easing towards the horizon,
the calendar has its own agenda
in the rhythm of days.

Trapped behind glass, solarium plants:
impatiens and begonias smolder
against dreary winter clouds.
As my students write,
goldfish, like small birds,
rush up a dark ladder to the sky.

When we hauled branches
to the field for burning
their dark shapes scratched the sky
with random hope for a spring
that will never come.

2/21/92
Higham family school

Wednesday, February 19, 1992

WHERE CREDIT IS DUE


WHERE CREDIT IS DUE


At oblique angles to the rain,
the blinds divide the sky into sectors.
Below an American flag,
a single crutch on the carpet,
gloves, a knapsack, the hat, empty of thought.

The clock pushes time westward in increments of one.
We are all one people proclaims a poster.
A student gathers endless space in his eyes.
The alarm in my mind is made of small golden chains.
Filing cabinets achieve another kind of order.

Sometimes it seems there's too many hands on the world.
Whose job is it to make the sun rise?
Asleep in winter, the fan no longer severs
the air, offering it some chance of rest.
The rooster gives credit where credit is due.


2/92


POEM FOR SARAH

POEM FOR SARAH

While Sarah sits working her poem
into the metaphoric depths of elm trees,
she sheds words, more like a flurry
of buckeye leaves into the fire of summer.
Aestivating, pooling precious water
during the annual drought, the buckeye is tough,
knows when to conserve, how to pull back—
Innate structure cannot be taught.
I warn my students the verb “to be”
engulfs poems like a black hole.
A builder of hidden realms, the beetle
devours the inner thoughts of the elm.
Because only the thin cambium layer is alive,
& has no defences against the small engineer
boring into the dead heartwood,
the hefty elm, riddled with rot, will fall
during a storm several years hence.
Sarah's name sounds like wind
in the elm leaves of summer.
I want to tell her of Daphne's escape
from the hunter,
that I witnessed her mother's grief
for the baby sister who died in the fire,
& the streets of Russia are lined with trees.
Though she strives to be the towering elm,
sap coursing through her capillaries,
she is also the architectural beetle,
excavating into the very center of  self.
No drought or dryrot will weaken her
because she grows from the inside out,
shedding the unnecessary foliage,
gaining strength with each new line.

2/19/92

1996 Voices Israel
published in CPITS anthology NAME?

Sunday, February 9, 1992

Journal entry, 2/9/92, SSU art exhibit


2/9/1992 last night, Svietla translated Valera’s letters at the Art from the Heart exhibit. I had three pieces in the show, two photographs and one oil pastel. All three sold and I met each of the new owners. They sold for around $30-$45 each. Patricia Finnegan, mother of one of my students, brought bought my sperm-cunt piece, the lava shadow. A friend of Janet Bankovitz bought my pastel, Hearttrash Hotel. It was a gloomy show, I didn’t like most of the art, but I did manage to get three T-shirts for my efforts. A stranger, a woman bought my volcano piece. I told her about the eclipse, and hiking out across the hot lava, my boots melting. I imagine the stories I tell them and then meeting them will color their perceptions when they hang the art on the wall. I imagine my art hanging in white halls, not well lit, the guests have arrived and the hostess takes their coats. They stop to admire the pieces on the wall. She stops in front of mine and tells the story… How many houses do my pieces of artwork hang in? The urge to get my art out into the public on a yearly basis, two or three pieces at a time, slowly adds up.