Friday, January 13, 2017


 — With thanks to Danny Lynch who overate his Hagen Daas welcome

Give me Chocolate or give me death,
give me Cappuccino, or plain old Coffee.

Make it sweet as Dulce de Leche, 
or give me that new swirly Hagen Daas number
with all three flavors rolled into one heavenly pint,
call it Sweet Cream Coffee Caramel,
with vanilla reining supreme as a beneficent godlet.
Not Strawberry Cheesecake or Blueberry Crumble, 
or some other absurd fruity concoction
like Pineapple Coconut, that non-alcoholic impostor
with a tiny invisible parasol complex on the side,
that leaves you desperate and wanting at the bar.
Not Vanilla Swiss Almond studded with land mines,
nor that raw Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
or Midnight Cookies and Cream, with other odd chunks 
and frozen detritus lying in wait to break my teeth.
And you can forget about that frozen yogurt shit. 
I want full fatted flavors frolicking on my tongue 
until my fillings ache, my tongue goes numb, 
and my brain freezes in kalideoscopic moiréd patterns.
Give me gelato or give me death. 
Make it with chocolate or coffee or caramel.
Make it in a double-wide carton,
make the spoon bigger than my eyes,
and I will certainly scream for more ice cream.
Let me wear it proudly on my hips and thighs.
And may the late-night movie be doubly good too.
Make it so.

rev. 1/16/17

Give me chocolate or give me death, or caramel, or coffee, or dulce de leche, or that new swirly Hagen Daas with all three flavors in one carton. Make it a double-wide carton, make the spoon bigger than my eyes. And make the movie be doubly good as well. Make it so.

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